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Moms Who Party WAY Too Much

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When we saw the blog "Your Mom Is at the Club," we had to wonder: Are moms partying TOO MUCH these days?

moms who party too much

Dr. Wendy Walsh: OK, at the onset, let me say this: I am a single mom who has her kids full-time, and that's the way I like it. I happen to really think my kids are cool and often prefer to hang out with them rather than some drunken adults. With that said, I'll also disclose this caveat: I am prone to separation anxiety, and too much time away from my primary attachments makes me jittery. So take my rant within context.

I know plenty of mothers -- married and single -- who seem to have no problem cruising bars, spas and restaurants three to five nights a week. My Facebook event-invitation page bears witness to this trend. Apparently the occasional "girls night out," which was once a gulp of oxygen for exhausted moms, has now become a habit (or addiction) for some. I see invitations to spa days, birthday brunches, happy hours and even late-night (tuck-the-kids-in-and-fly-out-the-door) bar crawls. With so many social obligations cutting into their sleep, I'm always amazed that these moms still get their day-jobs done (the nurturing one and the office one). Ladies, ever heard the expression, "It's dangerous to burn the candle at both ends"?

If I put on my hat as a doctor of psychology who specializes in attachment, the first thing I might ask is: How this is affecting children? Children need one thing more than stuff, discipline and education to grow up mentally healthy -- and that thing is consistency. Consistent schedules and consistent availability of the primary caregivers help their tiny brains trust the world and trust love. My recommendation is that two nights a week should be the maximum that parents should engage in having an adult social life.

The next thing I would look at is the health of the marriage. The kind of moms I'm referring to are not moms doing relationship-boosting date-nights with hubby. These women seem to be running away from their marriages -- and indeed all their family responsibilities. Is this a way to avoid an unhappy marriage?

I guess, in a way, that I am fortunate: I had my babies at age 36 and 41 respectively, after a full two decades of parties. When I finally cozied down in my nest, there was not one thing going on outside my doors that I felt I was missing out on. I had "been there, done that" for years. Now, don't get me wrong: My kids and I love to socialize, and I love to cook. I just hate to pay a sitter and leave my kids. So we create multi-aged dinner parties all the time. The kids are at their table (not too far from my watchful eye), and I am whooping it up with a culinary creation and a good bottle of wine at the grownup table. And that's how I get my "me" time.

How much "me time" is too much?

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15 comments so far | Post a comment now
JBird May 26, 2010, 7:56 AM

I completely agree with you! I had my kids in my 30’s, and I feel partied out. I drank my teens and 20’s away, and I love my little life with my family, house and kids, and there is no place I’d rather be. I will say, I think I have the opposite problem - it takes a LOT for me to get out for a night with friends. Usually, it happens 3x per year now. I can’t really drink any more, that used to be my crutch. Now I feel sick when I do it, and I’m too anxious to be involved with socializing sober.

So, yes, I hear about partying moms a LOT. I don’t doubt that they can still be good mothers, but I don’t get how that can be fulfilling. To each their own I suppose.

ProudMommy May 26, 2010, 8:57 AM

Im a single mom of a 2yr old. I love my little one to death. I left her father after 5 years of empty promises. I just turned 25 and I happen to enjoy going out. After being at work and pulling mommy duty, I love dressing up and dancing the nite away, its kind of a stress reliever at least for me. I hate when people pass judgment and feel the have the right to tell me ” you go out too much”. Going out in no way makes me an unfit or neglectful mother. I’ve heard of mothers who leave their children with anyone, anywhere just to go out, so I totally understand why the bad rap. I am not one of those mothers. My conditions are she is either spending the nite with her absentee father, 24, (which is very very rare) or she is with her grandma (my mom) My daughter is well taken care of. Since I started working I’ve been going out less because like the article stated “i was burning both ends of the candle.” I still enjoy an occassional girls nite out but not without making triple sure my daughter is bathed, fed, and tucked in for bed.

Anonomoys May 26, 2010, 9:00 AM

My mom does this….its practically her life. My parents are divorced and whenever my mom wants to go out and “do her thing” we get sent to my dad’s or sent to my grandparents because she has a “meeting” that wont end till late. I am way old enough to understand whats going on and she misses that somehow… i wish she would read this, but if i sent it to her i know id be in some trouble for even suggesting she parties to much. I totally agree that this is one thing that you have to grow out of someday…my moms 40&parties like shes 20 with no kids..

th May 26, 2010, 9:09 AM

i am 23 and I have a 2yr old, THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for writing this article! this is exactly how i feel when I keep getting invites left and right for this and that and my friends (who by the way are 30 soemthing) gives me grief because i would rather be home with my little one thn be around gross sweaty drunken bafoons! I may not have had 2 decades of partying but i sure did party it up. I do not feel like i am missing out on anything out there in the bars etc. My son and I go out to restaurants together. & at 2yrs old he has quite the taste for good food.

Bottom line, once in a blue i do head out with the grown ups but my heart and soul loves to be home cracking jokes, running around the house making a mess with cookie dough. My little one will be a little one for but so long and only allow me to kiss him hopefully until he is at least 3, but the bars, clubs, grown up events will still be there after my munchkin has out grown his mommy!

Shannon May 26, 2010, 1:52 PM

See I agree with this too. I’m 27 and I have a 4 year old daughter. I have been married for 3 yrs but we’ve been together for 10. My friends are all young energetic 20 something women who love to go out and do socials and lunches and dinners and bar nights, and I can’t be bothered really.

I love going to see my friends and I feel guilty if I don’t make an appearance or two, but I would much rather go out with my husband and daughter to our friends house (who have a 4yo son) and have some wine on their patio.

