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The REAL Reason My Kid Can't Sleep Over ....

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Guest blogger Maria: A while back, I wrote a post about Chloe, my daughter's friend whose mother has a serious pill and alcohol addiction. Now I feel like I need to go one step further -- for the little girl's protection.

drunk mom

I wrote about how Chloe spent a lot of time at our house, and how her mother wanted to reciprocate by having my daughter, Emily, come to her house, too. I was able to get by with excuses as to why Emily could never go, but now I think the time has come to tell Chloe's mom the truth.

First, an update: I am not the only one to have taken notice of Chloe's mother's addiction. Last month, another mother made arrangements to pick up Chloe after school to take her and her daughter to get pizza and see a movie. She picked up Chloe as planned -- but in the meantime, Chloe's mom showed up (drunk) at the school and raised HELL with the principal for "allowing" someone to "kidnap" her kid. This poor other woman had sent multiple confirmation texts and e-mail reminders -- one exchange had occurred that very morning -- that she would be picking up Chloe from school. But Chloe's mom had forgotten (you can guess why), and when she was reminded, refused to take any responsibility. After that exchange, the CPS was alerted (by the school, as legally they must). I don't know what came of it.

Then last week, I got "drunk Facebooked" by this woman. She basically told me to "stay out of her life" -- but as written, it said, "Stay ot ob mie libe." I had been "blocked" from her friend list, so I couldn't send a message to respond to her. I deleted the post, then deleted her as my "friend." That afternoon, I saw her at school when I was picking up Emily. There she was with a bloated face and lipstick smeared all over her teeth -- and she was wasted. (Honestly, I haven't seen her sober in over a year, no matter the time of day.) When I asked her WTF was up with the wall post, she acted like she knew nothing about it, then said she hadn't been on her computer in weeks. Uh huh. I'm barely in the woman's life; how much more does she want me out?! I wish she'd let me know, as I'd like nothing more.

Then she asked me, "Why doesn't Emily spend the night anymore?" As disgusted as I was, I felt sorry for her. She's so messed up she has no idea why Emily -- or any of Chloe's other friends -- don't spend the night. I can't imagine being so clueless! I decided that I needed to be honest with her, and that I needed to tell her, in the kindest way, exactly why her place was no longer the mecca of sleepover activity. I promised to call her later that night when the kids were in bed. At 8:30 PM I dialed her number, and -- surprise, surprise -- she had no recollection of me telling her I'd call. I whispered a silent prayer, then explained why I wasn't comfortable with Emily sleeping over.

She got defensive, but I tried to be compassionate and told her my experiences with my brother and his addiction. Of course she denied being an alcoholic ("I only drink socially ....") or an addict ("How can I be an addict if my doctor prescribes them ...?") like I thought she might, but at least she didn't cuss me out and threaten to keep Chloe from sleeping over.

She was so high, though, that I doubt she'll remember the conversation. I will not be surprised when she texts me next week and asks if Em can come hang out. It's so sad. Some of the comments I received the last time I wrote about Chloe advised me to call CPS. I hate to get further mixed up in this, but considering what just happened, I guess it's what I'm going to have to do. I hope everything turns out OK and that I'm making the right decision.

next: Innocent Dance Moves or Totally Inappropriate?
14 comments so far | Post a comment now
chris May 14, 2010, 4:12 AM

When you saw her at the school to p/u her kid…did she take her? I would hate to think that she was that wasted and she still drove her daughter home. You really need to call CPS and anyone else in her family that you can. This women is a danger to her daughter and herself.

lissalou May 14, 2010, 8:28 AM

My husband was raised by a drung addict. She finally abandoned him and his siblings, but he has said more than once that tho he loved his mother very much, he wishes someone would have called CPS. He knows his mother loved him and he thinks that, more than anything, would have given her a wake up call

Shanon May 14, 2010, 9:02 AM

You really do need to call CPS. How would you feel if you saw on the news that she crashed the car driving while drunk and her daughter was hurt or worse. Then you would feel guilty and also have to explain what happened to your own child. My sister-in-law works in placement for CPS,and if at all possible they try to place the child with a family member.

Black Iris May 14, 2010, 10:11 AM

Where is the girl’s father?
Are there any other relatives who might be able to take the girl?
Can you talk to the school principal or counselor?
You have a responsibility to call CPS, but be aware that they may not solve the problem.

Theresa May 14, 2010, 11:41 AM

Every time you see this women in a car you need to call the police and tell them that you suspect drunken driving…it’s all of our responsibilities to keep the roads safe. It’s nice that this little girl has friends who’s parents look out for her…

Anonymous May 14, 2010, 11:41 AM

I’m involved very deeply in a situation like this. Sadly, it runs in the kids’ mom’s family. I only hope that since they’ve been moved into their father’s parents home with the two of them that they’ll be ok. As much as it hurts, the children were hurting far worse before CPS got involved. They are finally living an almost normal life.

Anonymous May 14, 2010, 1:40 PM

tell her that she’s a drunk and a loser!

Kp May 14, 2010, 8:53 PM

I was raised with an addict mother. CPS was at our house quite often, and I had a very rough, abusive childhood… I think you should try to help this child as much as possible, but I have to tell you that I would have ended up so much worse off if I had been taken away from my mother. I have a very stable and happy life and have grown stronger with every obsticle I have overcome. I know many people are not as lucky as I am, but being taken away from your parents is very very serious. I did move in with my father at the age of 14 and had a very good support system with other family. I am just saying, things are situational, and its very hard to get involved with situations like these. Good luck to you and Chloe.

mercaties May 15, 2010, 11:35 PM

I’m a little confused. The post says that the school allready called CPS. Obviously, if the little girl is still there that makes me think someone else is actually taking care of her or they don’t consider the situation that bad. Good for you though for standing your ground with your own child. Cps has allready been notified there isn’t mutch more you can do other than be a good friend to this little girl and continue to report what you see.

Concerned Mom May 22, 2010, 9:11 AM

When I read the title, I thought immediately you suspected sexual abuse in the home. What to say when this is your dilemma? We tried to call cps and they said we needed to come up with more. Little things like a child open mouth kissing her dad and calling him her handsome boyfriend. Tiny underwear by the hot tub, kid saying she wakes up half undressed, boundary issues…She thinks her fam is perfect and wants me to believe it too. What to say?

a Mom May 22, 2010, 9:19 AM

It’s good you care about them so much. Don’t give up trying to reach out to her. Could talking to her fam help?

Ten Tees January 8, 2011, 9:29 PM

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tabletki na pryszcze April 3, 2011, 7:34 AM

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electronic cigarette April 8, 2011, 3:45 PM

Thanks for writing this post. Now everything is clear for me!!

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