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Hats Off to Stay-at-Home Moms!

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Notes from a New Mom: I've been staying at home with my toddler for the past two months, doing what the nanny used to do when I was off to my office job, but not nearly as well, apparently. In fact, the other night when my husband came home from work, he commented, "Wow, how did she [the nanny] get so much DONE during the day? The house always looked soooo good." Meaning, "What the hell are you doing during your day, and why doesn't the house look as spic and span as when she was here?" The truth is, I don't think I'm a good stay-at-home mom, unfortunately.

mom and toddler

I could not love my daughter more, and spending time with her has been the biggest blessing ever, but I feel like I am going insane in this house. To be honest, I feel a little bit down, too, as if my purpose is foggy, and I'm just not in the best of moods. I wake up and get into "taking care of baby" mode, but I'm not really enjoying the process of it all. It sounds awful, I know. Knowing what I know now, I am in awe of the moms who stay at home and have smiles on their faces. Then again, the thought of returning to work and not seeing my daughter all day long terrifies me, too. So what do I do??

Maybe I need an attitude adjustment, because frankly, I really have very little to complain about, aside from the economic downfall we are all in, the job hunt, our financial stress and my feeling like a failure as a mom and career woman. My family is healthy and I am blessed. I know many more people have it way worse, and I think I might just need a good smack in the face, a nice dose of reality.

I look at the other moms in my daughter's classes and they seem to be having it all together. I wish I could be more like them. I wish that I just wanted to be at home with my kid, and that that alone would satisfy me. I'm in between .... And I just wanted to give a shout-out to the ladies who stay at home with their kids, keeping the house, taking care of the family. It is a tough, endless job with little reciprocity. Seriously, I'm in awe.

next: Who'll Raise Your Kids If You Die?
30 comments so far | Post a comment now
Christi October 20, 2010, 3:29 PM

I love this article too. I’m among the many former working women who now stay at home with my children (one preschooler and a 14 month old too). My house is never perfect. I often feel like I go from one ‘room in crisis’ to the other - the kitchen is clean, but the living room is a disaster. I get the living room cleaned and the girls’ room is torn apart. I get the girls’ room cleaned and my bedroom needs work (the bed’s made ever so often, that counts, right? LOL). And whenever I do laundry, it all gets thrown on the couch so I can fold it as I have time.
I spend the majority of my day my baby, tending to her needs, both physical, emotional, and intellectual. The rest can wait. There have been those who’ve criticized me for the constant ‘disorder’ and those who understand. In the long run, I choose to recite (and need to post on my entry way wall) an old saying: “Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, for babies grow up, so we’ve learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep!”
BTW, for what it’s worth, I was once a nanny. I had in my contract that I was NOT responsible for housework or anything unrelated to the children. I kept my mess (and the kids’) to a minimum and had it cleaned before the end of my day. I didn’t neglect the kids for the house and the parents knew it wouldn’t happen (and as a result, some days they’d come home to clutter). I often warned parents too, if they wanted a housekeeper/nanny in one they were setting their children up for having their nanny be the tv or playpen because babies can’t complain about not going to the park, and parents can’t tell they didn’t, but the housework surely will speak for itself.
Anyway, thanks for such a great article. Don’t beat yourself up (as others have said too) for not getting it all done. There will be a time when I can hand over a portion of the chores to my children and expect that they get done, but for now, it’s me against the tide of mess and I don’t care if sometimes we have to wade thru it.

IRJessica October 20, 2010, 7:58 PM

I’ve tried it, then the hubby tried it. We love our little one more than anything (and are highly successful in the business world). HOWEVER, as soon as the structure of business was gone, we each fell to peices. How do my girlfriends do it?! I love them and envy how amazing they are. Someday I hope to try job-sharing with a like-minded mommy. Half the work, half the pay, double the time at home. I hope that works!

Julie October 21, 2010, 11:51 AM

I quit my career 12 years ago to be a SAHM. There are 7 kids in my house 6 are mine and 1 is a step-child. My neighbor she is a Grandmother now gave me some wonderful advice. “Trying to keep your house immaculate while having children of any age at home is like shoveling the sidewalk while it’s still snowing!” Some days your house will be clean and most meaning the majority it won’t! Enjoy your children now YOU WILL NEVER GET THIS TIME BACK EVER!!! Get out go to the park the mall the library whatever spend as much time together as possible. One day they will become teenagers and not want to hang with Mommy as much. I know my 2 oldest are fast approaching the Mom can I go? Do the best you can don’t stress the house cause then at the end of the day your gonna be in a bad mood. Somehow it just comes together kids house pets and all!

Stay at home moms December 9, 2010, 10:01 PM

Well this is really shocked me…but when I thought in deeply then I found that she is absolutely correct, she also has the right to enjoy her own life in her own manner not only being with her household affairs, definitely became fade & aweful with this type of jobs, until & unless she don’t take care of herself she never longer remain healthy, afterall every lady is the boss of her own house!!!

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