Bethany Sanders: There are the "Fertile Myrtles" (women who get pregnant with ease). And then there are the rest of us.
Conceiving our first child wasn't easy. A year had passed since we'd started trying, and it seemed like everyone around us was getting pregnant. Scratch that: Everyone around us was getting pregnant, and even though I was happy for them, it hurt.
Whether it's due to infertility or just bad luck, failing to conceive can be stressful. It's hard enough to face that lonely pink line every month without having friends and family rub it in with well-meaning "advice." If you know someone who is trying to conceive, here are 10 things you should never say to her -- and one thing that you probably should.
10 Things Never to Say to a Woman Trying to Conceive
Just Relax!Don't Think About it and It Will Happen
While it's true that stress may contribute to infertility, the fact is that it's a medical issue that can't be solved by taking a bubble bath.Besides, have you ever tried to relax on command?Here, try it:RELAX.Feel better?Told you.
Maybe You're Doing it Wrong
Huh.Well, maybe you're doing it wrong.Once you get passed a certain age, the mechanics of baby making just aren't that mysterious, people.You just made your infertile friend feel like she's too stupid to figure it out.
Everything Happens for a Reason
Or it's God's plan. If God had a plan that you should suddenly become unemployed, would you not go out and look for another job?People with no sensitivity meter think this statement is comforting, but it's actually quite hurtful.We all -- those of us who believe in God, anyway -- want to believe that God wants the best for us.
There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Infertility is emotionally, spiritually, and, often, physically painful.Don't negate another person's pain by pointing out that there are others out there who hurt more.There are no winners in the Pain Olympics.
At Least You're Having Fun Trying!
Studies show that more than 50 percent of couples report a loss of interest in sex while dealing with infertility, so ... not so much.Ever have to pee on a stick to find out if it's time to have sex?Or had to check your cervical mucus?Romantic.
My Kids are Driving Me Crazy. Why Don't You Take Them?
Your friend wants to be a parent, not a babysitter.And inside, she's quietly hating you for rubbing your fertility in her face.
You're So Lucky.You Get to Sleep In/Travel/Stay Out Late
This is the perfect way to minimize your friend's pain and daily struggle with infertility.Morning sickness, weight gain, sleepless nights, empty bank accounts -- these are things your friend is actively looking forward to, because they are part of the joy of being a parent.
It's Simple. Just Adopt!
Though an infertile couple may eventually turn to adoption, there's nothing simple about coming to that decision, and the adoption process itself is often long, expensive, and complicated.
I Think You Should (insert unsolicited advice here)
Alternate title:My friend got pregnant by drinking Mountain Dew. Infertility is a complex issue that doesn't have one single cause. Your friend is probably already being seen by a doctor who knows far more about fertility than you ever will.
My Husband Just Walks in the Room and I Get Pregnant!
That sounds like a serious problem.You better have that checked out. Another issue you might want to take a look at:Making every conversation about you.
Many people say the wrong thing because they don't know what to say, so I'll make it easy for you.
What every woman who is trying to conceive wants to hear: "Congratulations! You'll be a great mother."
What every woman who is trying to conceive -- and failing -- wants to hear: "I'm sorry. I love you. What do you need from me?"
What's the worst thing someone said to you when you were trying to conceive?