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Why Moms Cheat on Their Man the Day After Mother's Day

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UPDATE: 31,427 women signed up for AshleyMadison.com the day after Mother's Day, Ashley Madison reps tell momlogic.

AshleyMadison.com, the dating website for married people, tells momlogic exclusively that the day after Mother's Day is the second-busiest day of the year for female member signups.

unhappy woman in bed

On a typical Monday, between 2,500 and 3,000 women join AshleyMadison.com. But on the day after Mother's Day last year, AshleyMadison.com saw close to 24,000 new signups. They anticipate that 30,000 women will join this year on May 10 -- the day after Mother's Day.

This "day after" trend is nothing new to AshleyMadison.com: Their biggest day of the year for female signups is the day after Valentine's Day, and their third-biggest day is the day after New Year's.

Why are holidays like these such turning points for women? Noel Biderman, president and founder of AshleyMadison.com, says, "Because they have expectations -- expectations that their partnership will be celebrated and even romanticized -- but that is often not what transpires ...."

Biderman (a married father of two) believes there are several reasons why women turn to AshleyMadison.com after Mother's Day in particular:

  • On Mother's Day, women in general expect to be celebrated by their partners. However, for many already suffering from a lack of appreciation, this day represents a continuation of neglect and disappointment.

  • Women have affairs for different reasons than men. Whereas men are usually looking for sex, women tend to seek attention that they're not getting at home. This lack of attention often makes them feel undesirable -- and feeds their need for validation.

Last Mother's Day, momlogic spoke with a woman who said that Mother's Day ended her marriage. "I knew Mother's Day was off to a bad start when my husband informed me the night before that the holiday had nothing to do with him and it should be between me and the kids. In the morning, I was handed a cold cup of coffee by my husband. My card and gift were left downstairs. The card and gift had been bought hours earlier, after my husband asked me, "So, what do you want, anyway?" No thought, no advance planning, no special effort put forth at all. It was so disappointing. I chose to sleep on the couch that night. My husband chose to move out. Mother's Day essentially marked the end of our marriage." Read her full story here.

Is there any way to help ensure that you won't be disappointed on Mother's Day by your partner? Psychologist Dr. Michelle Golland says that you have to speak up! "I think it is important for moms to share with their husbands what they would enjoy for Mothers Day," she says. "If you want a day off or breakfast in bed, say so. I told my husband what I would enjoy to do, and I of course will reciprocate for him on Father's Day. For some reason, we WISH our partners were mind readers. But guess what? They aren't! So share with them what really matters this year to you."

Biderman says that he plans to step it up for his own wife even more this Mother's Day. "The ironic thing about running Ashley Madison is that I -- maybe more than any guy on the planet -- am so aware of what transpires when you neglect your partner," he says. "As a husband and father, I personally look forward to Mother's Day as an incredible opportunity to celebrate our family dynamic, my wife's dedication and our interpersonal relationship. I intend to make my wife smile from the moment she wakes up -- hopefully a bit later than usual -- to the moment she goes to bed ... with me!"

But even if your guy comes up short, Dr. Golland warns moms to think before they cheat. "Cheating on your spouse will only further complicate a challenging situation -- and add more carnage to your marital problems," she says. "The damage created by an affair is very difficult to repair. That is not to say that repair after infidelity is impossible, but to rebuild the trust after such a traumatic event is hard. Statistics show that many marriages do not survive this level of betrayal."

Here are Dr. Golland's top five ways to stop an affair before it begins.


Top 5 Ways to Stop an Affair Before It Begins

Communicate

Tell your partner how frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed you are currently. It is imperative that we let our partner know how we are feeling. Ask your husband how he is feeling in the marriage. Be open to his own hurts and frustrations. Remember, conflict is not bad and will eventually bring you closer.

Plan Alone Time

Make sure you keep your relationship on the front burner of your life. Get babysitters and make time for each other unrelated to the children. Go out to dinner, movies, dancing -- anything that will bring joy and build connections.

Sexual Intimacy

Sex doesn't just happen! You need to make it happen with your partner. Make time for sexual experiences. Be open to how our sexual relationship shifts and changes over time. Communicate your sexual needs to your partner or simply show him.

Cheating Thoughts

If you are having thoughts of cheating, this is a big warning sign to seek professional help from a therapist. You need to understand the underlying emotional reasons why you want to be unfaithful.

Think before you act out

Think about your partner's feelings and the devastation that an affair will cause you, your partner and your children.


