Guest blogger Jessica Katz: As soon as you have your baby, you are in love. You finally understand how much your parents must love you, and you feel love in a whole new way -- a way you never thought possible. The problem is, as you fall in love with your baby, you often fall out of love with your husband.
This is not an uncommon phenomenon.
You spend all of your time with the baby; it consumes you. If you breastfeed, you
release oxytocin, which you also release during an orgasm. And you spend so much
of your day holding your baby that it often fulfills your need for physical
I remember that when I was pregnant, my mom and my mother-in-law both wrote me
letters expressing the importance of not forgetting how to be a wife when I
became a mom. My mom had been a victim of this, and it eventually ruined her
. As soon as she had kids, everything was about the kids. She forgot
how to be a wife. She would actually encourage my father to travel with us kids
or have daddy date nights with me rather than her. My father felt emotionally
and physically neglected. He eventually had an affair, which led to a divorce. He
told me, "Starving people eat out of trash cans, but if you're full, you can pass by
your favorite restaurant and not want a bite." He was basically telling me he had been starved for attention.
I was terrified of following in my mother's footsteps. My husband and I took a two-week trip
sans baby when our daughter was 5 months old. I missed her like crazy, but I
wanted my husband to feel like a priority, too. I find it terribly hard to
balance. I spend all day with my daughter, and by the time she goes to bed, I am
spent. I do not have the energy for my husband, to be a fun and sexy wife.
It's stressful for him, and stressful for me. I worry about our
lack of time together, because I am all about my daughter all of the time. My
husband and I have planned another trip to Mexico
after Thanksgiving without our
Most of my friends have never really left their kids. They ask me (with
judgment), "How can you leave her?!"
My daughter will be fine. She will be with her grandmother, being spoiled. And I also think it is important for her to have quality time
with her grandma. I was very close to mine. I
am the one I should be worried
about: I will miss her like crazy. But I need to make time for my husband and
. He deserves a partner and
So how do you keep yourself from falling out of love with your husband?
date nights and get time away, even if it is only a weekend trip or a night at a
local hotel. You need time when you don't have to be a mom and can just be a wife.
- Remember to shower, groom and dress. It's easy to get into sweat-pants mode and
forget to shave your legs.
- Remember that a happy home includes your husband and
your baby. You spend so much of your time trying to keep your kids happy, you
sometimes forget about yourself and your spouse.
At the end of the day, your
kids are going to grow up and move away. And all too often, marriages fall prey
to problems then because couples don't know what to do as husband and wife. They only
know how to be parents. Parenthood is a longterm plan. Think of everyone's futures, even if you want to crawl in bed at 6 PM.