I get flack all the time from my “non-mom” friends, but I don’t know how else to explain it to them. I love you all but I’m just not interested in socials… does that make me a bad friend or am I justified in wanting family time?

I work full time and travel an hour to and from work each day. I don’t get too much mommy and me time… my weekends are gold. I love to cook and relax when I’m home. Not put on skinny jeans and heels (spanx included) to drink expensive juice and feel like crap the next day!

Anonymous May 27, 2010, 8:31 AM

A friend of mine parties non-stop. All night, every night. I watched her younger daughter when she was barely 2 weeks old so the mother could go party. She doesn’t have custody of them anymore. Thank God.

Erica May 27, 2010, 10:45 PM

My DH’s exwife did “girls nights” 3-4 times a week. When he brought up staying home with him and DSD for family nights she threw the adult version of tantrums saying that he was trying to control her. Unfortunately she saw her family as an obligation and thought she was entitled to go out every night of the week. Finally DH got wind of the multiple people she was sleeping with on theses “Girls nights” and filed for divorce.

I definately have a few concerns about women who go on so many of these nights out. I’m more than happy if I can catch a night out with the girls and a lunch/coffee date once or twice a month. Some things are just more important.

Nancy May 29, 2010, 7:20 AM

I just happened to be searching for this topic and here I am. I think every Mom I know parties all the time. They do the tuck & crawl and run out to the bar at 9 or 10 at night. I am only 37 with 3 kids ages 12, 7 & 5. I am a SAHM and feel like I”m the most boring one out of these Moms. They go to concerts, local fashions shows, it’s every week. I’m pretty simple…wish I could find other Moms willing to do the dinner party with the kids. They would laugh at me!! Maybe they are doing this and I am just not invited. I have even asked my kids…do I spend too much time with you, maybe thinking they are tired of seeing me. They replied NO! So I guess I am not smothering them. But it seems everyone I know has their kids with a babysitter constantly. I don’t even have a regular paid babysitter. I guess I should get one. I did realize however volunteering in my sons class that one kid was crying that her Dad was gone until the next day and that same day they were staying with a babysitter because they were going out to eat with adults???? I just don’t get it…:(

In agreement May 29, 2010, 12:28 PM

I definitely agree with this. I’m a 22 year old mother of 4 kids. The only time I ever ended up going out once every single week was when I was the DJ at one of our clubs. Other than that, my babies are my responsibility, and I probably go out to a club 1-2 times every 3 months or so. I have other things I need to do, so unless I’m working at said club as a sound tech or a DJ, there’s no reason I need to be out there twice a week, partying it up with a bunch of smashed adults.

Julie May 31, 2010, 9:12 AM

There’s nothing wrong with going out to be with adults once in a while. It’s healthy for your marriage to have monthlty date nights. Going out with the girls once in a while is good too. Several times a week and drinking is a bit excessive, I agree though. I’m a little concerned about the author’s ‘separation anxieties’. How old are her kids? Unless they’re toddlers, it’s a little weird to feel keep them under your watchful eye constantly. It’s called ‘helicopter parenting’.

Chris June 2, 2010, 5:28 PM

I agree also. It’s really prevalent among young mothers. If you look to Hollywood, you see young mothers, like Britney Spears, partying just about every night, while her kids are left with the nanny. I’ll watch “16 and Pregnant” on MTV and some of the young moms just think they can just dump their kids on their parents while they go out with their friends every day. One girl had her parents watching her child just about every night while she went clubbing with her friends, looking for a new boyfriend.

Rachrach June 4, 2010, 2:33 AM

What on earth does “cruising” mean?! As if mothers are wantonly picking up men at, um, spas? Yeah I bet. Thin veil on the judgment here.

Also, if it’s so hard to “burn the candle at both ends”, maybe the dads should step up and burn it too. Why is one of the candle ends just mommy’s duty? Maybe she could step out and breathe if there was someone willing to do bathtime.

Similarly, how the **** is “nurturing” part of a WOMAN’s “day job”? There are two parents for every child… and we would all benefit from considering it a privilege and not a job. Albeit a privilege we should all share in.

Also, it’s condescending to say that women who have lives outside of marriage and motherhood are “running away” from an “unhappy marriage.” Give me a break. The healthiest marriages are those that allow and encourage outside interests… including girls’ nights.

Overall, weak article. Obviously sexist in not considering women’s motivations for said supposed debauchery. Maybe they are tired of being isolated with only children for company. Maybe they are tired of their husbands not helping out. Or, omg, maybe such “party” women are completely healthy well-adjusted individuals who still like doing what they did before they had a kid. God forbid.

Josh M September 28, 2010, 11:09 PM

I recently moved back in with my after living with my dad for 2 years after their divorced and I have noticed a dramatic increase in her partying. She goes out almost every night and doesn’t come home until almost midnight and the weekends she never comes home. I recently beat up one of male friends for putting her bad situation and now we don’t talk at all we just both come home and go to bed that’s it no interaction at all. I want to give her another chance to be a mom but me and my brothers have given her several and we are at are breaking points.

alyce November 21, 2010, 2:54 AM

it all depends on what tou do when you go out and how late you come home.if you stay out til 3-5 in te morning on saturday getting drunk and driving ,or getting laid by strange men then its a problem even 1 night a week.You also will be no good to your kids on sunday. nobody is saying not to have fun just have responsible adult fun not late teens early 20s fun no matter how lod you are ,once you have kids its time for a different type of life.

gunfoor123 February 5, 2011, 7:29 AM

I think we need to bring more ideas for this purpose. Involvement of young people can be handy in this regard. I am happy to find a good post here. Thank you
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