Notes from a New Mom: I've been staying at home with my toddler for the past two months, doing what the nanny used to do when I was off to my office job, but not nearly as well, apparently. In fact, the other night when my husband came home from work, he commented, "Wow, how did she [the nanny] get so much DONE during the day? The house always looked soooo good." Meaning, "What the hell are you doing during your day, and why doesn't the house look as spic and span as when she was here?" The truth is, I don't think I'm a good stay-at-home mom, unfortunately.
I could not love my daughter more, and spending time with her has been the biggest blessing ever, but I feel like I am going insane in this house. To be honest, I feel a little bit down, too, as if my purpose is foggy, and I'm just not in the best of moods. I wake up and get into "taking care of baby" mode, but I'm not really enjoying the process of it all. It sounds awful, I know. Knowing what I know now, I am in awe of the moms who stay at home and have smiles on their faces. Then again, the thought of returning to work and not seeing my daughter all day long terrifies me, too. So what do I do??
Maybe I need an attitude adjustment, because frankly, I really have very little to complain about, aside from the economic downfall we are all in, the job hunt, our financial stress and my feeling like a failure as a mom and career woman. My family is healthy and I am blessed. I know many more people have it way worse, and I think I might just need a good smack in the face, a nice dose of reality.
I look at the other moms in my daughter's classes and they seem to be having it all together. I wish I could be more like them. I wish that I just wanted to be at home with my kid, and that that alone would satisfy me. I'm in between .... And I just wanted to give a shout-out to the ladies who stay at home with their kids, keeping the house, taking care of the family. It is a tough, endless job with little reciprocity. Seriously, I'm in awe.