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New Moms Flirt with Infidelity?

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Jessica Katz: Sitting among a group of new mommies, you hear about everything from chapped nipples to diaper-rash remedies. But what you don't expect to hear is how these moms are flirting with the idea of infidelity.

mom holding a baby

The other day, I was out to lunch with a group of new moms living in Los Angeles. One would think these first-time moms would have no problems feeling secure, carrying designer diaper bags and pushing their posh strollers. But perhaps the grass is always greener on whatever side you're not on.

Rather than going on about baby bliss, these moms were wondering aloud if the waiter who was serving us lunch would want to sleep with them. If they were to become a single mom for some unforeseen reason, would men still want them? Basically, they're wondering if a man other than their husband will ever want them again. And they want to know for sure.

When a couple has a baby, the woman's life changes 100 percent, but the man's only changes about 25 percent, in my opinion. So if women were flirting with the new daddy prior to his having a baby, odds are he is still getting the same attention -- if not more.

These moms sat around confessing that they had yet to have sex since squeezing nine-pound babies out of their vaginas four months prior. They have no sex drive, no desire to be touched ... and even if they did, they have no energy to "do it." But suddenly they find themselves slipping off their wedding rings when they are out sans baby, dressing sexier and aggressively flirting with anyone who will give them the time of day.

One mom said, "I just want to know men see me as a woman, a sex object -- not just a mom. Even if a guy would be interested, if he sees me holding a baby, it's over."

No one has crossed the line yet, but they all admit to pushing the limits of flirting further than they ever did before they had a baby. And some even worry about how far they might go just to know they can still get a guy.

next: Tori Spelling Is a Godmother
30 comments so far | Post a comment now
chris July 23, 2010, 1:28 PM

Wow, maybe these moms should be putting all the energy into looking sexier and flirting with their husbands instead of trying to get the attention of men they don’t even know. Also, if you delivered your baby 4 months ago and you still haven’t resume sex with your husband, then you should go to your doctor and discuss it.
Sex is one of those crazy things that the more you do it, the more you want to do it and the less you do it, the less you will want to do it. I know being a new mom is hard and sometimes you loss yourself in that role but these women need to make themselves and their marriage a priority. And yes, I am a mom (of 2) and married for 17yrs so I do know alittle about what I’m talking about.

Lesli Doares July 23, 2010, 4:40 PM

Actually, a low libido four months after birth is not unusual, especially if the mother is breast feeding. It’s nature’s way of trying to space out pregnancies. I agree with Chris that these women would be better off flirting with their husbands than strangers. While it’s nice to be found attractive to the opposite sex no matter what your marital or parental status, it’s more important to remember your commitment now that you have a baby. Single motherhood is not for wimps and contemplating it as a life-style option is disrespectful to those in the trenches. What we chose to think about influences what we pay attention to. Paying attention to our partners and our marriages is a better outlet for our energy.

Rita Watson/ Love and Marriage Examiner July 24, 2010, 3:23 PM

This is a passing fancy — have a look at two articles I wrote for my column, Rita Watson, Love and Marriage Examiner, or go to
# Diet and sex: Why ‘mothers who cheat’ sex survey is like going into a supermarket hungry
# Study on mothers who cheat; have a look; survey or sham?
Happy Fantasies!

NedNoD July 25, 2010, 11:22 PM

No woman should want to be a sex object. She may want to feel sexy or attractive, but to WANT to degrade herself to that level? What kind of society do we live in?
And yes, if they are flirting with the idea of infidelity there’s something wrong with the marriage. No sex? Try flirting with your husband.

Lauren July 26, 2010, 9:11 PM

Totally understandable. I feel it’s perfectly natural to want to feel some excitement, to know that we’ve still got the goods. That said, I think these women need more help around the house and attention from their husbands to keep these thoughts of infidelity at bay.

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