twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Living in Cougar Denial

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Liz Fenton: I had always thought that the whole cougar thing was a myth. But then something happened: I turned 35.

Cougar Shirt

Faster than you can say "Susan Sarandon," younger men started looking good again. I wondered if it could've been the fact that I bought a minivan the same week I blew out an extraordinary amount of birthday candles on my cake, because instead of ignoring my daughter's (cute, young) swim coach like I've always done before, I found myself sharing knowing looks with the other moms while burning my ass on the bleachers during practice each day.

But I was still too young to go all Mrs. Robinson, right?

So imagine my shock when I discovered that the official cougar age is (gulp!) 35. No longer could I pretend that these women were 50-something maneaters hanging out in upscale bars drinking martinis. And OK, maybe I had ignored some of the signs (there were only two gray hairs in my eyebrows that day, I SWEAR) that I had matured to cougar age. (Cue premenopausal shopping spree and desperate trip to dermatologist for Retin-A prescription.)

And I decided that dammit, if my type-A self was going to become a cliche, then I was going to do it right!

Inappropriate crushes on Zac Efron and Taylor Lautner? Check!

Flirting shamelessly with the overly pierced food runner at Cheesecake Factory? That extra bread he put in my bag never tasted so good!

Signing my 5-year-old up for water polo and insisting on taking her to EVERY class? What can I say? Physical fitness is very important for children (wink, wink).

P.S. Did I mention that my husband is NOT amused? It's OK -- I'll be sure to give him a pass when his midlife crisis kicks in a few years from now.


next: 'Mad Men' Reminds Us How NOT to Raise Kids
6 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous August 2, 2010, 9:31 AM

I object! A cougar should be at least 45.

christine August 2, 2010, 1:01 PM

I became a cougar when I was about thirty. One day I realized that there were all these cute teenage boys craving sex and I began giving it to them. Picking up a teen boys is easy; offer them a ride and say “I love to teenage boys.” Thats all it takes. it’s a thrill beyond words.

Anonymous August 4, 2010, 12:38 PM

Welcome to the pack, darling! Sneaks up on you, doesn’t it?

Check out a story I’m posting at www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com about a married mommy like us who gets to trod down the paths we can only dream about.

She’s reminiscing about an old love right now because she hasn’t yet figured out the magic of Facebook, and she’s about to enter the cougar’s den where she’ll rip a young fellow (think your child’s swim coach) to shreds. Then onto finding the “What if I were still with him?” guy and what happens. (I shouldn’t have to explain “him” - we all have one.) It’s a fun, dangerous and satisfying tale for cougars who can only dream. I hope you will read, follow and draw in some of your pack.

And btw, the fabulous thing about being a cougar is you’re hot, you get it and you’re not afraid to show it. You look fabulous. Embrace it, have fun and start at the July 3 post…www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com

Elizabeth

Elizabeth Barrett August 4, 2010, 12:41 PM

Damn these computers, they come faster than an excited 18 year old. I didn’t mean to be anonymous in the above comment. Hope to hear from you.

Heidiopia August 4, 2010, 12:49 PM

I love it! My 20-ish stepsons and their friends consider me a “cougar” and it cracks me up. I tell them they could only DREAM of being married to a 43 yr old that looks this good! ;-)
Rock on, Liz!!

Elizabeth Barrett August 9, 2010, 11:21 AM

Okay, wannabe cougars….here’s a way to purr without venturing into the den. Today’s post in the fictional tale unfolding at www.afacebookstory -oneclickaway.blogspot.com introduces us to cute, young, perpetually erect Miller, who leaves our main character walking funny. It’s fun and pure fantasy, a safe way to get your cougar on!

Take a peek and spread the word! Happy prowling!

Elizabeth


Leave a reply:



(not displayed)

     




Avoid clicking "Post" more than once
Back to top >>
advertisement