Bruce Sallan: Our kids will have sex. The question is when, with whom and under what circumstances.
When I was a Big Brother to a girl (which is no longer allowed except in rare circumstances, sadly), she told me about her "first time" when she was 17. She had decided it was time, went to a party, got drunk, found the first guy who was palatable and "got it over with."
My son has a girlfriend of eight months, which is an eternity for high-school sophomores. They really like each other. They really connect. And they really have important life experiences (or should I say life traumas) in common. I sometimes think they have a more mature relationship than I have with my wife (my wife is quite mature, but she married me).
They've been "caught" in bed, under the covers with their clothes on. Also making out in the Jacuzzi up in Mammoth, and in the showers (in their bathing suits) there. Sex may be inevitable, but when I discussed it with my son recently, he was just as embarrassed as every kid is when us old folks talk dirty -- LOL. He even commented that the thought of me having sex with his stepmom was "creepy." Didn't we all think that about our parents?
I told him about my first time. And the fact that I wasn't sure it was my first time until the third time. I told him about how it was a pretty quick experience until I learned a little control. I told him how I walked around with a boner -- as we used to call it -- just about all day, every day, when I was his age.
He laughed and tried to hide under the table in the loud restaurant where we were, but actually shared his own anxiety about sex. In fact, instead of the usual cool cucumber he presents (and he is a pretty cool kid, given his rock 'n' roll persona and skill), he opened up a bit.
My being candid and admitting my less-than-stellar early experiences helped him relax. I know his girlfriend's mom is having the same talk with her daughter. They're ready, and we can't control it unless we lock them up. If they want to, they will find a time and place. Call me a lax dad, but I only care that they care about each other and take the proper precautions. I think they will. But what do I know? I'm just a guy.