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Forget Separate Beds: It's Separate Bedrooms for Married Folks

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Ronda Kaysen:Add this to the long list of dangers threatening the great institution of marriage: solo sleeping arrangements. The New York Times weighed in on the phenomenon of American couples sleeping solo with a how-to guide for getting your hubby back in the bedroom.


But before we can get into how to get your main squeeze back between the sheets, we have to do a recap on this supposed trend, which has gotten so mainstream that even Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have their own boudoirs. If you're gasping at the thought of Brangelina sleeping apart, rest assured that they also have a giant bed for mom, dad and all six kids to share.

The supposed reason for all this separate sleeping is that Americans have finally come to realize that sleep is a priority -- which makes me wonder what it was considered before couples started custom-building separate master bedrooms.Dr. Meir Kryger, a sleep specialist at Gaylord Hospital in Connecticut, told the Times,"What happened in the last decade is that people are suddenly making their own sleep a priority. If their rest is being impaired by their partner, the attitude now is ... 'I don't have to put up with this.'"

People are done with tossing and turning, excessive snoring and battling it out over who gets the comforter. But Bruce Feiler at the Times is deeply concerned about guest rooms turning into daddy's room."We need a campaign," he writes. "One of those national initiatives politicians are always calling for. 'The War on Bed Divorce,' call it, or 'Brush Up on Your Bediquette.' Thirty-five years after 'Save the Whales,' it's time for 'Save the Sheets.'"

And how do we go about saving the shared bed? Remind people that sleeping together is good for you. For one thing, you get more sex (always nice), and if by chance you have a catastrophic health emergency at 2 AM, you're likely to have someone present to notice.

Feiler has other tips, such as: Make your bed (which bodes ill for the sloppy housekeepers). Throw in a red pillow or bedsheet to spice things up. "Choreograph" your sleeping arrangements so no one ends up facing a snorer's snout.

All these suggestions are fine and dandy, but it does make me wonder how many people we're actually talking about here. Just because In Touchmentioned a few celebs with funky sleeping arrangements doesn't mean we're all sleeping apart.

And, I do wonder if the reasons that Feiler touts (BlackBerry addiction, a different preference of temperatures, kids in the bed) are the real reasons couples are sleeping apart. The only couples I know with separate bedrooms are those who no longer like each other. Granted, this is a totally unscientific sampling, but I'm not convinced that there's a trend of happily married folks sleeping in separate bedrooms because of conflicting yoga schedules.

Weigh in, moms: How many of you have separate bedrooms, and do you wish you and your husband were sleeping together again, or are you thrilled with the arrangement?

next: CUTE ALERT: Pug Sleeps with Her Faux Puppy
52 comments so far | Post a comment now
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Mel March 30, 2011, 10:08 PM

My parter and I moved in together and agreed to have seperate bedrooms and I regret it. We originally wanted to sleep seperatly during the week and together on the weekends but now she finds an excuse everynight to sleep alone. I even ask to lay with her in her room and always wind up getting kicked out. Our sex-life is great and we connect on many levels but I feel like sleeping in seperate bedrooms EVERY night is prohibiting us from growing closer and has become a crutch to her. We don’t cuddle as much as we used to. I miss holding her when we go to sleep, waking up beside her, feeling her presence beside me throughout the night, and her smell on the pillow after she leaves for work. We slept together more when we lived apart. My advice is not to start this practice.

Kathryn C. McDonald March 31, 2011, 2:48 AM

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Nick March 31, 2011, 6:54 AM

If you have to use a red sheet to “spice things up”, you might have to resign yourself to the fact that you’re a boring person with no imagination.

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