twitter facebook stumble upon rss

The Bad-Boy Mommy Friend

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Guest blogger Sue Stein: When I first saw Archer's mommy, she was refreshingly midway through her second glazed donut at the PTA meeting. "My kind of gal," I thought, "a woman not afraid to eat sugar-glazed carbs in front of other women." Plus, she had a thick mane of red hair. I've always had a thing for redheads. I'm not being hair-ist; I'm just saying that whenever I'm talking to a natural-born redhead, about four minutes into the conversation, I'll think, "I love this woman! She is totally nuts -- just like me."

woman drinking wine
Anyway, then I found out our kids got along like "Phineas and Ferb" and that she lived five minutes by car from me. BLAMMO: new best friend! We immediately started making plans. Playdates, drop-offs ... it was a "You watch my kids; I'll watch yours" love fest. Our husbands even got along (not that we cared).

This summer, we had a standing "hump day" date on Wednesdays with the kids. They would eat, play and watch TV and we would talk. "I am so SICK of my kids today," she'd say, pouring her second glass of wine (at 12 noon). This observation would be followed by, "Archer, if you don't stop bothering your sister, I am going to lock you in your room forever!"

I'd smile weakly, my head unable to nod in agreement. In less than two months, my new friend's irreverence toward the unspoken rules of mommy decorum went from being fun (at meetings and parties) to being frightening (when you mixed in actual children). I understood that her intention was to try to control the chaos -- I have two boys; I get it -- but after a short time, I felt as eager to get away from her as I had initially been to be with her. Does this sound familiar? Because it sure felt familiar ... like what happened with almost every boyfriend I'd had between 20 and 30. (Except those guys didn't have kids who my kids were friends with.)

Our kids still play, although I worry every time they are at her house without me. And just like the bad boys who haunted me in my youth, I still think of her often. Especially when I eat a glazed donut.

next: 'You're Not Pregnant': Age 25 vs. Age 45
33 comments so far | Post a comment now
XXXX September 6, 2010, 9:36 AM

Boozer Mom

crystal September 6, 2010, 10:39 AM

i really don’t get what was wrong with have a glass of wine at 12 noon… was she drunk??? who hasn’t said a forever statement to their kids and wind up not really meaning it… isn’t that part of parent hood we embrace…. we all make mistakes…obviously she was having a bad day or you just come across way too perfect. i want my friends to accept me when i am socially ‘perfect’ and when i have a stressed out day where my kids won’t let me check one email and the husband doesn’t come home until after dinner… you live in la la land if you think there aren’t more parents like the one you mentioned… whats her name i will be her friend! its not like she had crack on the table and offered you a lighter

Lisa September 6, 2010, 10:58 AM

I always went for the “bad boys.” That thrill of not knowing what came next. BUT I ended up marrying the nicest guy. I equate this to my mommy friends. Always attracted to the edgy moms, but in the end, I stick with my nice friends who I trust. Great

Sew mom September 6, 2010, 11:03 AM

I know exactly what you mean. When I got married with children my priorities changed completely. I thought this one friendship was perfect. Like your situation, we were neighbors, best friends, hubbies and kids were bff too. She stopped inviting us in, began competing over shoes and unimportant things. More and more frequentlly she made this comment about keeping your enemies closer. One day I realized she was talking about me! I still don’t know exactly how we got there.

Thecoffeeqween September 6, 2010, 11:05 AM

I could see the wine issue. I mean for the previos commenter, would you feel the same if it was her 2nd vodka tonic before noon? But her comment I know I’ve had days where I have told Aiden he needs to stay away for 5 min because I have had enough! Every persona has their limits and maybe she had met hers already. I thought there would be a little more detail. There may be but it ones off harsh. Just saying

Renee September 6, 2010, 12:44 PM

I’m inclined to agree that worrying about this mom overmuch is a bit harsh. We all have days where we want to ship our kids to Timbuktu just for the privilege of 5 minutes of peace and quiet-I know with summer coming to a close and summer programs wrapping up my kids are bored and driving me insane. And there’s a vast difference between a glass of wine or two at lunch and getting smashed when the kids are at home. Now, if you don’t want to spend time with her that’s fine-that’s entirely your prerogative-but I’d be sure you’re seeing this with the proper perspective.

