twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Singing During Yoga Ain't So Beautiful

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Jennifer Ginsberg: Last week at my regular yoga class, I was surprised when the instructor announced that she would be playing music.

Singing During Yoga Ain't So Beautiful

In all the years that I have been attending her class, she has never used music. She explained that some of her students had made the request, so while she didn't love the idea, she was going to practice "flexibility of spirit." Having attended many yoga classes over the years (with and without music), I didn't have a strong opinion about the matter -- that is, until one of my worst nightmares came true while I was in downward-facing dog!

Yoga is a time for me to take a break and get centered ... to calm my mind and challenge my body ... to get a mental vacation from my fast-paced life. So when that horrific excuse for a song, "You're Beautiful" -- by that greasy-haired rat James Blunt (who somehow managed to seduce many hot celebrities) -- flooded over the speakers, I shuddered. But I was determined not to let his whiny voice and the pedantic lyrics disrupt my Zen.

As I flowed through the asanas, I tried to focus on my breathing and not think about that revolting interview I read wherein Blunt bragged that he'd lied to multiple women by telling them that they had been the inspiration for his song ... just to get them into bed.

I felt disgust rise up in me as Blunt whimpered, "You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true ...." I noticed my feelings of anger and tried to breathe out forgiveness as my body flowed through the yoga poses. But I couldn't stop thinking of that stringy, slimy skank as a symbol of everything that is wrong with the male species. And why oh why, I wondered, would my seemingly cool and feminist yoga teacher put this wack song by this creepy dude on her playlist?

"Stop thinking," I told myself. "Release your rage. Breathe."

Then the unimaginable happened: The woman doing yoga next to me began to sing along to the song. Loudly and off-key. God help me.

I considered my options as I heard her squeaky voice merge with Blunt's pathetic warbling to create a nauseating duet. My instinct was to scream, "Shut the f*ck up!" at the top of my lungs, but I figured that probably wouldn't be the most mindful act of compassion. I considered bolting, but dammit, I'd earned my spot! If after all these years of practicing yoga I couldn't change my focus and remain calm, I might as well throw in my yoga mat and take up spinning.

I couldn't resist glaring at the woman as I flowed into Warrior 2. But she was lost in her own fantasy world -- undoubtedly making passionate love to this metrosexual freak on some sandy beach as they both crooned, "I saw your face in a crowded place ...."

Suddenly the instructor bellowed, "Who is that singing?" She walked over to woman standing next to me and scolded her, "Nikola, is that you? Stop singing! I'm flexible, but not that flexible."

Nikola (who shockingly was not a prepubescent girl but a middle-aged woman) sheepishly smiled, unfazed and unashamed -- despite the fact that she had just been publicly humiliated for singing karaoke during a yoga class.

Her eyes were glazed over, since she was still caught up in the fantasy of her rock-star boyfriend passionately embracing her while crooning, "You're beautiful ..." in her ear. And who was I to disrupt her Zen?

But next time, sweetheart, sing silently to yourself. Or, if you have to belt it out, save it for the Beastie Boys or Nirvana!

next: 10 Clumsy Kids' Dance Recital Costumes
91 comments so far | Post a comment now
shaina May 15, 2010, 8:11 AM

this is one of the funniest articles i’ve ever read on momlogic. this could be an episode from curb your enthusiasm - that is of course if larry david did yoga!

Snurch AZ May 15, 2010, 8:55 AM
HeeHee May 15, 2010, 5:32 PM

Better singing than farting.

chase internet banking October 18, 2010, 2:44 PM

Hey, I just hopped over to your site via StumbleUpon. Not somthing I would normally read, but I liked your thoughts none the less. Thanks for making something worth reading.

Dante Mcglamery October 25, 2010, 12:53 AM

I’ve been looking around on the internet looking to get ideas on the way to get my personal website coded, your overall design and style together with design are fantastic. Did you actually code it yourself or did you employ a coder to do it for you?

Christina Hendricks October 25, 2010, 10:56 AM

Do you people have a facebook fan webpage? I looked for one on facebook or myspace but could not find one, I would love to become a fan!

Pamula Langhorst October 26, 2010, 4:55 PM

Most states have a predetermined set of approved wholesalers.

Jere Konyn October 26, 2010, 5:33 PM

I am always trying to find somebody to alternative article content along with, I am a scholar student and possess a web log right here on our university internet site. The topic of your respective blog and writting fashion would go great in some of my category’s, let me know should you be up for this.

Nikita Broxterman October 27, 2010, 3:18 PM

My brother and I have been just discussing this particular very topic, he is invariably trying to prove me completely wrong. Your view on this is excellent and just how I really feel. I recently e-mailed my brother this page to show him your current perspective. After looking over your blog site I added and will be returning to read your posts!

Margot Virola October 30, 2010, 7:37 PM

I heard these enthusiastic comments germane to as though this was clearly written.

Kenya Richmond October 31, 2010, 2:57 AM

It isn’t unexpected for to be more inclusive.

Timika Gbur October 31, 2010, 11:09 AM

Stick around and I’ll spell out.

Thaddeus Spinner November 9, 2010, 11:05 AM

It is how to end being nervous about others.

Diane Whinery November 10, 2010, 9:05 AM

The Internet has given new chances for everyone.

Jennifer Stcyr November 13, 2010, 3:06 PM

My pal requested that i arrive and look at the posting, jane is truly do a school venture on the subject. Were did you get your oringal facts on this particular or did an individual make it up?

Ying Fama November 18, 2010, 6:23 AM

Total I suppose this can be anything to think about nonetheless it may well just be slightly little bit of base. In my nation we needs to honer brilliant people and I’m honoring your publish as I do feel it really is relatively great.

porno November 22, 2010, 10:04 AM

How are You? Have You ever heard of porno izle?

Caralluma Actives Onde Comprar November 29, 2010, 11:09 AM

I’m wondering now if we can talk about your sites statistics - search volume, etc, I’m trying to sites I can buy adspace through - let me know if we can talk about pricing and whatnot. Cheers mate you’re doing a great job though.

Rubi Osten November 30, 2010, 12:34 AM

This should detail what I was hinting at earlier.

Brittani Domingo December 2, 2010, 1:02 PM

You probably sense that I’m out in left field.

Back to top >>