Guest blogger Diana Landen: Momlogic's "New Mom" recently wondered if having three "sister wives" (like the Brown family in Utah) would make her life easier. I think she's got it backwards. I want four husbands!
Who needs other wives to help with the chores? With four husbands, there would be enough money for me to stay home with the kids and hire a housekeeper, a cook and a chauffeur. My job would be taking the kids to the park and helping them with their homework. At the end of the day, I'd take a bubble bath and change into something glamorous in which to greet my men.
It would be better for the children, too. What man can support four women and thirteen kids in this economy?! If I had four husbands, our children could all go to good colleges -- without destroying our retirement. We wouldn't have to worry if one of the guys got laid off. Heck, one of my husbands could run off with a lingerie model, and we'd still be OK.
Granted, there would be some disadvantages. The toilet seat would always be up, and I'd have to watch a lot of sports and action flicks. I'd have at least four kids -- although that would be better than thirteen.
I think the sex would make up for any disadvantages, however. Instead of my being taken for granted, every night would be date night! Someone would always remember my birthday and anniversaries. Foreplay would not disappear over the years. Hey, they're guys; they'd probably have competitions to see who could give me the most loud orgasms in one night. That's got to beat sleeping alone three out of four nights a week, like the Brown women do. So I think I'll take an engineer to earn money, an artist to paint me, a professor to talk to and a carpenter to make our house beautiful.
Unfortunately, my husband won't agree to my plan. Something about not wanting to watch the kids so I can have sex with another man .... That, and treating people the way you want to be treated yourself. I think that's in the Bible somewhere.