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This Mom Blogger Is Our Hero!

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momlogic's Vivian:

There's a lot of nonsense to wade through out here in the Wild West of the blogosphere. But every so often, you stumble across a post that just makes you say, "RIGHT THE EFF ON!" Such is the case with a lady who assumes the moniker "Nerdy Apple Bottom."

Her post "My Son Is Gay" details how her son wanted to be Daphne from "Scooby-Doo" for Halloween, then experienced panic and fear of ridicule when it came time to sport the getup and get to the school parade. Turns out it wasn't the other kids her "Boo" had to worry about. It was the parents!

She wrote: "Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, 'Doesn't he look great?' And Mom A says in disgust, 'Did he ask to be that?!' I say that he sure did, as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn't I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.

"And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have 'allowed' this, and thank God it wasn't next year when he was in kindergarten, since I would have had to put my foot down and 'forbid' it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn't imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed. My response to that: 'The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.'"

Can you BELIEVE?! This poor mom!

There's more in between(read the full posthere),but NAB righteously continues:

"If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kindhearted 5-year-old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him .... I hate that those women thought those thoughts -- and worse, felt comfortable saying them out loud. I hate that pink is still called a 'girl color' and that my baby has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween .... My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is 'normal' and what is not, but to help him become a good person. I hope I am doing that. And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn't want it any other way."

YEAOUS! Well said, Nerdy! We think you rock!

And know what? You're absolutely right. Two days before Halloween, my 3-year-old daughter decided that she was over being a dinosaur and instead wanted to be Superman. Not Supergirl. Not Wonder Woman. SuperMAN.

So I bought her the costume. She rocked the sh*t out of it and no one said a word. Not to my face, anyway.

It sucks out loud that our kids in their innocence have to contend with a wealth of insane double standards when it comes to gender identification.

Here's hoping parents like you keep doing what you do, and manage to open a couple of eyeballs here and there along the way.

next: Peanuts: The Newest Pregnancy No-No?
42 comments so far | Post a comment now
Angie B November 4, 2010, 12:17 PM

I agree. It’s Halloween. I always let my kids choose their costumes. This is a time for them to dress up and pretend to be whatever they want to be. I feel bad this mother had to go through that

really November 4, 2010, 12:43 PM

read the original post. the son was scared, the son worried, the son was uncomfortable and yet the mom made him wear it anyway. listen to your child. if he doesnt want to wear it, dont make him. he changed his mind, get over it and get off your high horse, trying to make a point. if he was all into it, then yeah, thats good, but no, she very clearly states that he was worried and she made him anyway. not cool mom. try being supportive of an actual choice, like NOT wearing it. or if he was actually gay or something.

Anonymous November 4, 2010, 12:51 PM

Funny how grow ups push their own agenda on their children and yet complain when others don’t accept their own children. Sometimes you can do just as much damage by trying too hard to prove a point (I could care less if my son is gay) as you do when you try too hard to make your child someone that they are not.

zandhmom November 4, 2010, 1:15 PM

Wow, this “Hero” mom was so determine to show that she wasn’t concerned that her son MAY BE gay that even when he was upset and terrified to go into his school with the costume on, she chose to MAKE him do it. She may be all P.C. but she did it at her child expense. Not cool.

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Michelle November 4, 2010, 2:36 PM

Err, not quite folks. He was worried that people were going to give him trouble, and she persuaded him not to worry about it. Let’s go to a corollary situation - you know your daughter really really wants to try out for the math team but she’s worried people will think ill of her because she’s a girl doing math. Do you say, “Yeah babe, you’re right, screw the math team” or do you say, “Hey, people are generally kind and open-minded, and even if they aren’t, you gotta do what’s right for you.” I’m pretty sure I’d say the second.

Lilly November 4, 2010, 9:20 PM

really -
Mom DID NOT “make him wear it anyway”. She was merely guiding her son towards self confidence and high self esteem. I know her personally. She DOES NOT make her kids do what they don’t want to do. I think her youngest have something to say to you.

Jilly November 5, 2010, 7:13 AM

Did you people READ the story or not….she only comforted him to ease his worry, she did not force him to wear it.I can tell you right now that most children his age will fight like crazy, even physically fight you to not wear something they don’t want to…mine will anyway, so they wear what they want(within reason of course). But, as far as a costume is concerned, please, is it really that big of a deal? I think it is funny and cute! And guess what else? If he is gay, so F&^%#&* what? He has that right and should be left alone to be exactly who he is!!

dholmas November 5, 2010, 7:57 AM

In my opinion the two other mothers overstepped the boundary. A little boy can’t go as Daphne but grown men can go in drag at Halloween. So what if this child is gay. Parents usually have it figured out by that age even if the child tries to hide it when older because of the stigma. Besides he looked adorable.

Anonymous November 6, 2010, 3:04 PM

I agree with Zandhmom. The child changed his mind, but the mom still MADE him wear it. Other people’s perceptions don’t matter, of course they don’t, but the child didn’t want to wear the costume in the end, why make him?

Also, the implication about being christian therefore tolerant, well, I don’t really follow that. Where in the bible does it mention that? Whilst children are being killed for teasing a bald man? Whilst god decides to kill the whole of mankind through drowning because he doesn’t like sin? When a king wants to chop a baby in half because women are fighting over who his mother is? Tolerance is not taught in the bible. It’s a shame this mother doesn’t realise that.

Incidentally, I am tolerant and believe in tolerance. I would never take my children to a bigot-inducing place on Sunday mornings. They have better things to do than be taught about invisible sky magicians. Like make androgynous costumes so that strangers can’t make silly assumptions about their lives.

gina November 7, 2010, 11:27 AM

Big kudos and love to Nerdy Apple Bottom for sticking up for her child. But one correction I want to make is that wanting to dress up in a ‘girl’ costume has nothing to do with potentially being gay or not and that what we’re really talking about is how he expresses his gender… not sexual orientation. There are lots of gay boys/men who have no interest whatsoever in drag or pink clothes and there are lots of kids who we might think of as boys who are really transgender girls and in no way gay. Yes, and there are lots of straight/non-trans boys who just feel like dressing up as Daphne because it’s fun. Please let’s not use ‘gay’ as a blanket way of describing femininity expressed by boy children… too simplistic.

Mom of three November 7, 2010, 3:41 PM

She’s not my hero, I think this woman threw her kid under the bus on this one. The costume was fine and she did right by him there but, the blog post and media circus interviews were bad calls on her part. She stopped putting her son first the second she clicked the publish button.

Mom in Ohio November 8, 2010, 4:39 PM

Totally agree with mom of 3. Unbelievable. Her son is going to spend a lot of time in therapy with a mom like that.

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Lauren K. November 13, 2010, 4:23 AM

What if he wanted to go as a black movie/book person? People would loose their minds if a white child dressed as a black character. Bottom line…the adults need to wake up and shut up.

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"rock it"  November 17, 2010, 1:40 AM

The fact that 1) the author of the original blog and the author here insist on using the term “Rocking the wig” and 2) the father is never mentioned

say all that there needs to be said about this incident.

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