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My Tween Watched Our Sex Tape!

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Guest blogger Margie: My daughter watched our sex tape last night. Not all of it, thankfully; I interrupted it before it got too ... shall we say, "interesting." But she saw enough to know what was on the screen: her parents about to DO IT.

girl covering her face

After we had the "sex talk" earlier this year, I'd wondered when she would be exposed to porn. I knew it would happen eventually, but man! I was imagining that it would occur in college, when she was miles away from our watchfulness. Never did I think she'd get ahold of our porno -- the one that her father and I had made when the kids were at my mother's. I won't go into detail about what she saw, but it was enough to make me blush. (Or, more accurately, want to die of embarrassment.) She was innocently looking through "home movies" and was -- thank you, thank you, thank you -- just about 10 seconds past hitting "play" when I walked in. I calmly turned off the TV and explained that adults don't always make the right decisions, but that the tape had been made by two loving and consenting adults. Then I took the tape into the garage and smashed it with a hammer.

It's almost funny that this should happen, because my best friend, Jules, had told me how traumatized she had been as a kid after she found and watched (to completion, pardon the pun) her parents' sex tape. It's still burned into her memory. I can't imagine! I mean, I'm a 40-year-old woman, and while I know that my own parents "did it," it creeps me out to dwell on the fact -- even for a second. So now my 9-year-old will carry with her, for the rest of her life, something no person should: visual proof of her parents' sex life. I'm almost grossing out for her.

I didn't make a big deal of it, because I didn't want her to think it was a big deal. But still, I had to do some damage control before she made assumptions about the tape (such as, that it was OK to make one). We had an addition to our earlier sex talk, about how, nowadays (what with camera phones and YouTube), nothing is private anymore. I told her about Paris Hilton and how her private tape had been put on the Internet for the world to see. I thanked her for finding the tape, because we had misplaced it and had meant to destroy it (the truth, actually). I told her that it was best to never, ever make a sex tape -- or even take a provocative photo -- because if it got put on the Web, it would be out there forever. And finally, I said that I was sorry she'd had to see something that was never meant for her eyes. I am so very thankful that I caught it in time, before she got too deeply in (again, pardon the pun), and I hope that I haven't scarred her.

So go ahead, give it to me (ugh, another one -- sorry): You think I'm an irresponsible parent. And you're probably right. Something meant to be fun between my husband and me turned out to be the parenting mistake of the decade. Even though it could have been much worse, I'm kicking myself for being so stupid. Learn from our mistake, and DON'T make a sex tape! Having your kid watch it may not be as bad as having everyone on the Internet watching it, but it comes darn close.


next: 10 Signs It's Time to Lose the Baby Weight
25 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous May 17, 2010, 4:41 AM

I have my own story. One day couple of months ago, I went upstairs and knocked on my son (14) bedroom door and he wouldn’t answer right away and then I started hearing a woman moaning and I couldn’t figure out what was going on and I keep knocking and he keep saying “hold on” well when he finally answered the door I was like “what is going on” he keep saying nothing but I still looked around his room and that’s when I found our portable dvr player and looked in it and found one of our adult movies. We had it hidden in our closet but I guess he found it. Don’t really know why he was looking thru our closet but it sure was embarrassing for all of us. Those damn kids! :-) And yes, I told him to stay out of our private stuff.

Tara May 17, 2010, 5:56 AM

I think how you handled it was great!. You acknowledged what it was rather than hide it, and you didn’t penalize her for something that wasn’t her fault for seeing. Embarrassing? Sure but it’s a learning experience, and I’m glad you tied in the idea of how it’s not a good idea to bc of the internet, etc.

Jeff Kent May 17, 2010, 7:06 AM

How was the lighting? That’s always difficult to get just right…

Kristin May 17, 2010, 8:32 AM

Don’t be too hard on yourself—Sh*t happens! The important part is that you handled it like a pro…no pun intended. ^-^

Samantha  May 17, 2010, 11:24 AM

you did something that consenting adults do (kudos to your great sex life btw! it’s hard to keep that stuff up sometimes (pardon the pun, lol). that being said, i think you handled the entire situation greatly. except i don’t think i would have smashed the tape, if it was a good one..i would have locked it up safely in a lockbox somewhere.

Britanie May 17, 2010, 7:36 PM

is everyone missing something here? she writes “after we had the sex talk earlier this year” her daughter is nine! i have a nine year old daughter and while i’m pretty sure kids talk at school i’m positive neither one of us are ready for the “sex talk.” idk maybe its just be but 9 seems a bit young and i agree with samantha if your gonna make a tape dont add it to your home movie collection lock it up!

Anonymous May 17, 2010, 10:24 PM

9 is definately not too young to have the sex talk. It’s actually a good age because they will be hitting puberty soon and it needs to be an open ongoing conversation. You won’t have the same sex talk with a nine year old as you would with a 15 year old, but it’s better for the child that they hear the information from you rather than on tv or at school. Kids are exposed to things at a much younger age these days and it’s smart to start the conversation young and continue the talk as they get older.

