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10 Reasons Father Doesn't Know Best

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They try. Oh, how they try. But even on Father's Day, dads sometimes just don't get it.


Guest Blogger Susan: Back in the '60s, there was a show called "Father Knows Best" -- winner of the most ironic name for a sitcom in history. But I'm not here to slam dear old Dad. I think dads are GREAT. In fact, my daughter has one. He's also my husband.

In the role of Daddy, he always does an awesome job. Well, sometimes, um, every once in a while ... when I ask him ... nicely, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until I can't freakin' take it and end up doing it myself. But still.

Top 10 Reasons Father DOESN'T Know Best:

1) He dresses the kids in flip-flops and shorts on a 45-degree day. (When the thermometer hits 100, he sends them out in fleece.)

2) He thinks "quality time" with his kid means watching "Jackass: The Movie" with his 6-year-old son.

3) On the night of his daughter's first date, he demands that she wear a turtleneck and a chastity belt. 

4) When left alone with the kids to make dinner, he serves cinnamon rolls on paper towels as the main course.

5) He nearly gets into a head-on collision with another shopping cart while playing "racecar with your toddler in the driver's seat."

6) He insists on wearing his "World's Best Dad" T-shirt, even when it's filthy.

7) He loves to toss the baby in the air like a sack of potatoes, often grazing the kid's head on the ceiling.

8) While trying to keep up with his teenage son, he throws his back out playing HORSE.

9) Instead of giving the kids a bath, he hoses them down in the backyard.

10) He actually believes "father knows best."

next: Neurotic Women Have More Babies
54 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous June 10, 2010, 5:07 AM

Ha Ha, sounds like my husband but atleast he is there for our children.

Debs June 10, 2010, 6:04 AM

Sexist nonsense. Besides, the garden hose thing sounds like fun.

anon June 10, 2010, 6:29 AM

Ooo,some refreshingly sexist dribble…let me guess, mom knows all and always does everything right?

Anonymous June 10, 2010, 6:43 AM

it’s funny because it’s true.

Lissa June 10, 2010, 7:05 AM

Not all men are this way, But most men are… lol Just last night my husband had a pillow fight in the living room with 3 of our children…

Clark Kent's Lunchbox June 10, 2010, 7:47 AM

*Gasp* Then it IS true. I heard there was some doubt, but the logical minds at MomLogic have confirmed it: Mom’s are the superior force in the universe while Dads are all uni-browed knuckle-draggers. Hold on; I need to call the President.

Boo-bee-boo-boo-bee-boo-bee. “Hello, Mr. President, it’s me. Listen, you must repeal Fathers Day. Yes, that’s right, and replace it with Mothers Day 2. I’m sorry, but MomLogic declared dads unfit to be parents. Ooops, I mean, ug oooh oooh ug ug. Me go cave now. Set children on fire and run over with wheel.”

Dan June 10, 2010, 7:58 AM

Sounds like you are married to a real dickhead. I’d divorce him if I were you June 10, 2010, 8:06 AM

Ignorant. You’ve just dredged up every stereotype on men you could think of and crammed it into what you consider a witty little list. Great, real original. As a stay at home dad who knows lots of other stay at home dads and other excellent non stay at home dads, I can confidently say that this is ridiculous. I know you’re trying to be funny, but it isn’t. It’s just the same sad women are better bullcrap. Really? you have to pick on men to make yourself feel better as a woman? great.

NaturalPapa June 10, 2010, 8:16 AM

Thanks for perpetuating the stereotype of the bumbling dad.

I’m trying to imagine the outcry from women that would result if I posted a similarly snarky post about how moms fail. Here’s hoping you get a boatload of comments and views for pissing off the dads.

I’m sure you’re just trying to be funny, but I guess my male sense of humor just doesn’t get it.

Sarah June 10, 2010, 8:31 AM

I hope you are joking….

Portland Dad June 10, 2010, 8:48 AM

Mens r stooped

chris June 10, 2010, 9:11 AM

Wow, everyone is so sensitive! My husband does count playing video games with my 14yr son as “bonding time”. My husband also wouldn’t think to plan a meal and feed the kids, if they get hungry, he just tells them to fix whatever they want. But he would never think “he knows best”. My husband is the fun loving, easy to be with parent while I am the following the rules, you need to be behave parent. I love the fact that he is more in tune with the fun side of my kids. Men and women are different which means Dad and Moms are different. With that said, I’m hoping that my kids get the best from both of us, which is being responsible with a great sense of having fun.

Colleen June 10, 2010, 9:16 AM

I know you’re trying to be funny, but really this list is just stupid. Full of stereotypes and rather mean-spirited, if you ask me. My husband is an amazing father — probably even more careful about many things than I am, but he’s also the kids’ first choice when it’s time to do something fun. Dads are just as important and “right” as moms are — and I think it’s sad that many moms see the need to take their kids’ fathers down a notch to increase their own self-esteem.

michelle June 10, 2010, 9:33 AM

Reason #11: He had the poor judgment to marry whoever wrote this sexist cr*p! LOL!

Sarah June 10, 2010, 9:40 AM

Sexist Garbage. Way to stereotype dads! :/

Chris (@tessasdad) June 10, 2010, 9:42 AM

Clap clap clap. Guest blogger Susan, you’re a comic genius. Don’t quit your day job, which since we’re throwing around stereotypes…wonder what you do???

Ameya June 10, 2010, 9:50 AM

I wouldn’t want a “reasons mothers don’t know best” list posted somewhere.. especially if they took the equally overused overbearing/over-obsessed mother stereotype. =\

RobMonroe June 10, 2010, 10:41 AM

Holy cow - I certainly hope that you don’t believe the crap that you just wrote. If nothing else, it sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with the partner in your life that you married.

Believe it or not, my wife asks ME what to dress our daughter in. I dress her appropriately for whatever elements are called for, and often remember to pack a backup in case the plan changes.

I cook three course meals and am sure that all of the food groups are covered. Every single night.

This is pure sexism and a VERY failed attempt at being funny. Well, I hope that it was an attempt to be funny. I don’t know ANY father that does this stuff in this day and age.

Nancy June 10, 2010, 11:42 AM

If this is how you talk about the father of your children in public, it’s no surprise he’s less of a partner than a millstone. I wouldn’t be likely collaborate with a spouse who so clearly disrespected me, either. What are your children learning from this adversarial relationship? Do you expect them to have better, happier marriages than yours? How will they achieve that when this is what you’re modeling to them?

not offended June 10, 2010, 11:48 AM

OMG…people it is just meant to be funny. Why is everything these days so pc. Life is hard and sometimes you just need to laugh alittle. JEEZ!

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