twitter facebook stumble upon rss

'I Fell In Love with My Baby, and Out of Love with My Husband'

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Guest blogger Jessica Katz: As soon as you have your baby, you are in love. You finally understand how much your parents must love you, and you feel love in a whole new way -- a way you never thought possible. The problem is, as you fall in love with your baby, you often fall out of love with your husband.

mom and baby
This is not an uncommon phenomenon. You spend all of your time with the baby; it consumes you. If you breastfeed, you release oxytocin, which you also release during an orgasm. And you spend so much of your day holding your baby that it often fulfills your need for physical intimacy.

I remember that when I was pregnant, my mom and my mother-in-law both wrote me letters expressing the importance of not forgetting how to be a wife when I became a mom. My mom had been a victim of this, and it eventually ruined her marriage. As soon as she had kids, everything was about the kids. She forgot how to be a wife. She would actually encourage my father to travel with us kids or have daddy date nights with me rather than her. My father felt emotionally and physically neglected. He eventually had an affair, which led to a divorce. He told me, "Starving people eat out of trash cans, but if you're full, you can pass by your favorite restaurant and not want a bite." He was basically telling me he had been starved for attention.

I was terrified of following in my mother's footsteps. My husband and I took a two-week trip sans baby when our daughter was 5 months old. I missed her like crazy, but I wanted my husband to feel like a priority, too. I find it terribly hard to balance. I spend all day with my daughter, and by the time she goes to bed, I am spent. I do not have the energy for my husband, to be a fun and sexy wife.

It's stressful for him, and stressful for me. I worry about our lack of time together, because I am all about my daughter all of the time. My husband and I have planned another trip to Mexico after Thanksgiving without our daughter. Most of my friends have never really left their kids. They ask me (with judgment), "How can you leave her?!"

My daughter will be fine. She will be with her grandmother, being spoiled. And I also think it is important for her to have quality time with her grandma. I was very close to mine. I am the one I should be worried about: I will miss her like crazy. But I need to make time for my husband and my marriage. He deserves a partner and wife.

So how do you keep yourself from falling out of love with your husband?

  • Make date nights and get time away, even if it is only a weekend trip or a night at a local hotel. You need time when you don't have to be a mom and can just be a wife.
  • Remember to shower, groom and dress. It's easy to get into sweat-pants mode and forget to shave your legs.
  • Remember that a happy home includes your husband and your baby. You spend so much of your time trying to keep your kids happy, you sometimes forget about yourself and your spouse.
At the end of the day, your kids are going to grow up and move away. And all too often, marriages fall prey to problems then because couples don't know what to do as husband and wife. They only know how to be parents. Parenthood is a longterm plan. Think of everyone's futures, even if you want to crawl in bed at 6 PM.

next: Fancy Parties for 1-Year-Olds Are a Waste of Money!
36 comments so far | Post a comment now
Lashaunda Zezima January 3, 2011, 1:52 PM

Have you actually considered adding much more videos to your weblog posts to keep the readers more entertained? I mean I just examine via the entire article of yours and it was very excellent but because I’m additional of the visual learner, I discovered that being additional helpful good let me know how it turns out! I adore what you guys are constantly up too. This kind of clever perform and reporting! Retain up the amazing functions men I’ve extra you men to my blog roll. This is a superb article thanks for sharing this informative information… I will visit your blog often for some latest article.

If you golf, choose Little River. If you want to dive into a big indoor heated pool, anytime of day or night, choose Stanford Inn.

tudung bidang 60 January 13, 2011, 6:31 AM

Really instructive and great structure of content material , now that’s user genial :.

Jayne January 13, 2011, 12:29 PM

Perfect work you have done, this website is really cool with great information.

tudung bidang 60 January 14, 2011, 12:36 AM

You have observed very interesting details ! ps nice web site .

Eliza January 14, 2011, 9:56 AM

excellent post ! I’m waiting for the next one !

Causstem January 16, 2011, 9:52 AM

I’m often to blogging and i actually admire your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and preserve checking for brand spanking new information.

Casper January 20, 2011, 9:26 PM

I like this internet site because so much utile stuff on here : D.

etumid January 26, 2011, 9:31 AM

Can I just say what a relief to seek out someone who really knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know the right way to deliver a difficulty to mild and make it important. Extra people must learn this and perceive this side of the story. I cant imagine youre not more widespread because you positively have the gift.

tramadol hcl 50mg tabs side effects  February 6, 2011, 10:30 PM

Very informative post. Thanks for taking the time to share your view with us.

Nicholle Plattner February 11, 2011, 1:49 AM

The estate he named the Avec Chateau, a French phrase meaning “with home,” is the opposite of homelessness and a lot of other things.

MP3Mixx music downloads February 13, 2011, 8:04 AM

Wow!, this was a real quality post. In theory I’d like to write like this too - taking time and real effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and never seem to achieve anything

Alveo March 21, 2011, 2:48 PM

I just sent this post to a bunch of my friends as I agree with most of what you’re saying here and the way you’ve presented it is awesome.

Georgene Zurcher April 1, 2011, 12:06 AM

I enjoyed the read and wanted to leave my link. Thank you!

MagDongenef April 21, 2011, 8:42 AM

Very informative post. Thanks for taking the time to share your view with us.

acution house  May 2, 2011, 5:54 AM

Very informative post. Thanks for taking the time to share your view with us.

Back to top >>