A big underlying issue here is tone. The difference between discussion, debate and bullying is all in how the topic is framed and how the people dealing with the topic treat both the topic and each other.

When people treat issues with respect and other people with respect, discourse can be engaging, enlightening and possibly inspiring. But all too often these days, people take refuge in the fact they can hide behind a monitor and keyboard and spew whatever comes to mind. No filter, no forethought. It’s all visceral, all reactive. People then take on shrill language to make a point that could be made in a much more balanced way.

Plus, the shroud of anonymity makes it all too easy for people to become attached to positions on an issue and as a consequence, connect people with their positions on issues. So the debate then takes on a personal angle as people attack each other. From there, it’s only a thin light-grey line to step over into bullying.

This piece could be seen as a plea, a call to action, whatever. It’s partially what the author says, but it’s also how a reader reacts to it.

But like it or not, it is an issue out here.

I agree with the last two posters. In fact, I am the reason for the post on Mom Logic. I asked Lisa to write about the issue of cyberbullying, because of the increasing numbers of people suffering at the hands of people aggressively attacking others. I agree and even expect that bloggers expect differing opinions. I agree that it is even healthy if handled in a proper manner. Blogs can be cathartic and even provide perspective on an issue.

In no way, should accusations such as “Murderer” ever be thrown at a mother in grief. Personal accusations and insults are not productive and even cause the point to get lost.

I am happy to see that bloggers are able to support those suffering at the hands of these abusive comments. No one can handle being called a murderer without feeling shocked and responsible, even if it is absurd. I think empathy has become rare, and it is very hard to have a debate when neither side is willing to empathize with the situation of the other.

It takes a great bit of courage to openly discuss situations that are controversial and even emotional issues. I applaud those who feel comfortable to express their true, honest feelings. These people are able to support others going through the same situation, in silence. It gives them a helping hand, reaching out. Very little of this is done in one on one communication and our reach is very small.

I hate to see these people silenced by the abuse at the hands of those not willing to help. There are many people who are just waiting to find an issue to attack someone over. Doesn’t take much courage to call someone a murderer.

As an example to my point, a site that provides funny pictures and captions of cats was attacked by a troll. This site is strictly for a little bit of humor in your day. This troll kept posting abusive, personally attacking comments to those having fun. Seriously!??!! Is this considered a debate? I really don’t see a benefit in this type of attack.

Fierce and Fiesty has turned her situation into a positive. Her strength is amazing. She has reached out to other families with the same heart condition her son suffered. She has shown us with grace and dignity how to handle this abuse. She has begged for all of the abuse to stop. She has expressed her feelings openly and non-accusatory. I admire her. She has chosen not to let these people pull her into their world of abuse and taunts.

I don’t think what has been done to Fierce and Fiesty and many others I have talked with, is considered a debate. Slander is more appropriate - and last time I checked there were laws against this type of communication - Defamation of character… I believe these would fall under the bullying category.

Thanks for the info

There IS a difference between discussion, debate and bullying. However, using a mothers’ loss of her child an opportunity to “raise other people’s awareness” - and actually trying to defend that type of despicable behavior by justifying it as discussion/debate/’raising awareness’ - is disgusting. There’s a time and a place for everything. The situation Lisa is writing about was not a time or place to exploit the situation to promote a cause by attacking a grieving mother. There is no acceptable defense for that. Period.

Very well said Matt Stilwell !

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