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The Parenting Book of Odds

by momstrosity  posted Tuesday, April 20, 2010
filed under: momstrosity
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The odds that you'll screw up as a parent are good. And just in case you're the gambling type, I've compiled a list of probabilities parents face. NOTE: Unlike the scientific data on the website Book of Odds, the odds of my stats being accurate is pretty much nil.

Parenting Book of Odds

1 in 13.5 million

Odds you teen will refrain from texting a friend while engaging in a conversation with you.

1 in 5

Odds, if you tried to read your teen's text messages, that you'd understand what the hell they were saying.

1 in 467

Odds your preschooler's shoes are full of sand.

1 in 2

Odds they'll dump their sand-filled shoes out in the middle of the living room floor minutes after you just finished cleaning.

1 in 27

Odds your newborn will have a diaper blowout directly after you've dressed them, strapped them in the car seat and you're running late to an appointment.

1 in 78

Odds you won't be able to identify yourself in your preschooler's artwork.

1 in 456,000

Odds a non-stop talking toddler will speak one syllable to grandma when handed the phone.

1 in 307

Odds you will forget your child beloved security item at home when on a family vacation.

1 in 563.5 million

Odds your teen WON'T be embarrassed if you start singing along to 'Girls Just Want to Have fun' or "We Are the Champions," when it's playing on a classic rock radio station.

1 in 241

Odds, if you have a kid between the ages of 4 months and 5 years, that you have petrified goldfish crackers in at least three yet-to-be discovered locations in your car.

1 in 18

Odds your kid will desperately have to pee when you're stuck at the top of a ferris wheel.


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