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I'm Fed Up With Drunken White Moms!

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Kimberly Seals Allers: It probably comes as no surprise that I'm constantly amazed by the double standards that cut across racial lines in the parenting world. For some time, it's been really bothering me (no, really!) that a large and still-growing group of white women has built a successful blogging and publishing platform and branding niche around parenting while drunk (or at least very tipsy).

woman holding cocktail

A black mom would NEVER be able to get away with making money by extolling the virtues of alcoholism and childrearing. If I receive one more mom book to review with a cutesy title featuring some mom's need for alcohol, I'm going to scream. Or have a very strong cocktail.

Witness "Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay," by Stephanie Wilder-Taylor. This is where it all began. Wilder-Taylor, who also penned the really funny blog "Make Mine a Double: Tales of Twins and Tequila," followed up the huge success of her first book with a second tome, "Naptime Is the New Happy Hour." (Just love the cover with the two wine bottles in the diaper bag!)

Then came similar books from other authors: "The Three Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting," by Christie Mellor; "Baby, Mix Me a Drink," by Lisa Brown and (a man gets in on it!) "Daddy Needs a Drink," by Robert Wilder.

There are a few non-mom ones, too, which also speak to my white-girls-get-to-joke-about-being-alcoholics point: "You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning," by Celia Rivenbark; "Crazy Aunt Purl's Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair," by Laurie Perry and Perry's follow-up book, "Home Is Where the Wine Is."

Now, don't get me wrong: I love humor and caustic wit as much as the next mom who doesn't take herself (or parenting) way too seriously. I get it. I also totally love my evening glass of wine as much as the next stressed-out mom. (As my children know, when Mommy has her "special cup," stay away for a few minutes.) But a black woman would never be able to write a book promoting the virtues of PWD (Parenting While Drunk), or even close to it.

Let me rephrase. She could write the book, but no one would ever pay to publish it. And she would likely become the poster child for the next Republican-led black-mom-bashing campaign.

After successfully writing three books of my own (and coauthoring a fourth), I've been dying to write my own humorous tale of a black suburban mom on the edge -- minus the alcohol problem. So far, I've gotten no nibbles. I should change the proposal to my secret working title: "Hennessy in my Starbucks Cup." (That's a little trick I learned from the white moms in my daughter's dance class -- putting alcohol in your Starbucks cup, that is. The Hennessy part was my idea!) Maybe then I will get more of a response.

But we all know that won't happen.

The reason it works for white women is, it's assumed that a white woman is educated, capable of drinking all the time and still parenting, and is really only joking. But Stephanie Wilder-Taylor, once the poster child of PWD, wasn't joking: She later admitted that she had a real problem and had gone into recovery. (When she put up that fateful post nearly a year ago, saying that she needed to put down the cocktail and that she was done drinking, the clamor, outrage and cries of treason could be heard across the country.)

If a black mother joked that she drank all the time while parenting, somebody would call Child Protective Services in a heartbeat. (Remember when my neighbor thought I was spanking?) White women are safe. There is no stigma attached to their drinking -- in fact, there is even a trendiness, and some lifestyle cachet. My drinking would scream "unfit mother" in glaring lights.

Because black women are barely viewed as smart, savvy moms in the first place, the thought of us touting and even celebrating drinking-on-the-job would be preposterous. And we certainly couldn't build a marketable and profitable branding platform on the idea. Nobody, not even I (and you guys think I'm pretty bold), would go there. I'm not foolish enough to assume I have that luxury.

I love the liberty and freedom that white people have in this country. They get to be who they are without any preconceived stereotypes or judgments. I just wish that privilege extended to us all.


next: Confessions of a New Stepmom
186 comments so far | Post a comment now
alliecat July 7, 2010, 8:31 AM

Race doesn’t matter. Drinking around children shouldn’t be condoned, black or white. Writing a book on how to drink around children and the necessity to do so in order to keep “your head on straight” is a real show of the authors character. Also, using your children as an excuse for alcoholism just makes it all the worse. These women need a rehab, not a published book.

Quanesha  July 7, 2010, 8:53 AM

As, I sit here and read the post of some of these women I literally have to gasp for air…It is amazing to me how white women want to take race and talk as if it does not still exist; when in actuality it does. Its just in the home of individuals who want to hide to the world that they feel how they feel. Lets be realistic ladies there is still racial barriers that all women face epecially blacks. I am a black women and a mother of four,I am not on welfare I do have a highschool diploma, Two A.A.S degrees Three certification in various fields and I am currently working on a Double B.A in healthcare management and marketing and Advertising and yes I have finacial aid to help pay for it, and I make no excuses for getting it. White women seem to have always felt inferior to Black women and you openly show it by trying to insult and down play the success of Black women. I see you all tanning and making other alterations to yourselves because you want our color, our hips, lips and shape. You want our Black Men in public but more so in secret. I dont expect anyone to be honest with themselves when they look in the mirror and say Yes! I am unhappy with myself. I covet what Black women have but I dont want to give up my so called white rights to get them..Im sorry I may have hit a nerve. Anyway for most of the white women who have Issues with another race I can just about bet my last dollar to a dime that even after today you will not take the time do any real research on the topics that have been discussed in these blogs like, welfare, section 8, educational scholorships and who they where made to accomodate. Now you can go have a drink and discuss this at your daughters next dance recital.