For those moms who do decide to log on to AshleyMadison.com the day after Mother's Day, there is hope: Momlogic recently interviewed a mom who met her future husband on AshleyMadison.com.

Does the fact that more women sign up for AshleyMadison.com the day after Mother's Day surprise you? Do guys need to step it up?


next: Top 8 Mother's Day E-Cards Moms Want
325 comments so far | Post a comment now
chris May 6, 2010, 4:50 AM

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is about your kids showing you love. It is not about your husband or wife buying you expensive gifts. I told my husband as soon as my kids were able to draw me a card, that’s the only kind of card I want. I see no reason to spend $10 on cards, I rather have homemade ones that I can keep. I also prefer that they make me a gift. My kids have made me stepping stones, flower pots, handmade beaded jewerly (of course, my husband buys the kits but I won’t let him spend more than $20). It’s all about showing love and appreciation.

Jilly May 6, 2010, 6:49 AM

Chris, you clearly have a husband that makes you feel validated most of the year and I can see why you feel the way you do, however, being a mother is not just for the kids. Ask yourself this, would your husband prefer you or a nanny taking care of your kids? I consider myself a liason between my kids and husband. We are a family and a mother facilitates that group dynamic for all concerned. (BTW, I am not admonishing your feelings, just justifying the feelings of the neglected)

tennmom May 6, 2010, 7:49 AM

I was excited about my first Mother’s Day, having a 5 month old daughter.
My late-husband printed a card for me on his computer, handed it to me saying in a baby-voice “This was all we could afford.” Not true. We had $200,000 in the bank.
I didn’t expect a $1000 gift but a $10 bunch of grocery store flowers would have made me happy.
My Now Husband takes my daughters shopping for a gift for me, nothing fancy, flowers, they bring me breakfast in bed, prepare lunch, take care of all tasks needed for the entire weekend.
My father has made dinner on every Mother’s Day I can remember.

chris May 7, 2010, 5:34 AM

Jilly, first off I don’t understand the question about who my husband would prefer to talke care of the kids? Secondly, trust me I understand the feeling of being unappreciated. I have a 14 & 10 yr old and I quit my full time job 6 yrs ago after we moved over an hour away and it was just to far to travel w/o knowing what to do with the kids before and after school so luckily at that time, I could afford to stay home but I can tell you that going from a self reliant, working everyday, being around adults everyday, doing more for myself person it is so hard to give it up and stay home. I love my husband and kids but I don’t there is anyone as unappreciated as the mom who gives up everything to stay home. I do all the house chores, my husband works from 6 till 6 and it wouldn’t be fair to ask him to help (even though he still will) and being the one who is alway taking care of the kids (even though I love them) gets tiring sometimes and as your kids get older like mine, they really take advantage of you. So yes I feel unappreciated a lot but thats okay b/c I now have learned to appreciate myself and learned that only I am responsible for my own true happiness so sometimes I become a little more selfish and if I need a break, I’ll go out w/the girls or go shopping and buy myself pretty things just because. Life is what you make it and yes it is wonderful when others acknowledge you and say job well done but you should take the time and acknowledge yourself and at times pamper yourself! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

Danielle May 7, 2010, 6:52 AM

I enjoy sentiments. Over the past 7 years I’ve recieved one rose on a random day, one card on one of my birthdays and a $50 victoria secret gift card the first winter holdiay. I’ve never recieved something any other time, even ON holidays. I love the guy but he’s been married before and she ruined him by complaining for more daily SO bad she even took a LOAN out on their house by forging his signature!! I enjoy him NOT what he buys me. I like romance so the point of the story is: that I love him very much and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters and that my kids see that and not us fighting. Raising your kids with solid parents is far more satisfactory to me than how good my man can guess what I’d like to have.

yarrrrr May 7, 2010, 8:43 AM

Don’t believe anything the guy from Ashley Madison says… this article is pathetic…

black iris May 7, 2010, 6:02 PM

Funny and sad. Yes, I can see how feeling unappreciated might make a woman mad enough to join a cheater’s website. It’s too bad Ashley Madison exists though. The last thing you need to do when you’re mad at your husband is run out and have an affair. Is it really worth it to be a single mom just because he forgot to celebrate you? Honestly, I don’t know how the guy who runs the Ashley Madison website lives with himself. People get mad all the time, but without an easy way to cheat, they could still work things out.

Anon May 7, 2010, 6:06 PM

maybe their mad because they didn’t get chocolate.

