Guest blogger Jessica Katz: When I had my daughter, I fell in love. We did everything together and I learned everything about being a mom with her. I remember telling her that no matter how many kids I had, she would always be my favorite. There was a bond I would neverhave again with another child. She was the only one -- the center of my universe.
When I got pregnant with my second child, I got scared that I would not be able
to love two kids. I loved my dog until my daughter came, and now I am not that
into the dog. My girlfriend without kids said, "But you love your Gucci bag as
much as your Marc Jacobs
bag" ... but it wasn't quite the same thing. I only wanted
my daughter's pictures on the wall, my daughter snuggling in bed. How would I
find room to love two?
When I was pregnant with my first child, I kept a detailed pregnancy journal, and I still keep one for her wherein I profess my love for her. With the second, I
barely remember to write in the journal, let alone talk to the baby in my belly.
I confided my fears to my mom. I told her that I was obsessed with my daughter and I
feared that I would never love another child the same -- she was my favorite. My
mom told me that it was a fear every parent faced. And the truth is, there is
a special bond with your first. You learn love in a whole new way when you have
a child, and it is that first child who teaches you that.
I am the oldest, and I know I am my mom's favorite (mostly because my sister and my mom do not get along as well). I represented a really good time in my mom's life,
and she often tells me she should have stopped after me. It isn't really a
secret. My sister recently told me, "You're mom's favorite." She wasn't upset over
it; it was just a fact to her. Every relationship with a parent in unique and
some bonds are stronger than others. We have favorite parents and grandparents,
so why shouldn't they have favorite kids?
As long as a parent is not overtly favoring a child and ignoring another, there
really isn't a problem. You can't control that you don't have the same time and
attention to give to a second or third child as your first. You jumped at every
whimper with your first baby, but by the fourth, you don't even hear them
scream. It happens to the best of us. But as long as you love your children --
favorite or not -- everything will be OK.