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12 Baby Products for Dads?

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Guest blogger Paul Starke:When we had our son, Luke, we received a ton of very thoughtful presents from friends and family. Some gifts (e.g., receiving blankets) were more practical than others (e.g., five copies of "Goodnight Moon"). Anyway, instead of writing thank-you notes, I decided to jot down the "12 baby products someone should invent."

daddy_3_snooze.jpg

1) Lil' Litter Box-- I don't see why giving a baby her own litter box is frowned upon. Our cat, Lola, seems to love it. Plus, it's environmentally friendly!

2) Daddy-Baby Foods-- Why don't the baby-food companies tap into the lucrative "lazy father" market by making flavors that babies AND dads can enjoy? "Creamed Prime Rib," "Zesty Nacho Cheese" ... mmmm ....

3) Infant-spirational Posters-- You know those annoying office posters that say things like "Teamwork" and show a bunch of eagles soaring majestically over the horizon? I think these can be reworked for babies. Imagine a stunning poster of a bear squatting in the woods with the word "Poop" in bold letters right under it ....

4) Diaper Genie-- Yes, I know they already make this soiled-diaper storage unit, but what if it also granted you three wishes and had the voice of Robin Williams?

5) Snoozies-- Basically a onesie with a built-in snooze button. Is the baby crying in the middle of the night? Just tap the snooze button on his belly and get nine more minutes of sleep.

6) Pink Floyd's "Baby Einstein"-- Back in college, I would have spent a LOT of time zoning out to "Baby Pink Floyd" ....

7) Ambien-Coated Pacifiers-- Controversial? Probably. Effective? Definitely. I know for a FACT that my parents used to load me up with cough syrup before a long drive ....

8) Baby-Monitor TiVo-- Sure, the baby monitor is great. But wouldn't you love having the ability to pause, rewind and record episodes of "The Hills" on it, too?

9) Baby Jacuzzi-- Being a baby can be stressful sometimes. Why not take the edge off bathtime with some relaxing bubble jets in baby's tub? This is also good if your baby happens to resemble a young Burt Reynolds when it comes to the ladies.

10) Segway Strollers-- The Segway Scooter may have been a bust, but put that technology in a stroller, and you could go up and down stairs with ease AND look like a massive dork! It's win-win!

11) MP3 Baby Mobile-- How sick are you of hearing the same classical music come out of your baby's mobile? Why can't we load our own songs onto a mobile with a built-in MP3 player? Crap, this is actually a good idea ....

12) Male Breast Pump-- I know this is anatomically impossible, but I know it would make my wife happy to strap that generator/machine-box to my man boobs when I'm being a jackass (which is often).


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34 comments so far | Post a comment now
Caroline September 2, 2010, 10:27 AM

#11 - They already do make a mobile with MP3. Lamaze makes a crib-side viewer screen that plays music, or you plug your iPod into it. Fab!

These are funny. You should also include:
- a self-bouncing bouncy seat so your foot doesn’t get tired watching football and putting the kid to sleep.
- baby wipes you slip on your hand likea glove so you don’t have to touch poop at all.

Karyn Climans September 2, 2010, 3:12 PM

I am amused!

Cori September 2, 2010, 4:59 PM

They make the Pink Floyd lullabies. I actually have it, even though I don’t have children. Google “Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Pink Floyd.”

K September 5, 2010, 7:49 AM

Believe it or not, men are capable of lactating, so pump away!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_lactation

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Well, I believe that clears up 2 problems for me personally. How about anybody else?

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