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10 Ways to Get in the Mood for Love

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Diana Landen: You love your husband and you feel close to him, but you don't want to have sex with him anymore. You're not depressed or anxious or dealing with sexual trauma; you're just not in the mood now that you're a mom. This advice is for you, one mom to another, so you can get your groove back.

woman in lingerie
1) Let go of the pressure to have sex. We've all heard the message, "If you don't have sex, your husband will feel neglected and pull a Tiger Woods." The problem is, feeling pressured doesn't make you want sex. Come to think of it, when was the last time feeling pressured made you want to do anything?
2) Get some sleep. Nobody -- not even men -- wants sex when they're exhausted. Besides, our equipment doesn't work as well when we're tired. (Of course you're going to hate sex if you're dry and not engorged!) Unfortunately, though, we mothers always think that there are more important things to do than sleep. Wrong! You need sleep. Sleep makes you a kinder, gentler, smarter and all-around better mother.
3) Start reading romance novels or other erotica. Everyone makes fun of romance novels, but women who read them have more sex. Besides, even the very worst romance novel beats "Penthouse Forum" for plot, character, style and realism. The truth is, many of us prefer fantasies about characters who fall in love and get married. We want to see women's bodies described lovingly, and in romance novels, the foreplay is prolonged and focused on the woman. If romances don't work for you, find something that does. (Some women prefer erotica or pornography.)
4) Pleasure yourself. Men have to worry that they'll use up all their sexual energy. We don't.  For women, masturbation keeps our equipment in prime working order and reminds us of why we want to have sex.
5) Do what you like in bed. Servicing your husband or taking care of his needs is not going to make you want to have sex. Sometimes being selfish is a favor to your partner. Let him know (nicely) what feels good and what you want to do. Talk, moan, guide his hands, show him how you masturbate. There's time enough for pleasuring him once you get to the point of wanting sex again.
6) Create a kid-free space for yourself. Mothers aren't supposed to be sexual beings, at least not once we've made the babies. So sometimes we need to get away from our children to feel like women again. It may be helpful to reserve the bedroom for adults and sex. If that's not possible, try to spend some time by yourself relaxing or go away overnight with your honey.
7) Do Kegels. Kegel exercises increase the strength of your orgasms. They increase blood flow to your genitals and make you more aware of sensations there. Some women get aroused just doing the exercises. As an added bonus for your husband, Kegels tighten the muscles around your vagina.
8) Surround yourself with hot music and art. Watch romantic comedies or pirate movies. Listen to Josh Turner sing about locking the door and turning the lights down low. Hang up a Renoir of lovers dancing, or an illustration from the Kama Sutra -- anything that gets you in the mood throughout the day.
9) Be good to your body. Exercise. Relax. Eat well, but don't starve yourself. Pamper yourself with a massage, manicure or haircut. If you're on a budget, take a nice, long bubble bath.
10) Dance. It really can lead to sex. Dance by yourself and enjoy the feeling of your body moving. Dance with your partner and it's foreplay.
Any other moms have tips for overcoming the post-baby chill?

next: My Neighbors, the Sex Offenders
5 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous June 15, 2010, 7:19 AM

Good advice.

Kimberly June 15, 2010, 9:27 AM

For me, movement was key. It I was treating my body well by moving it, be it dancing or exercise, I felt better in my own skin and started to get the urge again. Also, wearing flattering clothes helped…ones that fit and accentuated my new mom curves.

Rebecca June 28, 2010, 5:52 PM

good advice,
for me, I had to like my body again. I had a floor to ceiling mirror installed in the bathrrom and I was able to see and watch my self again. I also started to pay attention to my body again during showers or bubble baths.

Sam October 22, 2010, 9:48 AM

Good advice. For me, I needed to start reading sexy novels and pleasuring myself to realize that I can get back to wanting sex.

Ten Tees January 8, 2011, 4:57 PM

Interesting info! Nice reading. I’ve just got a small thing to submit about funny shirts.

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