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PiscesMominatrix Tells Moms How to Hate Sex Less
Too tired and stressed for sex? Us, too. In our fourth installment of "Hate Sex Less," the author of "The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex" gives us her top passion pointers.
Kristen Chase: After being climbed on and grabbed at by their little ones, it's no surprise that moms aren't that into getting the same treatment from their partners. If you seem to be able to make time for a vaginal exam from your OB but not your spouse, here are a few ideas that may help you hate sex less:
1) Sex isn't always about, um, sex. Sometimes just infusing the idea of sex -- not even the actual act itself -- back into your existence can help get your engine running. Anything from getting a new bra to wearing a thong to just getting out of the house (either alone or with your partner) can be foreplay for many women.
Here's my sexual resolution -- 30 days to getting my libido back into shape!
2) Give yourself a jump-start. It's true that sending libido-challenged moms off to buy a sex toy might be a little cliche, but if you don't start the car for a while, the battery is going to go dead. Same goes for you, ladies. Grab something that vibrates and remind yourself about what you're missing. And if toys aren't your thing, a little sexy viewing or reading (a la porn and erotic romance novels) can be just as effective. That is, if you can stay awake through them ....
3) It's all in your head. Not his. (Ahem.) Moms have the ability to talk themselves out of anything, so why not use the same M.O. and talk yourself into it? He doesn't care that it's a fat-thigh day or that you have yogurt in your hair. And while you might, sometimes you just have to plow through and get over it. Think about the few minutes you spend plucking your eyebrows or cleaning out the toilet, and ask yourself why you can't spend that same amount of time on your sex life.
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LOVE IT! When you are married with children I think the healthiest thing you can do for each other is to understand the ebb and flow of your sex life. There will be months where you manage to have sex a few times a week and months where it’s only 2 times the whole month! That’s just the way it goes! But keeping the “battery charged” is the key. My husband and I flirt constantly even when that’s where it all ends. To us the act isn’t as important as the desire. If you’re doing it just to do it, it doesn’t mean as much as when you both WANT it! And we’ve practiced the want for 12 years! There needs to be a blaance of mom & sexual being. Some moms forget that or are too tired to remember. Keep it going ladies and your hubby will only have eyes for you! Love the book idea & I will be grabbing it!
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I just don’t get the advice that tells women to hate sex less by doing it when you don’t want to. I think it would backfire. For me it would be the absolute worse thing I could do. Spend as much time on sex as you would on cleaning out the toilet? Sounds awful. Funny, I’ve never, ever seen an advice column that told a guy to just have sex anyway. Somehow I think if we compared pleasing a woman to unclogging the toilet for men, we’d never have sex.