MsWoman July 7, 2010, 8:59 AM

BelovedMother, why don’t you take a break!! Have a drink, better yet, have some kids, so you can understand what’s being said here. Oh! I forgot, you’re going to the fertility clinic. You just wanted to show your hatred for Black Women. Back off, better yet, get off the blog, you have nothing to say. Are you Aryan?

Tired of Ignorance July 7, 2010, 9:11 AM

I’m just curious to one of the previous comments that was written. When and where do they allow you to go to college for FREE because of the color of your skin?

MsWoman July 7, 2010, 9:19 AM

Jenn, only white women have the privilege of using Affirmative Action. They have always gotten the benefit of Affirmative Action. Affirmative Action was supposed to be for Blacks, but Whites found a loophole and started calling “white women” a minority, therefore, whites use the Affirmative Action. That’s why white women stop being stay-at-home moms, so they could have the jobs that was supposed to be for Black men - you know, Executives, managers, department heads, etc.

I understand Whites claim because of Affirmative Action, Blacks can get a job because they are Black, no, that used to be the Token. Tokens doesn’t exist anymore either. Now its just straight out racism, no jobs for Blacks educated or not.

No jobs for Blacks so whites can call us Welfare moms and people looking for and wanting a handout. Isn’t that right Jenn?

Bobbie July 7, 2010, 9:20 AM

Hi! My name is Bobbie and I am an alcoholic. Just kidding. I am a suburban mom who lives in a white community on Long Island. I admit that I was drawn to this article because of the title and my outrage about the content. After reading the blog and many of the responses, I would like to add my two cents. My mother was an alcoholic who had nine children and was on welfare. We moved from one house to the next when the landlord got fed up with us. My parents split when I was about three and my dad came and babysat while my mother was in the hospital giving birth to her second illegitemate child from her married lover. I like to have a glass of wine once in a while and when my husband left me three years ago, I almost pickled myself trying to climb into the wine bottle. The fact is, no one should make money by joking about drinking unless it is to educate someone about the horrors of what drinking does to the body, I had an enlarged liver after just a few months but a friends husband is dying of hepatitis from alcoholism. It isn’t right for anyone to profit from a subject that needs to be addressed more seriously. I understand what you are saying, but you need to phrase your outrage differently because it will strike a cord with people without having to specify a group. I don’t think it is necessary to single out women or white women or men, etc. to bring your outrage against. Drinking, like smoking, should never be glorified.

angi July 7, 2010, 9:24 AM

this goes out to “quanesha”, i just have to say you talk of how us “white women tan and want hips and lips and shape!!!! did you get burnt last time you had a perm????? or maybe that weave in your hair is too tight???? and do you also try to stay out of the sun to reduce your darkness??? please before you comment on how white women try to “be black” think of how black women try to look “european!!!!” or could it just be every women wants to “FEEL” good about themselves in whatever way they feel like they should!!! as far as white women wanting black men “in secret” are you sure your referring to 2010? i see plenty of interracial couples, i believe you and this angry auther have had your black men cheating on you with a white women and both of you are still angry!!! get over it!!!!

Annie July 7, 2010, 9:26 AM

WOW!! You actually used the word black. Not Afro-American. Will you friends even talk to you. No it’s not funny to drink and raise the kids. How do you get to the play-dates, walk? I don’t think so. White or black it’s wrong and we all know it.

nina473 July 7, 2010, 9:29 AM

I agree, wether your white or a woman of color, parenting mixed with drinking is why social services is over worked. People do not always see the outcome of there actions. Next year’s best sellers ” martini’s at nap time equal rehab, foster care and jail time for a DUI “.

Quanesha  July 7, 2010, 10:01 AM

Hello! Angie and to respond to your so miswritten post I say this. I could point out the fact that you misspelled author, but I wont. As for trying to look european what exactly is a european look? because I have not seen one yet. I come from a family of women who come in different shades and colors light,dark, short hair, long hair . straight, curley, natural gray eyes, and light brown, and as far as perming my hair I dont have to but if I do so choose to, It would be to patronize Madam C.J. Walker the first African American Millionaire, who because of her You are able to get a perm as well. Now, to discuss your minute view of possibly Black men dating a white women, I did not make any refrence to interracial relationship being a problem,I said that white women want to have Our men, but mostly in secret, because racism still exsit, just because you see it interracial dating in 2010 does not mean there are people who still despise it, and No Angie I have never had a Man leave for a white women, why? because I have and have always been more than a notion. I would like to continue to educate you on more issues that obvioulsy you seem to have, because I see that my comments upset you Im glad, because it gets you to look at yourself and be realistic with the lack of women you are while trying to hide beyond your insecurites. Now next time you respond I want to see you mention How my educational level offends you as well, Because I see you left that part out.
So angry Angie me never, I am a happy joy filled women..with a bright bright future, and with that being said I hope you have a blessed day.