Mike May 8, 2010, 9:30 PM

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are about the kids honoring their parents. Go back and read the history behind the creation of these two days. Father’s Day, for example, was created by the efforts of one father’s daughter who was tired of seeing mothers honored and fathers forgotten.

Living in the western culture, mothers and fathers are not honored as much as they once were. Further, feminism stresses one thing and delivers another. That’s why I find artcles like this very interesting. Soooo…the purpose of women’s lib was the ‘right’ for women to have adulterous relationships??? I thought men were the ones that ‘mastered’ in bad behavior…if you talk to the feminists of today.

The mainstream press has always pushed Mother’s Day as being ‘superior’ than Father’s Day. BOTH days are important. However, what is more important are parents who are dedicated to bringing up good kids. That’s worth celebrating!

Chris, enjoyed your first post!

BTW…Isn’t Valentine’s Day the one for romance between husbands and wives; boyfriends and girlfriends? Of course, if one has to wait for a day for appreciating their mate, let alone appreciating themselves, therapy nor an adulterous relationship is going to cure it. In fact, you’ll get more drama, Mama!

Agrippa May 8, 2010, 11:01 PM

Mother and Fathers day are a days for children to honor parents. Valentine’s day is the day St. Valentine was brutally murdered by the Romans for his preaching of the gospel of jesus Christ.

The real problem is the media has made just about every holiday into a celebrate woman day. This came about because merchants want to sell men crap to give to women and they have advertising budgets (the life blood of media.)

Women now expect every holiday to be a celebration of them because they have been duped by merchants to increase sales. When the spoiled woman isn’t celebrated she gets depressed and some cheat. Nice job merchants on messing up relationships for money.

Then along comes Ashley Madison who will hook cheating women up with men for a fee. Now the pimps at Ashley Madison are cashing in on the false holidays for a profit as well, but they sell flesh instead of hard goods.

It is a race to the bottom in America and the winner collects the most money, by whatever means, before the nation collapses into anarchy. The people who run these sites belong in prison for moral degradation and prostitution.

Women can get laid just about anywhere, so they don’t really need pimps like Ashly Madison to help them do it. If any of you ladies disagree then try logging of the computer, and go out and give it a try. You will be copulated withing hours and the pimps won’t make a dime.

Enjoy whats left of our civilization because the foundation is broken and slipping. When it falls many people are going to get hurt and the great luxury we know will be gone. Ashley Madison won’t be there to help you either, but they and their ilk are helping push it over along with many others who revel in corruption.

Que sera sera

Vanessa Chaland May 9, 2010, 2:54 AM

Women have affairs not because of sex but for affection.

Yea, and I eat ice cream because I am hungry. :)

Chris May 9, 2010, 3:04 AM

I don’t get all of this psycho babble mumbo jumbo. You don’t know what value you have? You expect riches, sweets, precious gifts and suasion by verbal or written oath of allegiance? after being joined in the company of God? I’m not the most stable of mind on earth myself, but I know my value to those I love and those that love me. I don’t need demonstrations of their emotional commitment through some material commercially generated day.

David Bunsey, Sr. May 9, 2010, 4:42 AM

My mother is dead. My wife is NOT my mother. Our three children (youngest is 36) celebrate their mother’s day with my wife. When the kids were too young to grasp the concept of celebrating their mother’s mother’s day, I helped them along. At 36, 41, & 44, I don’t think I need to play that game any more.

Larry May 9, 2010, 6:52 AM

To the “men” that justify their boneheadedness with the “she isn’t MY mom” mentality- she IS a mom because of YOU! Idiots.

Matt May 9, 2010, 7:07 AM

I don’t know about anyone else, but if I even thought my wife was going to cheat on me, espically over a fake holiday like Mother’s Day (which was founded by the greeting card company), or for any other reason. I would divorce her immediately, and without any second thoughts.

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CC May 9, 2010, 10:44 AM

Is there something Politically Incorrect by calling your wife - Your Wife? Or your husband, Your Husband…?

What is up with this ‘partner’ CRAP?

A ‘partner’ (or ‘pard’ for short) is my trail-riding buddy, usually reserved for a male and his friend - from the old days.

Please Ditch the Nonsensical Political Correctness…

Mike May 9, 2010, 12:05 PM

My first wife cheated on me to advance her career period.

A lot of women do that and have always done that.

jeff May 9, 2010, 12:13 PM

The founder, Biderman is the kind of guy that would do anything for a buck. What a pathetic moron that lacks any morality.
So typical in the new Amerika.


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