Stepbomb: Recently, my older stepdaughter asked if she could borrow my Gap sweatshirt, and I told her yes. She ended up wearing it over to her mom's later that night, and it vanished like a ship into the fog. A few days later, she borrowed my favorite Abercrombie & Fitch button-down. And then it was an old college T-shirt. It seemed that whenever the clothes were worn over to her mom's, they would disappear into some kind of suburban Bermuda Triangle.
Then one day my stepdaughter came to me and said that her mom thought it was weird that she borrowed my clothes. I asked my stepdaughter if she thought it was weird, and she quickly said no, that she liked being able to wear my "old stuff." Without bringing up her mom, I asked my stepdaughter if she wanted to stop wearing my clothes. She said, "No way!" And then she asked me what I thought. I told her that if borrowing my clothes made her happy, then she could do so for as long as she liked. So we left it at that. I don't know if it was right or wrong, but in that moment, I made the decision to focus on what made my stepdaughter happy, instead of worrying about how I may or may not be upsetting her mom.
About a week later, a giant bag of clothes showed up on my doorstep. When I opened it, I discovered not only all of the many sweatshirts, T-shirts and button-downs that I had let my stepdaughter borrow, but also all of the clothing that I had purchased for her over the last twelve months (half of which she'd long since outgrown). Before my stepdaughter could see it, I stashed it in the closet. Her mom's message was loud and clear: "Back off putting clothes on my daughter's back."
So now my dilemma is this: Do I stop letting my stepdaughter borrow my clothes because her mom doesn't like it? Or do I ignore her mother's message and let my stepdaughter borrow away because it makes her happy?