Anonymous July 7, 2010, 10:08 AM

Well Angi… From my understanding White Women are one the biggest consumers of relaxer and weaves… Which was created by a African American Women, you can thank us later. We can’t help that we are creative and can rock versatile hair styles.. Let me educate you real quick about the sun and the affects it has on sisters of multi color, the sun is a vitamin D source for are health so we can lay in it all day and for you WHITE WOMEN it only depletes your skin and ages you quickly,so when you are 30 you look as if you are 50.. Are you mad because black women ages gracefully and white women need plastic surgery by the time they turn 25.. Angi it sounds like you are a hater, It’s not are fault you are not a women of color…

amy July 7, 2010, 10:09 AM

I’m very white and think drinking is disgusting. I used to drink, but never at any point when my child was with me at home. I think anybody advocating alcoholism of any race or creed is a fool and I don’t find reading about it interesting in the least. I have been through it and its much less funny than people think it is and if somebody is poking fun at it, either its their way of dealing with being a drunk or they are just trashy. I make jokes about wishing I was drunk, but really I do not. I think its a class thing, not a color thing. Some people just have none.

Stacey July 7, 2010, 10:21 AM

I find it offensive when people are generalized by race or anything else. Especially when the person doing the generalized would be so upset by being put in to another race generalization. Has it occur to you that some of these titles are a funny play on words and those days we’ve all had as mothers where we are counting down to that evening glass of wine in which you yourself admit partaking in.

Until this writer stops writing for momlogic I will only stop by to see what products I should never buy because I refuse to support any company that supports this site as long as this writer is still writing for them.

Anonymous July 7, 2010, 10:33 AM

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE SOMEONE IS CRANKY ABOUT ONLY GETTING NIBBLES FOR HER BOOK. BESIDES… THAT TRICK WITH THE STARBUCKS CUP… HOW WAS THE MOMS SKIN COLOR RELEVANT EXCEPT TO PUSH YOUR RACIST IDEA? THIS WAS A PRETTY OFFENSIVE ARTICLE. IF YOU DON’T LIKE RACIAL LINES BEING DRAWN THEN STOP WRITING ACTICLES THAT DRAW THEM.

AJOELRIC July 7, 2010, 10:33 AM

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE SOMEONE IS CRANKY ABOUT ONLY GETTING NIBBLES FOR HER BOOK. BESIDES… THAT TRICK WITH THE STARBUCKS CUP… HOW WAS THE MOMS SKIN COLOR RELEVANT EXCEPT TO PUSH YOUR RACIST IDEA? THIS WAS A PRETTY OFFENSIVE ARTICLE. IF YOU DON’T LIKE RACIAL LINES BEING DRAWN THEN STOP WRITING ACTICLES THAT DRAW THEM.

Anonymous July 7, 2010, 10:36 AM

Wow i joined circle of mothers to learn and get different aspects and views on things to do or not to do w/ my children. So sad that its becoming a ” race ” issue! A alcoholic is a alcoholic , alcohol does not judge.We are all just human…. please keep this about the kids and not color? By the way how the heck does this woman get to write her own story?? I have a few to tell :)

Get over yourself July 7, 2010, 10:41 AM

Boss Lday - you are quite inaccurate in your comment that Oxygen, Fox, Oscars, Golden Globes, etc. are only for white people - that is just ridiculous. All races/colors are represented on those channels and it would be unallowable now for any of the mainstream channels to show any “all white” shows. Please get over your racism and “poor me” attitude.

IGNITE July 7, 2010, 10:42 AM

The author did nothing more, but shared what she learned from a group of white mothers, on how they handle stress, don’t be mad at her because she exposed you guys deep dark secret, be angry with the snitch…Who cares if you discontinue to support this site.. It’s called freedom of speech, get over it and go replenish your starbucks cup with more vodka…

angry white woman July 7, 2010, 10:43 AM

I am tired of angry black people in general…. if a white woman had posted this about black women- she would be called a racist…

If white women had a freaking conference just for being white bloggers- black people would have a fit… yet there is a conference right now for ONLY black women bloggers, it is sick and disgusting that YOU ALL are able to get away with racist things like this but the mere mention of this is wrong?!?!?!?

I was never a racist person, but the more I read stupid articles like this, and see conferences for BLACK women only, then I begin to wonder why you are even still in America- if yall hate whites so much get out… seriously…

Real truth July 7, 2010, 10:45 AM

Tired of Ignorance - if you are black in New Jersey you go to school for free. Trust me - it’s where I struggled to put myself through school while black classmates were passed because of the color of their skin (even if they failed the class and BRAGGED about it) and scholarships by the boatload. My sister went to school in PA. and it’s the same there.


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