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My Fatherless Mother's Day

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Kimberly Seals Allers: Maybe it was wrong of me to expect -- after seven years of marriage, two children and a no-drama-from-me divorce -- that the "wasband" could have at least sent a "Thanks for keeping my kids alive, b****" text message on Mother's Day. Or given the kids $20 toward their own Mother's Day efforts ....

father in devil horns reading the paper

After all, Mother's Day is about acknowledging and recognizing all the hard work mothers do. And while we expect mothering to be a thankless job when it comes to our children, we do expect grown-ass men to recognize it.

Well, I expected that.

Given the skimpy or nonexistent child support, the inconsistent visitation and my continued efforts to make sure he stays involved in our children's lives, I think a small thank-you would have been in order. I can't help but feel that, all across the nation yesterday, even babydaddies and one-night-stand dads took a millisecond to send a text message or pick up some gas-station flowers in a weak Mother's Day effort. Not my wasband.

He seems oblivious to the fact that his children are clean and well-dressed though he doesn't pay a dime. That his son started reading at age 4 because I work with him every night, and that his daughter is a straight-A student in dance and sign-language classes. These things must have happened because of the parenting fairy.

I always dreamed, even through the divorce, of a positive co-parenting relationship. So far, it remains a dream.



next: Buy Me THIS for Mother's Day, Dammit!
7 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anon May 8, 2010, 8:11 AM

You divorced him; why do you care?

Again? May 8, 2010, 8:45 AM

This is the mother’s day article from last year. If you’re going to re-use articles, that’s fine, just say it’s a re-post.

Loving stemom May 8, 2010, 3:59 PM

You sure do sound hateful. It’s not always the “wasbands” fault. I can tell you from experience that “waswives” are just as likely to not pay child support and royally screw up kids’ lives. Sorry, but this mothers day, my kids’ biological mom does not deserve even a text, maybe a swift kick in the ……

Anon May 8, 2010, 4:05 PM

whine, whine, whine

holly May 9, 2010, 9:50 AM

Triple seconded the annoyance to this post. It’s whiny, it’s from last year, and not really the kind of post I want to read on mother’s day.

Kikibo May 11, 2010, 7:14 AM

Yes, lots of moms go through this year after year…Welcome to the world of single-parenting in cases where the non-custodial parent does not feel a need to acknowledge your efforts, even on a day set aside to do just that.

Having expectations of different results despite the “wasband’s” constant same actions, doesn’t usually lead to new behaviors on his part or disappointment on yours… and yes, it does sound whiny.

You may want to work on “accepting him as he is and accepting him as he is not”. If you don’t, then you will have YEARS of dashed expectations from someone who stopped meeting your expectations long ago.

Peace and Grace to you.

Shell May 11, 2010, 12:57 PM

I truly understand were you are coming from and the women who say you are being whiny and hateful are full of it. This is why these men and women behave the way they do. Society tells us that we should just except the fact that “wasbands, waswives, babydaddies,babymamas, etc.” are eternal jerks and I really don’t think that’s fair. As you said even dads who aren’t around the whole year at least take those few moments and at least send a text message and these punks can’t I don’t care of this post if from last year, it still rings true. If you don’t want to read this kind of thing on mother’s day then don’t. I think its important though that everyones’s feelings are stated on a particular subject. This article hit home for me and I am glad that you reposted it b/c it was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.


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