Guest blogger Sue Carswell: I'm completely jealous. Madonna and her daughter, Lourdes, are coming out with their own fashion line on August 3rd. I'm thinking about how I'd look in clothes that are reflective of Madonna circa the 1980s -- that je ne sais quoi "Desperately Seeking Susan" black-apparel look with ripped stockings, hair scrunchies and black rubber bracelets stacked up like a traffic jam on the 405 ....
Of course, I would dread going to the Kabbalah Center, but still ... if I got to sit in the pew (or is that a Catholic word?) with mommy Madonna, then I could just look around at everyone and be like, "Yep, you got it: This is my mom!" Sure, it would be boring -- but if Mommy was enraptured, I'd behave and not eat my Twizzlers too loudly. "Mommy" and I -- and Lourdes, Rocco and David (yes, the others ... ugh!) -- have a new house in the Hamptons near Martha Stewart, and plenty of room for my friends to come out and play and ride horses and tan (or burn, in my case) by the Delano Hotel-style white pool.
I hope Mommy gets along with my friends. I would hate to see her pitch a fit if one of them raided her margarita cabinet. (There would be Patron at the lesser level -- more for the help, really.) I don't know what it is, but I'm even dying to get out there and have a lemonade stand with real lemons (not that fake Kool-Aid sh*t) and have Mommy sign the paper cups. Since that would be so tony, maybe I would charge passersby $20 per cup. Sh*t, I could charge $1,000 if people knew my mommy was Madonna!
Mommy Madonna wouldn't have to send me off to college, either (I've already been); nor would she need to be concerned about me getting a job, as I have one of those already, too. But God, can you imagine "Bring Your Mom to Work Day"? I'd be so popular. Everyone would want to hold my hand.
Anyway ... Madonna, if you are reading this, please think about adopting me, too. I think I'd enhance your life -- and I know you would make mine that much richer!