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Wife's Vajayjay Scares Off Husband Post-Childbirth

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Guest blogger Monica: I got a call from my bawling sister-in-law last night, who said that her husband (my hubs' brother) had just walked out on her and their child. His reasoning was that he'd "looked" while she was giving birth to their son, and now he can no longer think of her in a sexual way. She gave birth two years ago! She confirmed it, though: They'd had sex only a handful of times since, and she had initiated every time. Oh. My. God. Men suck.

woman giving birth
How can this be?! I was in on that birth, too, and my brother-in-law didn't seem to be freaked out then. He was an active participant, stroking his wife's hair, kissing her cheek, cheering her on and holding back one of her legs (I had the other) as she pushed. I remember being astonished by what I was watching. The whole experience was incredible, and if I didn't get freaked out at the state of her vagina (I have one, after all), then he certainly shouldn't have.

My husband laughingly calledthe birth ofourfirst child"The Rocky Horror P*ssy Show." But he'd wanted to see it all -- the blood, the guts, the vagina that stretched to proportions he couldn't have imagined. He was amazed at what my body had accomplished and afterward thought I was even sexier than I'd been before I'd gotten pregnant. I remember that he wrote in a post-birth e-mail to family and friends that he was stunned by his love for me and our child after witnessing the miracle of her birth. How could his experience be so different from his brother's?

Men need to grow up. They are a big part of the baby-making process. If a man can't handle the result of a woman's body doing what it's made for, then he shouldn't get anyone pregnant! I'm disgusted with my brother-in-law for being so childish. My poor sister-in-law. She's practically catatonic right now, wondering how she's lost her husband simply by giving birth to their baby. I still can't believe this is real.

Moms, has this happened to anyone you know?

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16 comments so far | Post a comment now
REALMOM October 4, 2010, 8:53 AM

OMG, never heard such a thing, this sounds like the soaps or somthing. Is he just making excuses and wants to be with another woman, or man? just asking.

SS October 4, 2010, 9:41 AM

I’ve heard of this happening but it’s never happened to anyone I know. I think it is the height of childishness and selfishness. HE put that baby in there! He should grow up and act like a man. I feel very sorry for your sister in law. I hope she’s able to find a wonderful man to marry and even have more children with, although I wouldn’t be surprised if she was a bit scared off from having more children. Poor thing. It’s not her fault at all.

KS October 4, 2010, 10:21 AM

I have heard of this but not from anyone I know directly. How absolutely horrible she must have been feeling for the last two years and now this.

You are right that he needs to grow up. I’m sure he is just using the birth as an excuse and there is much more to this. I would get her into some sort of counseling. How could you not have significant self esteem issues after dealing with two years of someone not enjoying your body.

Your poor sister in law that would devastate anyone. She will get over this but he just abandoned his baby and wife. He will regret it. Maybe not today or next week or next month but there are things that hurt people so deeply it will haunt you once you realize what it is that you did.

ed October 4, 2010, 11:45 AM

yeah… so… i’m not buying it… i think maybe he might have been fooling around with someone else before the kid was born… and now he’s to the point that he’s ready to move on to the next chick…or dude… and this is the only thing this numbsckull can pull out of his a$$ as an excuse to leave… what a total loser…. i feel for the woman… but then again… maybe there’s more than she’s telling… you never know…

Rox October 4, 2010, 11:58 AM

can you say douche bag?

Sari Cooper October 4, 2010, 1:16 PM

As a sex therapist I can tell you that this experience of being turned off by a wife’s vulva after witnessing childbirth is not totally out of left field, although his decision to skip out on both his newborn child and his wife seems to be dramatic. There are plenty of additional reasons that he has abandoned his family including: fear of taking responsibility, anxiety over having to give up the “child position” of being the sole person being taken care of by his wife (jealousy of the new child), repetition of one of his own parent’s behavior when he was a child.
Although you might judge the actions, one shouldn’t disregard totally the possibility that the witnessing of a birth can be extremely traumatic and upsetting for someone and that their continued relationship to the genitals feels like it has changed forever to one of almost a phobic experience.
This is not to defend his behavior but to take seriously the possibility that husbands and/or partners may need to consider carefully whether they want to witness the actual birth. There have been plenty of mothers who don’t want to watch the baby emerge with the use of a mirror for the same reasons. They want to retain a certain relationship with their genitals in their minds’ eye.
Sari Cooper
Individual, Couples and Sex Therapist

Nay October 9, 2010, 6:04 PM

Yeah, you’re brother in law is a jerk, but not all men are. You said yourself how wonderful your husband was. Men don’t need to grow up, just certain ones of them.

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Anonymous November 10, 2010, 6:03 AM

Honest to god, women, please don’t talk about your stretched saggy dry vaginas. Fix them and put them to good use.

OldTimer November 29, 2010, 1:25 PM

I was A nurse for 24 years.NOTHING about this is new.What is new new is when this started,MOSTLy feminists pushed this)more than than A few men were FORCED into the know for A fact that this is something that MANY men go through.The women who’s husbands leave them is their OWN fault.A man’s place has never been the del. room.Woman up women.When I had my 12 children my hubby was outside,pacing.He never had to see me grunting,yelling,sweating,with my nude pregnant (so called beautiful) body.And guess what,he didn’t leave me like my (past) friends who made theirs either.My husband(An ex-therepist)just confided in me of 2 recently moved young couples who wives made them do it cause it was ”expected.”Want to know who filed for divorce.BOTH.

the three peaks challenge March 6, 2011, 4:06 PM

A really good set of info which I will be certainly coming back to read again. Thanks very much to all those who contribute.

Svetlana Zack March 16, 2011, 7:53 PM

I’d come to give green light with you on this. Which is not something I usually do! I enjoy reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to speak my mind!

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