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How to Keep Your Man from Cheating

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Dr. Wendy Walsh: With so much media focus on cheating husbands lately, it's not surprising that one of my readers sent me a blog by Jennifer Van Laanen entitled, "What a Man Needs." She wanted my take on it. In the blog, Van Laanen -- a married, divorced and married again mother of three -- lays out a plan to help make a husband feel like a king, presumably so he won't stray. Her plan involves old-fashioned feminine wisdom: lots of sex and ego stroking.

man with crown sitting on a throne

But can those behaviors really stop a man from committing sexual betrayal? When I asked my male Facebook followers to give me tips on how their wives might prevent them from cheating, I got a different kind of answer. The most common response? "Some men cheat, and some men don't. Period." (Some guys, though, did take the time to make a case for "plenty of oral sex" --- just as insurance.)

I think everyone is right here. Some men are wired to be promiscuous; that wiring might have a psychological (ego) or biological component, or both. Swedish researchers recently identified an "infidelity gene," which they say is present in four out of every 10 men. This gene could explain why some men are more prone to stormy relationships and bond less strongly to their wives or girlfriends.

So: One way to prevent your husband from cheating? Choose carefully. And the best way to do that is to postpone having sex. A recent study out of the U.K. found that prolonging courtship by delaying sexual contact helps screen out the bad boys, thereby helping women identify the "good" guys -- a.k.a. the men who still care AFTER mating.

While a wife can't stop a cheater who is destined to wander, I maintain that she does have the power to drive a "non-cheater" into the arms of another woman. If his nest does not provide him with the nutrients he needs -- yes, to be babied a bit, and physically and mentally supported -- he might find those things elsewhere. 

A nagging, demanding, critical wife can even make a good guy vulnerable to an affair. So, once you've chosen a good husband, take Van Laanen's advice and treat him like a king.


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8 comments so far | Post a comment now
black iris June 15, 2010, 12:41 PM

I was with you until you got to the part about women pushing non-cheaters into another woman’s arms. First of all, I don’t think there is such a thing as a non-cheater. We’re all vulnerable - our human nature makes us want sex and the problems of normal married life make us look at other people. All of us, men and women, have to be mature enough to stop ourselves, even though our mates are flawed and sometimes nag of forget to get an anniversary present. Both parties in a marriage have to make it work when there are problems.

Danielle June 15, 2010, 12:45 PM

hahaha, pretty true!! except you can keep a guy who has a reputation by not being boring AND staying in shape!! Guys dig on athletic girls. Why do girls think a man who strays away from his wife/girlfriend is such a catch? Stupid Validation if you ask me. Once a guy strays to go to you, how long before he strays to someone else!! Use your head’s ladies and stop being SO easy. It’s not a turn on!!

Danielle June 15, 2010, 5:10 PM

HAHA!! LOTS OF SEX AND STROKING EGO WOULD WORK WONDERS ON ME TOO AND I’M A CHICK!! TREAT PEOPLE HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!

michelle June 16, 2010, 9:33 AM

Treat him like a king? LOL. So let’s get this straight. Men need the chase, they love to pursue women, but once they get us we need to make it as easy as possible? OK, let’s take your advice and see how well it works. Let’s be a doormat with no opinions of life of our own. Men will of course get bored, and they will do one or more of the following: lose interest, cheat or leave. Let’s enjoy that, ladies!

Bre June 16, 2010, 3:49 PM

Next, write an article on how men can prevent their wives from cheating.

Seriously, where does this idea come from that the woman is at fault if her husband cheats on her? That’s bull.

Sarah September 17, 2010, 8:52 PM

This is rediculous. I think the author needs to remember the golden rule “treat others like you want to be treated”, because her/his idea that women need to be a sex machine that caters to a man’s every need just so he won’t cheat on his wife/girlfriend is outlandish.

Please.

Junita Gluck December 12, 2010, 6:27 AM

There is perceptibly a bundle to identify about this. I think you made some nice points in features also.

Emilia Enote December 12, 2010, 3:01 PM

There is apparently a bunch to identify about this. I assume you made some nice points in features also.


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