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My Husband Won't Be My Facebook Husband

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Hayley Krischer: I was late to the Facebook whirlwind, and once the friend requests came rolling in, I was bewildered. I asked my husband, Andy -- who had over 300 friends -- for advice.

upset woman pulling hair

"A Facebook friend isn't a friend friend," he said. "They don't want to get to know you. They just want to acknowledge you, then mosey on their way."

So I friended Andy. It took him two weeks to accept.

Then I invited him to be my husband. He didn't respond.

It wasn't that Andy was cruising the Internet for women. All of his "friends" knew we were married. Andy was playing a little game of marital sadism -- and because it's only fun when two people are participating, I needled him back.

"I demand an answer," I said.

"Do I have to be committed to you in the virtual world and inside our house?" he asked in response. "Are you going to insist I do the dishes on Facebook? Are you going to ask me to mow the lawn on Facebook?"

If my husband could ignore me, I thought, I could do some ignoring as well.

The first person I ignored was entirely unintentional. I thought the request was a mistake until Andy asked me about it.

"I got an e-mail from Jennifer saying you ignored her on Facebook," he said.

"Oh, that Jennifer," I said. "I didn't realize it was her. While we're on the Facebook topic ...."

"Uh huh?"

"Did you accept my invitation to be my husband?"

He shuffled away.

As my friend tally rose, so did the grievances about out-of-control children, husbands who didn't take out the garbage and status updates on home renovations. And then a specific Facebook bragger (a person I never liked) friended me. I asked Andy what to do.

"Should I e-mail her something honest?" I asked. "Tell her there's no room for a Facebook frenemy?"

"That's terrible Facebook etiquette," Andy said.

"And not marrying your wife on Facebook ... is that good Facebook etiquette?

"My worlds are colliding!" he said.

"Because there's a Facebook Andy and a husband Andy?"

"An Andy divided against himself cannot stand!"

Rules of etiquette apply, even in our informal world. No talk of politics or race. Send thank-you notes. Don't call attention to noticeable plastic surgery.

On Facebook, I learned it was OK to be friends even if you dislike a person in real life. It's also OK to love your wife in real life and pretend she doesn't exist on Facebook.

And Andy? He finally became my Facebook husband.

A few months later, I deactivated my account. I kept my husband.


next: Stella McCartney Says She'll Pull Kids Out of Private School if They Become Too 'Posh'
9 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous July 21, 2010, 11:23 AM

I think there’s no excuse for not acknowledging your husband or wife on Facebook. I would be furious. What doesn’t he like about being married? If he’s not hitting on anyone, what is he hiding? Why does he want a secret life?

Anon July 21, 2010, 11:56 AM

You people slay me. Who cares about Facebook or any of the other social networks. I have enough going on in my life without having to worry about a “virtual” life. Maybe if some of you got over yourselves and started living your life instead of fooling around with a computer, Facebook and other sites like it would go away.

Lisa R. July 21, 2010, 11:56 AM

For starters, someone should tell Andy he doesn’t live in a “Seinfeld” episode. He wouldn’t acknowledge his wife as his wife on FB? And she was OK with that? How weird. Andy should get over himself. The only reason to hide your marital status on a social networking site is because you have ulterior motives. What a tool.

Kirsten July 21, 2010, 12:12 PM

Maybe you guys shouldn’t be married in the first place if you pick fights with each other over stupid little things like facebook. How old are you 15? I wouldn’t want to be in your house when you guys have to deal with an actual real life problem!!!

Amy July 21, 2010, 1:38 PM

I think you all are missing the point of this article…it’s funny and clever…lighten up people! Besides, this sounds like a honest relationship where the participants are allowed to exercise their individuality! You rock… Andy & Hayley..keep up the good work!!

Sam October 14, 2010, 6:28 PM

Anon, I virtually want to kick your teeth in!!!

Arie Ringus November 16, 2010, 2:05 PM

this is a ***** post

Ivette Mccaskill November 16, 2010, 5:01 PM

Couldnt be written any better. Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

Lovie Gaffey November 16, 2010, 8:54 PM

Can you write another post about this subject because this post was a bit difficult to fully grasp?


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