Krystine September 6, 2010, 1:51 PM

I don’t think the writer gave enough detail, I re read it and I still don’t get why she’s so… upset? Disgusted? Disappointed? Doesn’t make sense… her ‘friend’ had 2 glasses of wine and mock threatened to ground her kid forever… I dunno, big deal. Maybe momlogic just has a space to fill.

Anonymous September 6, 2010, 5:19 PM

I am curious, is it the drinking in the afternoon that bother you? And if it is, why do you still let your children go over there unattended by you?

Kelli September 7, 2010, 7:26 AM

I feel like a paragraph or two has been edited out for space. What was so bad about this mom? Two doughnuts and two glasses of wine do not a bad mom make. Was it that she said her kids were driving her nuts that day? Because, well, kids drive parents nuts. That’s kind of their thing.

What am I missing?

Anonymous September 7, 2010, 8:32 AM

A nanny/babysitter who said she was sick of the kids, told the kids she would lock them in their room forever, and drank on the job would be fired. Moms and dads should do at least as well as babysitters.

Crystal N September 8, 2010, 2:20 PM

I also feel like the story had to be cut down or something, that or you live in a very different world than most mom’s live in. I could picture that being extremely offensive to women are more part of high society or at least the bottom rung of it.
I don’t yell at my son unless he’s about to do something that could hurt him, but different people have shorter and longer fuses, I really hope your not giving up a friendship over her jumping on her kid’s in a way you wouldn’t. If she was so bad, your kid’s would be to afraid to play at her house.

auntl September 8, 2010, 3:35 PM

Ok, I am a born red head. I have heard every comment known about redheads - most of them unkind. I know that people will say that they admire the color of hair I have yet there are remarks about my personality that is so shockingly generalized and ridiculous that I am amazed. Do people realize what they say? Hair color makes no difference in choices of behavior - good or bad. Sorry, I just get tired of hearing the mean remarks. People can be extraordinarily harsh sometimes and they don’t even know me - not at all. Before I know it I have a bad, short temper and I am totally passionate - or nuts. If I could have a nickel for every comment that started with, “Every redhead I’ve ever known…”
I know this sounds like a silly complaint but if you have heard it every day of your life you just get tired of being prejudged into a category. It gets old after awhile.
Thanks for listening. I have felt proud of my hair and bitterly ashamed of it. I’ve dreaded the attention and have been picked on and picked out. I tried dying my hair but was stuck with red eyebrows and red eyelashes. Please think before you make comments about a group of people. Thanks!

sunnie September 8, 2010, 4:16 PM

I completely get where you are comming from…. ive always been told i have a short temper just because im a redhead…. no, somebody saying I have a short temper is what makes me just had to let you know I feel the same way and Im sick and tired of hearing it.

Ter September 8, 2010, 5:52 PM

I feel like there is definitely more to this story. If not Sue needs to get over her self, although the playdate noon drinking is a little disturbing.

auntl September 8, 2010, 7:59 PM

Thank you, Sunnie, you made me feel a whole lot better! Yeah, nothing makes me madder than hearing what a bad temper I have - lol!

Hemorrhoid Cure November 27, 2010, 4:29 AM

Very helpful information. Thanks so much, I look forward to reading more of your posts.

buy valium December 1, 2010, 2:51 PM

I just came across this blog I was I am getting a 404 page not found when trying to access other posts I hope it gets fixed. Thanks

oktay usta krep tarifi December 14, 2010, 12:36 AM

krep tarifi, tatli krep tarifi, sade krep tarifi, krep hamuru

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Box December 18, 2010, 1:48 AM

The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.

danish diet December 27, 2010, 6:49 AM

I have beeing after the Internet for this info and i wanted to say thanks to u for this post. Also, just off topic, how can i find a copy of this theme? – 10x

Back to top >>