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I Used To Be Cool

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Jessica Katz: So the other day, my husband mentioned the idea of moving to a suburb. I said I didn't want to live in suburbia. He looked at me and said, "I don't know why you think you're so Cosmo -- you're a mom now." It was true: I barely could stay up past 7:30 PM.

young girl in a night club
I told him how I used to go out to fancy dinners every night -- when I was single. I would do cultural things and go to parties. But he reminded me that all I do now is baby group, music class and the occasional playdate. He also reminded me I hadn't left the house all day. It then occurred to me that we hadn't been invited to any adult Halloween parties this year. 

My daughter (who had been invited to two) has more of a social life than I do. I asked him, "Is it because we have a kid? Could we get a babysitter?" People stopped calling as much when we had our daughter; our invites slowly dried up. He told me to face the fact that I was a mom and I was really good at it. 

But as much as I love my daughter, I miss my "cool" life. I told my husband, "Well, I would be cool if we had a full-time nanny and I could go out every night and rest during the day." But then it occurred to me that if I did that, I would not be taking care of my baby. I wouldn't be the mom I wanted to be. 

I am wistful for the days when I wore short skirts and had wine with dinner. When I ate past 6 PM and always had a manicure. But I adore my daughter, too. I've decided I want to be Heidi Klum in my next life. Somehow, she has it all -- and looks really good doing it. 

Experts say it is perfectly normal to mourn your old life. A baby is a huge change. And your relationships change too -- with friends, family and even your spouse. You have to realize you can have it all, just not at the same time. And when I was partying the night away back when I was cool, I was envious of everyone I knew with a baby and a husband. The grass is always a shade greener where you are not.

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6 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous November 4, 2010, 9:09 AM

I agree! I have friends with no kids that will phone me up at 10pm to go out for drinks and um no…we would need to find a babysitter and then it ends up my husband and I can’t go out together which sucks. They don’t call anymore. I need about a days notice and they like to do things last minute like I used to.

Rita November 4, 2010, 10:24 AM

I’m sorry you feel that way. Perhaps there are some social gatherings you and your husband can attend together?

I understand babysitters are tough to find nowadays and finances can barely stretch to accomadate for one. Maybe you and your husband can do trade offs, like one night he watches the kids while you go out with a friend, and then you do the same for him, and/or do friend baby-sitting swaps.

I hope you get some time to yourself soon!

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