twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Halloween Question: 'What's a Sexy Witch, Mommy?'

by dani klein  posted Wednesday, October 27, 2010
filed under: dani klein
sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Dani Klein Modisett: "Hey, Mom, what's a sexy witch?" my second grade son asked me this afternoon -- the downside of his having learned to read. We were at the Halloween America store, a shop that appears out of nowhere annually and stays around just long enough to transform into Christmas America before disappearing again.

Sexy witch costume
Gabriel was reading the label on the costume. Under the words "Sexy Witch," in what I guess someone thought was "scary font," was a picture of a bodacious woman, all cleavage and slender legs, wearing a pointy black hat. 

"A witch you'd like to sleep with," the comic in me wanted to answer. "A MILF who's a witch." Instead, I paused for a minute, searching for the right answer. Becoming a mother has killed my comedic timing. "A sexy witch is ..." I began, but got distracted looking for my size in the "Sexy Super Woman" costume. "Why don't I see my size here?" I said, wondering in what world an XXL Super Woman is "sexy," and also thinking that my days as a size 4 to 6 are over. These were my choices? 

"Mom," Gabriel said, "you didn't answer me!" 

"Oh, right. Um, a sexy witch is a witch, like the green one from 'The Wizard of Oz,' only she's not green, she's pretty, and she wears high heels and her boobies are pushed up. Excuse me," I said, stopping a young woman wearing a headset and a bright orange shirt with the store logo on it. "Do you have 'Sexy Super Woman' in an adult small?" 

"Let me check. Will you be needing anything else?" she asked, with scary enthusiasm.

"Yeah, something to make my boobies look like this," I said, pointing to the picture. The young girl laughed and turned red. 

"Mom! Gross!" my son said. 

"What? All the boobies in these costumes look the same. Sexy Nurse, Sexy Fireman, Sexy Nun, all with the stuffed boobies. I could wear a paper bag and cut a hole around my neck with whatever this bra is and call myself 'Sexy Bag Lady.'"

"That's a great idea, Mom. You should totally do that!" Gabriel yelled. He's learning about recycling, so he's going as "Recycled-Box Boy," which has been about as much fun to put together as an Ikea wall unit and, frankly, delivers very little sex appeal. 

The clerk was still standing there, waiting for something serious to come out of our mouths. Not hearing it, she disappeared. "Mom, I'm not sure about you and sexy," said my son.

"Neither am I," I said, sounding like Bea Arthur. "Those ladies look stupid and fake."

"I think so, too. But ... maybe you could pull it off." 

"Thanks, honey. I hope you always feel that way. Not about me; you don't need to find me sexy. In fact, it's probably best not to -- I mean, the part about fake and stupid not being sexy. Intelligent, strong, funny women ... I hope you find that sexy." 

"Sure, Mom," he said, stretching a blue latex "Avatar" mask over his face. 

"A smart, independent, funny woman who knows where to buy a good bra." 

 "MOOOOOM!!"


next: Egg Donors: A High Price to Harvest
55 comments so far | Post a comment now
SolarEnergyNow April 1, 2011, 3:18 PM

Your site theme looks neat. What template did you utilize?

hemorrhoids April 1, 2011, 5:48 PM

Hey esto es un gran poste. ¿Puedo utilizar una porción en ella en mi sitio? Por supuesto ligaría a su sitio así que la gente podría leer el artículo completo si ella quiso a. Agradece cualquier manera.

PRIVATE JET CHARTER SERVICE April 2, 2011, 10:00 AM

I’m getting a browser error, is anyone else?

Gavin Tio April 2, 2011, 4:45 PM

hundred two; one hundred and

Cleaner carpet  April 3, 2011, 1:44 AM

Thanks for the post! After some of serching, this was the most helpful article. I am glad you took the time to write it. thnks! John

life plus products April 3, 2011, 8:15 PM

I read this and that night I tried it with my 2 year old son. We had him so that he only had it at nap and bed time. But we could not get him to give it up on his own. So I tried this the night that I read this. And IT WORKS!!!!! I snipped the end off at bed time he tried it and I told him it was broke he said its broke?. Well he fell asleep without it. The next day at nap time he laid down I went to give him the broke NUK and he said No mommy it broke. Four days later now not even mentioned it!!!!

Boise Home Impovement April 4, 2011, 1:57 AM

Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I to find It truly helpful & it helped me out a lot. I’m hoping to provide one thing back and aid others like you aided me.

SolarRebates April 4, 2011, 3:27 AM

Hey there might I reference a few of the insight uncovered in this entry if I reference you along with a link back to your internet site?

rankpay review April 4, 2011, 12:12 PM

¡Gran poste! Gracias por tardar la época de escribir algo que está realmente digno de la lectura. Encuentro demasiado a menudo el Info inútil y no algo que es realmente relevante. Gracias por su trabajo duro.

bota förkylning April 5, 2011, 12:40 AM

I am glad to be a visitant of this pure website ! , thanks for this rare information! .

scrapebox April 5, 2011, 2:32 PM

Hello. Thank you for posting this!

carpet cleaning dc April 5, 2011, 8:51 PM

I think that is an interesting point, it made me think a bit. Thanks for sparking my thinking cap. Sometimes I get so much in a rut that I just feel like a record.

BMW news April 5, 2011, 9:18 PM

Thank you for the advice. I’ve found your first point to be most effective.

hawaii vacation all inclusive April 5, 2011, 9:45 PM

not realy news…

customizable t-shirts April 6, 2011, 3:29 AM

Thanks for making the sincere attempt to provide an explanation for this. I feel very sturdy approximately it and wish to learn more. If it’s OK, as you attain extra intensive knowledge, would you mind adding more posts similar to this one with additional info? It will be extremely helpful and useful for me and my colleagues.

how to get a girl April 6, 2011, 8:23 AM

Greetings! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I truly enjoy reading through your posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects? Thank you!

Solar Energy for home April 6, 2011, 10:02 AM

Your current writing is superb and provides food for thought. I really hope that I’ll have more time and energy to go through your content. Regards. I hope that you publish new texts and welcome you to greet me

seo on google April 6, 2011, 10:12 AM

I think other website proprietors should take this site as an model, very clean and excellent user friendly style and design, let alone the content. You are an expert in this topic!

Life Plus April 6, 2011, 4:02 PM

Good site, thanks! I really like it.

BioBasics April 6, 2011, 4:24 PM

This website is pretty good. How did you make it !


Leave a reply:



(not displayed)

     




Avoid clicking "Post" more than once
Back to top >>
advertisement

featured gallery

Gwen Stefani and Family at the Park

momlogic tweets

recent activities