Guest blogger Monica: I cleaned out my garage over the weekend; dozens of boxes from college and high school were emptied and organized. It was like spending a weekend with my pimply, geeky younger self -- a self whose priorities were very different from what they are today. Judging from a particular book I came across, one of those priorities was to remain a virgin as long as possible. (Like it was hard. Please.) The book is called, "You Would if You Loved Me," and it's a collection of witty comebacks to the most popular "sex lines" of the day (which, judging from the cover, was sometime in the late 1970s). Here's a sampling:
Guy: "Baby, you're driving me wild!"
Girl: "No, I'm not. I'm driving you home!"
Guy: "Let's go upstairs. I'd like to check out your vault. Maybe I'll make a deposit."
Girl: "I've heard about your credit. Take me home!"
And my favorite:
Guy: "Since we both enjoy music, why don't you come to my room and play with my organ?"
Girl: "I didn't think you could carry a tune."
Hysterical! Well, the come-ons have certainly changed (and the girls are definitely easier), but one thing's the same: Guys will still say anything to get in a girl's pants.
As I started writing this post, my 12-year-old daughter asked me about the book. We'd already had a "just the basics" sex talk, so I thought I'd take the conversation to another level and explain the book's premise to her. Not having any reference to real-life situations like these, she thought the comebacks were good and would probably work if any boy someday "tried anything" on her. Oh God, just the thought ....
I explained that she hadn't experienced a boy giving her "that kind" of attention because the boys in her grade haven't yet gone through puberty. I told her it wouldn't be long, though, and that she would have to guard her virginity for a lot of reasons.
Thinking back to my younger days, I was somewhat embarrassed about being dubbed the "last virgin alive," but at least I graduated high school without a venereal disease, an unwanted pregnancy or a bad reputation. I told my daughter some stories about the girls in my class who had slept around, and how boys (everyone, actually) called them names behind their backs.
I didn't want to scare my daughter into not having sex, but I was very frank about what could happen to her if she did it before her time. We talked about some of the comeback lines she would use if a boy were to ever try something. She came up with, "Whatever!" and "Gross. Are you trying to make me puke?" And then she thought about it, and said that the girls in the book wouldn't have had to say anything if they'd just stayed away from boys. Atta girl!
Hey, I'll take it. I know I can't keep my daughter innocent forever, but while she's in middle school (and beyond, for as long as I can get away with it), I'll do my part to make sure she's never alone with a boy long enough for any "sex talk" to occur in the first place. Because the thought makes me want to puke!
Maybe a modern-day version of that book wouldn't be a bad idea. What do you think?