Guest blogger Elizabeth Kuster: If you haven't already seen them, check out these two LOL videos wherein a Werner Herzog soundalike reads "Madeline" and "Where's Waldo?" aloud -- in his very own philosophical, kinda depressing way.
In the first video, a dude doing a pitch-perfect impersonation of the deep-thinking German director takes on "Madeline" -- with a little thoughtful (and hilarious!) ad-libbing. "To zuh tiger in zuh zoo," he intones, "Madeline just said, 'Pooh pooh,' smug in her knowledge zat zuh tiger, already caged and broken, vus no threat. Zuh tiger dreams only of death."
In the faux Herzog's view, even the fact that the twelve little girls walk in two straight lines has a darker meaning. "Zay smiled at zuh good and frowned at zuh bad," he says, in Herzog's unmistakable German accent. "But being children, zere concept of good and evil vus not fully formed, and it vould shock a grown person how much gray area existed along zere moral compass. In truth, children are next door to sociopaths." True dat, Werner. (Or should we say, "Verner"?)
And don't even get him started on poor Miss Clavell, a grown woman who, in "Herzog's" words, "had suppressed her own flowering youth and its attendant desires to become a nun -- to live only in zervice of zese girls. Zey did not know about zuh sacrifice Clavell had made of her own life for zem. And vy vould zey? Zey are just children, and selfish by nature."
For the fake Herzog, "Where's Waldo?" is even more troubling. In fact, trying to find that happy-go-lucky guy in the red-and-white striped shirt almost causes him to have some kind of existential breakdown. "Occasionally, Valdo is all but impossible to ferret out," he says. "I hunt until I am mad, and yet Valdo does not reveal himself to me ...."
He even questions Valdo's ... er, Waldo's purpose in life. "Vy all this travel?" he wonders. "Vee search for Valdo, but vut is Valdo searching for? Perhaps he is ... running from somezing. Does this man even vant to be found? Or, in searching for Valdo, did vee really find ourselves?"
Enjoy the videos, then book an appointment with your therapist ASAP. Tell her Werner sent you.