twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Stepmoms Get a Bad Rap

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Stepbomb: Being a stepmom is one of the hardest -- and most rewarding -- things I've ever done. It's unfortunate that stepmoms get such a bad rap in our society.

angry woman
I realize that there are stepmothers out there who have earned such a rap. Think Cinderella and her wicked stepmother. Think movies like "Stepmom." (Although everything worked out in the end, Susan Sarandon's characterdid have to die first ....) Think of the word"stepmom" and ask yourself what comes to mind.

From the moment my husband called his kids' mother to tell her we were engaged, she didn't accept me. I had already been in her daughters' lives for years, and she herself was already remarried. But the minute I went from "girlfriend" to "stepmother," everything changed. As the two of us have tried to coexist, it's been like a bomb going off over and over and over again.And I have a lot of regrets.

I'm not blaming this on the mom. I also shoulder the responsibility. But I do feel like I was never given the benefit of the doubt, as stepmothers often aren't. (My own mother and stepmother had issues!) It never occurred to the mom that I might actually be a good influence on and love her children. But would my husband have married me if that wasn't the case?! The answer is absolutely, 100 percent no. Which is why I didn't just date my husband; I also spent equal time getting to know his daughters. And if they had not accepted me, I wouldn't be their stepmother today.

I never came into this situation wanting to be anyone's mother. What my husband and I told the girls was that I was simply another person who would love them. But as I prepared to walk down the aisle with their mom's ex-husband, she decided that I was trying to replace and undermine her. It's been difficult to see her perspective when it seems she has full license to act however she wants, simply because she holds the title of "mother". Why is it that she can curse me out, threaten me and sue my husband for custody, but these things are seemingly overlooked because I let my stepdaughter borrow my old Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirt?!

I'm not saying -- nor have I ever claimed -- that I am not guilty of wrongdoing. Where I especially failed was in not understanding what it feels like to be a mother and to feel insecurity when a stepmother does things like volunteer in her daughters' classrooms or talk to her daughters about sensitive subjects. We have years and years ahead of us, and many issues that will continue to surface. At what point will things change?

Will there ever be a mutual respect for and understanding of each other's roles? Because as a stepmother, don't I also deserve that?

next: Not Hot for Teacher!
26 comments so far | Post a comment now
valium December 1, 2010, 3:53 PM

I wonder how you got so good. HaHa! This is really a fascinating blog, lots of stuff that I can get into. One thing I just want to say is that your design is so perfect! You certainly know how to get a girls attention! Im glad that youre here. I feel like Ive learned something new by being here.

Foam For Making Seat Cushions December 11, 2010, 11:51 PM

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.

Heavy Duty Front Truck Bumpers December 12, 2010, 12:06 AM

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.

Michael Smith December 29, 2010, 2:53 AM

Good post and right to the point. I am not sure if this is really the best place to ask but do you people have any ideea where to hire some professional writers? Thanks :)

de slabit January 4, 2011, 12:00 AM

I was beeing after the Web for such info and i wanted to thank u for this post. By the way, just off topic, where can i download a version of this theme? – Regards

Unlock iPhone 3Gs 4.1 January 13, 2011, 4:26 AM

I admire your website , it’s filled of lot of information. You just got one perennial visitor of this site.

Back to top >>