Sharon May 18, 2010, 3:21 AM

I thought the 9 seemed young too, but then I thought about a friend of mine’s daughter who started menstruating around that age… spotty, but still. So some basic knowledge is definitely needed, especially if you/ your family has early onset puberty. I never did, “the talk” we’ve just always talked about whatever at the level they are at.

I think Margie did a great job of handling it though, and I imagine it would have been much more traumatic if she hadn’t had a talk with her daughter already.

DARLA KIDDER May 18, 2010, 3:33 AM

At least it wasn’t the adult porn xxx rated kind , those are pretty bad and don’t show a loving couple showing their feelings for one another.

Tony May 18, 2010, 3:59 AM

I had a good laugh at this story. What is the big deal about this 9 year old seeing the tape. She is learning what she is on this earth for and that is to please her man. And what a better teacher than mom and dad.
Even if she didn;t see the moms video the daughter would be shacking up in a few years…
If the mother was smart she would get her daughter on the pill so she does not bring home a present for mom in her belly.

Courtney May 18, 2010, 9:48 AM

A 9 year old on the pill! Are you an idot! Seriously we are talking about a nine your old here a CHILD!!!! When do it become comical to joke about children needing to go on a pill. So maybe some children are getting their period earlier and earlier but that doesn’t mean we need to put them on a pill. If you were a responsible parent and talked to your child they shouldn’t have a need to go on birth control at 9 years old. At the age of 9 you have control over what your child does and having sex should not be on that list. Your comments disgust me.

Gina G  May 18, 2010, 9:52 AM

WOW! I am not trying to judge but why on earth would the sex tape after being made ever have been misplaced? It should have been locked up!

Courtney May 18, 2010, 9:55 AM

Oh and one more thing TONY, no it isn’t right for a child to be trained at nine years of age, or any age for that matter that their importance here on earth is to “please her man”. What the hell is wrong with you? What type of sick mind do you have. children at any age should not be exposed to sex. While I know this situation was an accident and clearly the mom felt horrible about it I don’t think as parents we should use these types of opportunities to train up our child who to be sex slaves to men as you suggest. People like you belong behind bars you freaking creep.

wendy May 18, 2010, 1:20 PM

Tony is some sicko who needs mental help asap!He shouldn’t be allowed on here posting disgusting stuff like that and i’m appalled that momlogic lets him post that insanity on here,for shame,momlogic.Second,that tape shouldn’t be with the families home videos.Home videos are things like parties,vacations etc not mom & dad making their own little sex tape(which is ok to do)but for god’s sake lock it up under lock and key.Can you imagine if the daughter would’ve played it with a friend there or say when grandparents were visiting?

Just Sayin' May 18, 2010, 5:42 PM

Britanie - unfortunately, if YOU don’t have that talk with your child…someone else might. And they can tell your child whatever they want and make them believe it. A neighbor did that to my little sister - he was 70+ and she was underage.

Robert May 18, 2010, 9:05 PM

I think Tony might have actually been a bored kid having fun, but still, that WAS pretty bad. I always cringe when I see my female friends taking all the crap they don’t have to take. The reason we see you as needing to be perfect is because you want us to see you as needing to be perfect. The more women stand up against us, the more we’ll have to start seeing you as equals. Right now, I sorta agree with Tony, at least a little. I mean, what else ARE you here for?

TONY IS KING May 18, 2010, 9:11 PM

OF THE INTERNETS.

Bystander May 18, 2010, 9:20 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7FJboVAaEM

Yeah. Lets jump all over someone for suggesting that a little girl be put on the bill - but hey, lets dress them up like streetwalkers and encourage THIS behavior.

The fact is, children are being sexualized younger and younger. If you dont get a grip on that and want to scream your closeminded judgment at other people - you should be taking a long hard look at the fantasy world you live in.

Yeah, you have “control” of your kids at that age - but youre not with them every moment of every day. Children are curious, and stranger things have happened.

As long as mothers are putting their children into pageants and dance competitions like this one, cheering them on and letting little girls think this is ok - keep your hypocritical preaching to yourself, Courtney.

Anonymous  May 19, 2010, 8:43 AM

WOW!!! All I have to say to the men on here is “MEN!!”..I get what ‘Bystander’ is saying because I think that is despicable to do to young girls but back to the original subject..I think she handled it great as well! She said it was a mistake that it got misplaced & she felt horrible about it..things happen & we lose control of the situation but I think she did a great job reclaiming control! EVERY child is different & the parents know better than anyone what their child is ready for including when the child is ready to learn about sex. Sometimes things happen that force kids to learn earlier than they should. My son was exposed to porn on the internet thanks to a child his age that he went to school with since Kindergarten. He lived in our neighborhood & told my son to go to this website when he was only 8. My son didn’t think anything of it & opened it right in front of me & his sister & I almost passed out! I had some explaining to do & I did not think I would be talking about that with him for a while! Don’t beat yourself up..you did wonderful!

Just wondering May 19, 2010, 8:04 PM

How is it she says that she saw the tape but also says her daughter was 10 seconds from pressing play which one is it? If she never pressed play I don’t get it or did she really watch most of it. Also for everyone saying why does she have it with the family movies she clearly states that it was misplaced not that she decided that it should go there. People lose things a lot and although that is something on a different level it could have been left there by dad or on accident.


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