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My Tween Watched Our Sex Tape!

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Guest blogger Margie: My daughter watched our sex tape last night. Not all of it, thankfully; I interrupted it before it got too ... shall we say, "interesting." But she saw enough to know what was on the screen: her parents about to DO IT.

girl covering her face

After we had the "sex talk" earlier this year, I'd wondered when she would be exposed to porn. I knew it would happen eventually, but man! I was imagining that it would occur in college, when she was miles away from our watchfulness. Never did I think she'd get ahold of our porno -- the one that her father and I had made when the kids were at my mother's. I won't go into detail about what she saw, but it was enough to make me blush. (Or, more accurately, want to die of embarrassment.) She was innocently looking through "home movies" and was -- thank you, thank you, thank you -- just about 10 seconds past hitting "play" when I walked in. I calmly turned off the TV and explained that adults don't always make the right decisions, but that the tape had been made by two loving and consenting adults. Then I took the tape into the garage and smashed it with a hammer.

It's almost funny that this should happen, because my best friend, Jules, had told me how traumatized she had been as a kid after she found and watched (to completion, pardon the pun) her parents' sex tape. It's still burned into her memory. I can't imagine! I mean, I'm a 40-year-old woman, and while I know that my own parents "did it," it creeps me out to dwell on the fact -- even for a second. So now my 9-year-old will carry with her, for the rest of her life, something no person should: visual proof of her parents' sex life. I'm almost grossing out for her.

I didn't make a big deal of it, because I didn't want her to think it was a big deal. But still, I had to do some damage control before she made assumptions about the tape (such as, that it was OK to make one). We had an addition to our earlier sex talk, about how, nowadays (what with camera phones and YouTube), nothing is private anymore. I told her about Paris Hilton and how her private tape had been put on the Internet for the world to see. I thanked her for finding the tape, because we had misplaced it and had meant to destroy it (the truth, actually). I told her that it was best to never, ever make a sex tape -- or even take a provocative photo -- because if it got put on the Web, it would be out there forever. And finally, I said that I was sorry she'd had to see something that was never meant for her eyes. I am so very thankful that I caught it in time, before she got too deeply in (again, pardon the pun), and I hope that I haven't scarred her.

So go ahead, give it to me (ugh, another one -- sorry): You think I'm an irresponsible parent. And you're probably right. Something meant to be fun between my husband and me turned out to be the parenting mistake of the decade. Even though it could have been much worse, I'm kicking myself for being so stupid. Learn from our mistake, and DON'T make a sex tape! Having your kid watch it may not be as bad as having everyone on the Internet watching it, but it comes darn close.


next: 10 Signs It's Time to Lose the Baby Weight
25 comments so far | Post a comment now
Chris May 20, 2010, 2:33 AM

To just wondering: She meant her daughter was 10 seconds into the movie! IE the child had only just turned it on, thank goodness when mom realized what it was the child was watching.

To Margie: As a mother of 4, I have been where you are, and I think you handled it very well, all things considered! It’s definately not something any parent wants to happen, but we’re all human, and the way you handled it sounds to me like your a good mom. I have a daughter (now 25 yrs old) and 3 sons (ages 23, 20, and 10) and I have found that if there’s something you dont want your kids to see…the best thing to do is not even keep it in the house. Kids are curious, and always seem to find stuff we never wanted them to see, and never thought they would come across…

To those who think 9 is too young for talk of sex: In this day and age, it is definately NOT too young! Considering how society is, how fast these kids grow up now, and what all they are exposed to with our advanced technology etc..9 is NOT too young to start talking about this stuff, of course the conversation is going to be different than if she was a teen, but it’s best to start young so the girl is ready for puberty and the girl feels comfortable and open to talking with her mom about this stuff. Building trust and having an open attitude about this stuff and letting your kids know you are willing to answer questions and make sure they know they can come to you with anything, and that you will always be honest with them is important to start at a young age.


Courtney May 20, 2010, 11:52 AM

Bystander I dont know what your problem is or why you have it out for me but clearly you are not being neutral as you suggest. My comments weren’t even in regards to the story. I understand that things happen and I felt for the mom in the situation. My comments were to the many TONY who was suggesting that we exploit our children and teach them how to have sex. And to get our 9 year olds on the pill. I am not trying to preach to anyone and I am not a hypocrite. First off you dont know how I dress my children and I can guarantee you that they dont look like they are ready to work a corner as you suggested. I also dont expose my children to sex at a young age they dont need to be. And no I wont put my 9 year old on the pill. Sorry it isnt going to happen. Yes, while you are right we arent with our children every minute of every day I am around my children well enough to know that I wont allow my 9 year old to get into a situation where birth control could have been handy. At nine years of age children shouldnt be playing alone. For many reasons and sex wasnt on the top of my life. How about getting hit by a car or kidnapped. So excuse the hell out of me if I find it offensive that a man would suggest that we do train our young girls and CHILDREN after all HOW TO HAVE SEX. That is nasty and disgusting and in many states people could get locked up for making comments like that about children. So back the hell off of my back because you dont judge me when it comes to being a mom espically when you dont know me.

Yemmy rocks May 23, 2010, 10:37 PM

I’m a young mother but this is surely helpful. At least i can help my daughter when she’s of age

Leah May 26, 2010, 9:25 AM

I can’t imagine EVER making a sex tape, but I do NOT think 9 is too young for “the talk”! My child saw the puberty film at school in 4th grade, which mentioned a little about how babies are made, and I personally was told about sex by a classmate when I was 8. By middle school, kids were showing me porn magazines (even Hustler), and that was back when porn wasn’t nearly as widely available as now. Kids are hearing stuff by that age, so they might as well hear YOUR view and not just the views of uninformed kids and the media. Heck, I’ve heard of kids getting pregnant in elementary school around here. I told my kids the basics of how babies are made when they were 7 and 5 and the subject of pregnancy came up, without going into a lot of specifics about “the act,” but we will tell them more as they get older.

Tony is righy April 30, 2011, 2:21 PM

Tony is right women are here to please their man and to make sandwiches and that sort of thing. Maybe when you women start learning how to take out the garbage or screw in alightbulb then men will take you seriously


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