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Four Ways to Hate Sex Less

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Last week, we kicked off our Hate Sex Less series.

ways to hate sex less

If you and your man still hump like bunnies after having children, more power to you -- but this is for those women who are too tired, too stressed or too overwhelmed to even THINK about sex after having kids.

Judy Dutton, author of "How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover," shares the following four tips:

1) To make sex more exciting, spicing up what you do in bed isn't always the answer. Spice up what you do outside the bedroom instead! Rather than going on your typical date night of dinner and a movie, try tango lessons, a Thai cooking class or something else you've never done together. According to various scientific studies, novel activities stimulate the brain's reward system -- the same circuits that get activated when couples first fall in love. So, you're essentially goosing your brain chemistry into making sparks fly anew, which could lead in a more romantic direction at the date's end.

2) Expecting that sex will always be fantastic is unrealistic, and sets you up for disappointment. Instead, keep in mind the 2-6-2 Rule, which says that out of every ten times you have sex, twice it'll be great, six times it'll be so-so and twice it'll be so bad you'll wonder why you bothered. Still, even mediocre sex can bring you closer -- and eventually lead to thosetwo-out-of-ten amazing encounters.

3) If you're too exhausted for sex, take turns giving and receiving. Make a deal that you'll trade off take-charge roles, so the more tired partner (you or him) gets to kick back, relax and just enjoy the ride while the other partner does most of the "heavy lifting." Maybe only one partner has an orgasm, rather than both of you. By making sex more low-maintenance, you make it less of a chore.

4) What you might need to spark your libido isn't novelty, but a return to the basics: Kissing. Eye contact. So many couples abandon these things after they've been together a while, and yet it's exactly these things that can jump-start your enjoyment.

Moms: What do YOU do to hate sex less?


next: Going Gray? No Way!
8 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous June 2, 2010, 6:00 PM

Well, I’m not the best at frequency, but I can’t imagine following the 2-6-2 rule. If it was bad, I’d stop. And we don’t do mediocre that often. Like I said, we don’t break any records when it comes to frequency, but on the other hand, I can’t imagine hating sex. Maybe I would if I expected it to be bad sometimes and rarely good.

thewildmind June 2, 2010, 9:27 PM

Really? This is the best you can do, Momlogic?
What does the 2-6-2 rule say about those who are not married or in a committed relationship?
Further, do you think for a moment a guy would tolerate the same “rule”? Na, didn’t think so, but we’re women so we can settle, right?
Bunk.
Please begin writing intelligent stuff for intelligent moms.
Thanks.

SS June 2, 2010, 11:31 PM

I take it that “thewildmind” has never been in a long term relationship, much less married.

Some people are just quick to pick up the pitchforks

beckybd June 3, 2010, 1:59 AM

Where is the mention of frigid men? Some males cannot function sexually w/o booze/alcohol. What to do if one is married to “only w/the lights off” Victorian Victor?

AmyHeartsPhotos June 3, 2010, 10:49 AM

I love how some of these comments are trying to point out all of the other possible angels for the article. HELLO. The article was in regard to women/moms in particular who don’t enjoy sex anymore, or feel as if it is more of a burden in their lives rather than pleasure. There are so many women I know who feel this way. It is in our nature to use what God gave us to lure our mates in, and essentially once we are married with children, it makes sense for that desire to lack. If this article doesn’t apply to you, don’t read it. If you don’t like the angle, write your own. If every article ever written contained every possible scenerio pertaining to that particular subject …they would be called books.

Ann July 4, 2010, 4:31 PM

The title of this article made me sad. Ended up here on accident via stumbleupon. If you honestly hate sex, then someone is doing something wrong, or some kind of mental or physical hurdle is stopping it from being good. If these are the kinds of articles needing to be written to moms nowadays, it really makes me doubt for the future. Shouldn’t you have at least titled the article ‘how to love sex’ or something like that, the current title implies you’re only trying to help them put up with something that should be a joy.

Golf September 14, 2010, 10:40 AM

Nice! I twittered this

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