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PiscesShould Mothers and Daughters Be Friends?
Dr. Wendy Walsh: Recently, my 12-year-old brought me her first real problem. I'll spare you the details, because the important point is that I felt honored that she would disclose such private adolescent material to her dear old ma. In my day, I wouldn't have dared breathe a word about my inner emotional world to my admonishing Catholic mother. My relationship with her revolved around household chores and academic success. Personal problems landed in my diary or with my peers.
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Growing up, my mother was very much my mom not my friend. That doesn’t mean I didn’t confide in her, indeed, even when I was a teenager and knew everything I still knew she gave good advice.
Now that we are older, our relationship definitely leans towards the friendship side, but she will always be my mom. That doesn’t mean I value or enjoy her friendship any less than my other close friends, just that I hold it differently.
I agree that children need their parents to be parents. As an adult w/a tween, I am always her mother first but she knows that she can always talk to me about anything and she does. Just last night she came to me and said she needed to talk to me and proceeded to ask me many questions about her period…which hasn’t happen yet but I talked to her about it not long ago and she wanted to know more. We talk about any and everything all the time. The important part of being parents is to be open for your children but also giving them the guidance and boundaries they need to grow up feeling safe and secure and ready to face the real world.
As a adult now, my mom and I have a great relationship and I know that I will also share that with my daughter.
Growing up, my mother was my mother and she took no prisoners, never hesitating to give me some serious grief when I got out of line. But I always confided in her, seeking her counsel on just about everything. When I became an adult, the relationship never changed and it wasn’t until almost a year after my sweet mother had passed away did I realize that I was brimming over with information, gossip, news, etc. and while I had two very good girlfriends, there was no one to tell all to. Some friends you tell only this to, some friends you may tell only that to but I didn’t realize until after she was gone that my mother, who I told everything to, had been my absolute best friend all along.
im my home i am first my childrens parent, if we can become friends along the way that would be great but my main concern is in the end that i have raised healthy happy sober well adjusted adults that are proud of themselves and that i can be proud of. if they hate me,never to be my “friend” and are still the people i have hoped they will be i have done my job as a parent.
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I think it’s sad and pathetic when parents are so overconcerned with being their kids’ “friends”. When they are children they need a parent -they have plenty of friends. As they grow older you may develop a friendship in addition but that is such a weak and secondary bond compared to that of a parent/child.
And seriously, as an adult don’t you want friends on your own level? Moms are way too concerned now with being cool and hip and being in with their daughters. It’s sad. My mother tried to raise us as her “daughters and friend” but typically the parenting suffers and the mom acts like achildish girlfriend.