Anonymous: When I was pregnant with my daughter, Josie, we carefully considered whom we would ask to be her godparents. My husband wanted his best friend to be the godfather, so I selected my good friend Kara as godmother. She was a spiritual person whom I thought could give my child some guidance later on when my daughter and I weren't seeing eye-to-eye.
Kara was honored that I asked her, and accepted. At first, she was dedicated. She was right there when my daughter was born, and for the first seven years never missed a birthday, Halloween
, Valentine's Day
or Christmas. When Josie was old enough, Kara started taking her on a yearly "godmommy-goddaughter" outing for shopping and lunch. Josie had Kara's number memorized and would call her to talk about friends, or a boy she liked, or the test she'd aced, and whenever we'd
be on the phone, Kara would always ask to talk to Josie before she hung up.
They had a great relationship. It warmed my heart, and I congratulated myself on choosing someone so into the job (especially since Josie's godfather has been absent since day one).
But two years ago, things started to change, and my daughter was left wondering why "Aunt Kara was mad" at her. After I sent out my yearly Halloween
potluck invite, Kara wrote back to say she couldn't make it, because she was going to a party in her own neighborhood. I couldn't believe it! She'd always been so excited to come on Halloween
! And then it was time for our trip to San Francisco
for Josie's 10th birthday -- an event we'd been planning for years -- and she e-mailed and said she had to cancel because of a "work thing."
My daughter was crushed, and I was left wondering if I'd made a bad choice in choosing Kara as a godmother. (It wasn't just those two things, by the way, that made me feel the way I do. There are several other instances, too.)
Is it just too big a commitment to be a good godparent? I get it, kind of. Being present in a child's life -- one who's not your own -- is not an easy thing, especially when life gets to be ... well, life. But why say yes in the first place?
My daughter is hurt, and I feel betrayed. I didn't choose my friend on a whim, and now she has let us both down. I thought I had made a good pick!
Has anyone out there gone through this? I feel like calling her and telling her to forget the whole thing, that I'm officially firing her as Josie's godmother. What do you think?