I knew sometime midway through my third marathon phone conversation with Scott that someday this would happen. So on the one hand, you could say it took him five and half years to catch up. On the other hand, I think he had a pretty good idea, but the reality of a difficult breakup after more than two decades of marriage and a lengthy divorce put a crimp in the proceedings. He was not exactly high on the institution. 

We have worked hard on a very happy, healthy almost-six-year relationship, and we have never lived in the same city. He has lived in Brooklyn, New York, and Birmingham, Alabama, and I have stayed put in Louisville, Colorado. We have gone through a great deal: his four-plus-year divorce, our aging/ailing parents, the loss of my mom, job changes, career freakouts (on both our parts), life. 

I am grateful for the distance, because it forced me to create an independent, happy life on my own, and I'm not sure I would have done that had he lived in the same zip code. It gave me time and space to be fully immersed in these precious years with my daughters (now 15 and 13) and give them my undivided attention and love. It gave Scott time to live alone and regroup, to redefine this next chapter. To breathe and stay up late watching BBC comedies and horror movies with subtitles. He needed to experience the steps before becoming entrenched in the dance. Together, we have earned this. We are celebrating something that IS rather than hoping for something that will be. 

The timing and form of the actual proposal was a surprise. It happened on a belated 50th birthday trip he had planned for me. We sat on a bench overlooking the Oregon coast and the glistening Pacific. He had created a book, mostly sketches of his with brilliant, clever, funny and very sweet captions. On the last page was a photo of our rings and two boxes, one labeled "yes" and one labeled "no." I only needed to check the "yes" box and sign. We had each picked out rings and we put them on and stared at our fingers. We immediately cultivated a great liking of the word fiancée. 

Our daughters (we each have two) are delighted. Our friends are thrilled. I am giddy in the best possible way -- a combination of childlike joy and mature, grounded love. Reality is beautiful, the sun is shining and to hell with it: I may even wear white.