twitter facebook stumble upon rss

How to Explain Divorce to Your Kids

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Guest blogger Jessica Katz: With celebrities splitting left and right lately, I decided to ask an expert for the best way for parents to tell their kids they're breaking up.

parents talking to boy
David Arquette recently told shock jock Howard Stern the way he broke the news of his and Courteney's split to daughter Coco. He said he took Coco to the beach for a picnic to tell her that her parents are getting a divorce. Did he go about it the right way, or the wrong way?

Dr. Jenny Eide, Ph.D, says, "There isn't really a right way. But the Mark Brown book Dinosaurs Divorceis a great resource. It's a guide for parents on how to explain divorce."

Dr. Eide's tips:
  • Answer any and all questions. "Let the kids ask what they want to know," says Dr. Eide. "They will only ask what they are emotionally ready to hear -- which may not be a lot."
  • Both parents should be present in the room.
  • Explain it in a language that the kids will understand, without going into too much detail or blaming either parent.
  • Explain how their life will be both different and the same, and describe what their life will look like. "What kids are most worried about is, 'How is this going to affect me?'" saysDr. Eide. "Say, 'Mommy and Daddy won't be in the same house. There will be two houses, two traditions, two holidays.'"
  • Stay calm. "Kids take their cue from you," notes Dr. Eide.
  • Alert the people around your children, such as teachers and counselors. (You want them to be aware of signs and symptoms like depression.)
  • Above all, explain that it wasn't their fault. "Kids often think they did something wrong, and they often have fantasies about their parents getting back together, like in 'The Parent Trap,'" notes Dr. Eide. "Validate their feelings and reiterate that it was not their fault and that you love them."
  • Don't tell the kids until you have a clear plan. "If you're waffling or going back and forth, don't include the kids in your thought process," says Dr. Eide. "Otherwise, it will create a lot of anxiety for them, and they won't know how to process the whole thing."
  • Try to put the children first -- they are stuck in the eye of the storm.
  • No name-calling or hitting below the belt. "Having your parents divorce is hard enough without hearing them sling smut," says Dr. Eide. "For a child of divorce, there is nothing worse than being stuck in a game of tug o' war, anchored in guilt. Saying bad things about your spouse may make you feel better, but it will make your kids feel lousy. Remember: Your marriage may not have worked, but your divorce can."


next: The Birth Rape Phenomenon
75 comments so far | Post a comment now
designer silver jewellery uk April 5, 2011, 12:52 AM

Good issues?I’d note that as someone who really doesn’t write on blogs a lot (if truth be told, this may be my first publish), I don’t suppose the term ‘lurker’ is very changing into to a non-posting reader. It’s not your fault in the least , but most likely the blogosphere may just come up with a greater, non-creepy title for the 90% people that experience studying the content .

Yohimbe April 5, 2011, 7:21 AM

Moin! Sie besitzen hier einen einzigartigen Weblog! Mir gefällt insbesondere das Layout sowie die Colour! Alles Gute! Achja: Womöglich magst Du auch einmal auf meiner Webseite über Yohimbin HCL + Yohimbe vorbeischauen? Yohimbine HCL maximiert den Abbau von Körperfett und gehört zu den wirksamsten Fatburner Kapseln! Beste Grüße, Corinna S. Sachser

Advertising Jobs April 5, 2011, 9:22 AM

Good read … headline catchy … good points, some of which I have learned along the way as well (humility, grace, layoff the controversial stuff). Will share with my colleagues at work as we begin blogging from a corporate perspective. Thanks!

scrapebox April 5, 2011, 12:08 PM

Hello. Thank you for posting this!

carpet cleaning April 5, 2011, 9:24 PM

So not really on the same topic as your post, but I found this today and I just can’t resist sharing. Mrs. Agathe’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. Oh, and by the way…don’t worry about my Doberman. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT under ANY circumstances talk to my parrot!” When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Agathe’s apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen. But just as she had said, the dog simply laid there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

BMW news April 5, 2011, 9:30 PM

Hey esto es un gran poste. ¿Puedo utilizar una porción en ella en mi sitio? Por supuesto ligaría a su sitio así que la gente podría leer el artículo completo si ella quiso a. Agradece cualquier manera.

program tv April 6, 2011, 3:55 AM

hey there and thank you for your info – I have definitely picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical points using this web site, since I experienced to reload the site a lot of times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and could damage your high-quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Well I’m adding this RSS to my email and could look out for a lot more of your respective interesting content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..

customizable t-shirts April 6, 2011, 7:46 AM

Hiya, I simply hopped over to your website online by means of StumbleUpon. Not something I would normally learn, however I appreciated your emotions none the less. Thank you for making something price reading.

Residential Solar Panels April 6, 2011, 10:28 AM

Your website theme looks awesome. What theme did you use?

Lär dig prata med killar April 6, 2011, 3:44 PM

Great post, you have pointed out some wonderful points , I also conceive this s a very great website.

life plus products April 6, 2011, 4:35 PM

How did you make your site look this sick!? Email me if you get the chance and share your wisdom. I’d be thankful.

cancer April 6, 2011, 5:07 PM

Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do some research about this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more from this post. I’m very glad to see such wonderful information being shared freely out there.

Hur pratar man med killar April 6, 2011, 7:30 PM

I saw a lot of website but I believe this one has something special in it in it

south beach miami hotels April 6, 2011, 11:18 PM

Great information. Thanks very much.

BioBasics April 7, 2011, 2:53 AM

Have you thought about adding some differing opinions to the article? I think it might enhance my understanding.

contemporary art paintings new york April 7, 2011, 7:55 AM

Hello. Great job, if I wasn’t so busy with my school work I read your total site. Thanks!

Yohimbine HCL Fettverbrennung April 7, 2011, 10:44 AM

Guten Tag! Sie besitzen hier einen wunderbaren Weblog! Ich bewundere besonders das Design und die Farben! Alles Gute! PS: Eventuell kannst Du auch ein mal auf meiner Webpage über Yohimbine HCL oder Yohimbe vorbeischauen? Yohimbe verbessert den Abbau von Körperfett und gehört zu den wirkungsvollsten Fatburner Kapseln! Mit freundlichem Gruß, Sali D. Rosetti

Ruth Dueck April 7, 2011, 2:28 PM

I like this website so much, saved to fav.

MrsLiz April 7, 2011, 4:20 PM

You’ve hit the nail on the head

Ephedrine HCL Fatburner April 8, 2011, 2:00 AM

Servus! Ich bin über T-Online zu deinem Weblog gestoßen und will auch eine Bemerkung hier lassen. Mir gefällt das Template ungemein gut und ich werde gern zeitnah wiederkommen. Ich wäre geehrt, wenn dir dir auch meine Site zum Thema Ephedra ansehen würdest. Ephedrine Fatburner sind der einzigartigste Fatburner für fixe Fettverbrennung. Danke und bis bald!


Leave a reply:



(not displayed)

     




Avoid clicking "Post" more than once
Back to top >>
advertisement