AshleyMadison.com, the dating website for married people, tells momlogic exclusively that the day after Mother's Day is the second-busiest day of the year for female member signups.
On a typical Monday, between 2,500 and 3,000 women join AshleyMadison.com. But on the day after Mother's Day last year, AshleyMadison.com saw close to 24,000 new signups. They anticipate that 30,000 women will join this year on May 10 -- the day after Mother's Day.
This "day after" trend is nothing new to AshleyMadison.com: Their biggest day of the year for female signups is the day after Valentine's Day, and their third-biggest day is the day after New Year's.
Why are holidays like these such turning points for women? Noel Biderman, president and founder of AshleyMadison.com, says, "Because they have expectations -- expectations that their partnership will be celebrated and even romanticized -- but that is often not what transpires ...."
Biderman (a married father of two) believes there are several reasons why women turn to AshleyMadison.com after Mother's Day in particular:
- On Mother's Day, women in general expect to be celebrated by their partners. However, for many already suffering from a lack of appreciation, this day represents a continuation of neglect and disappointment.
- Women have affairs for different reasons than men. Whereas men are usually looking for sex, women tend to seek attention that they're not getting at home. This lack of attention often makes them feel undesirable -- and feeds their need for validation.
Last Mother's Day, momlogic spoke with a woman who said that Mother's Day ended her marriage. "I knew Mother's Day was off to a bad start when my husband informed me the night before that the holiday had nothing to do with him and it should be between me and the kids. In the morning, I was handed a cold cup of coffee by my husband. My card and gift were left downstairs. The card and gift had been bought hours earlier, after my husband asked me, "So, what do you want, anyway?" No thought, no advance planning, no special effort put forth at all. It was so disappointing. I chose to sleep on the couch that night. My husband chose to move out. Mother's Day essentially marked the end of our marriage." Read her full story here.
Is there any way to help ensure that you won't be disappointed on Mother's Day by your partner? Psychologist Dr. Michelle Golland says that you have to speak up! "I think it is important for moms to share with their husbands what they would enjoy for Mothers Day," she says. "If you want a day off or breakfast in bed, say so. I told my husband what I would enjoy to do, and I of course will reciprocate for him on Father's Day. For some reason, we WISH our partners were mind readers. But guess what? They aren't! So share with them what really matters this year to you."
Biderman says that he plans to step it up for his own wife even more this Mother's Day. "The ironic thing about running Ashley Madison is that I -- maybe more than any guy on the planet -- am so aware of what transpires when you neglect your partner," he says. "As a husband and father, I personally look forward to Mother's Day as an incredible opportunity to celebrate our family dynamic, my wife's dedication and our interpersonal relationship. I intend to make my wife smile from the moment she wakes up -- hopefully a bit later than usual -- to the moment she goes to bed ... with me!"
But even if your guy comes up short, Dr. Golland warns moms to think before they cheat. "Cheating on your spouse will only further complicate a challenging situation -- and add more carnage to your marital problems," she says. "The damage created by an affair is very difficult to repair. That is not to say that repair after infidelity is impossible, but to rebuild the trust after such a traumatic event is hard. Statistics show that many marriages do not survive this level of betrayal."
Here are Dr. Golland's top five ways to stop an affair before it begins.
Top 5 Ways to Stop an Affair Before It Begins
Tell your partner how frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed you are currently. It is imperative that we let our partner know how we are feeling. Ask your husband how he is feeling in the marriage. Be open to his own hurts and frustrations. Remember, conflict is not bad and will eventually bring you closer.
Plan Alone Time
Make sure you keep your relationship on the front burner of your life. Get babysitters and make time for each other unrelated to the children. Go out to dinner, movies, dancing -- anything that will bring joy and build connections.
Sex doesn't just happen! You need to make it happen with your partner. Make time for sexual experiences. Be open to how our sexual relationship shifts and changes over time. Communicate your sexual needs to your partner or simply show him.
If you are having thoughts of cheating, this is a big warning sign to seek professional help from a therapist. You need to understand the underlying emotional reasons why you want to be unfaithful.
Think before you act out
Think about your partner's feelings and the devastation that an affair will cause you, your partner and your children.
For those moms who do decide to log on to AshleyMadison.com the day after Mother's Day, there is hope: Momlogic recently interviewed a mom who met her future husband on AshleyMadison.com.
Does the fact that more women sign up for AshleyMadison.com the day after Mother's Day surprise you? Do guys need to step it up?