twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Suburbs and Single Moms

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Guest blogger Kimberly Seals Allers: It is often said that behind every cloud, there's a silver lining. Recently, a very dark cloud came over my children. Soon after adjusting to my divorce from their father and their settling in to a routine of weekend visitation, the "wasband" made the unfortunate decision to move back to his home: London, England.

mother and daughter
I'll spare you his reasons -- none of which were, in my opinion, valid enough to leave two beautiful faces behind. Of course, he says he will visit often and fly them over on school breaks. Whatever.

It was a cruel blow to my children, who were used to his close proximity despite our divorce. But when he boarded that plane, so went a restrictive court order that for years had prevented me from moving beyond our local county. It was my window of opportunity. With no more legal restrictions, I was free to create my next life, instead of coping with the remnants of my old one. It was my silver lining.

You see, for some time now, it has been clear to me that the suburbs are no place for a single mom. At least not this one. I have no family nearby. I have no real friendships in the area. After I divorced, my married friends slowly drifted away. I was tired of being the fifth wheel anyway, and there was a new uneasiness about me being around their husbands.It was as if there were a scarlet "D" stamped on my forehead that could only be seen by the ultraviolet light of insecure wives.Memo to the marrieds: Honey, I don't want your husband. I've listened to you complain about him for years.

I'm a social person, and being so far from the City with no real friends and family nearby was terribly lonely. I was too far away for my old friends to just drop by or make casual visits, and being far from the City made it difficult to do the networking and staying-connected stuff that I needed for my business. I found myself slowly slipping into depression. While my kids frolicked in our lovely inground pool and ran all over our 3/4 acre property, I was lonely. I won't even get into the black-single-mother-in-a-nonblack-suburb factor (which, by the way, exponentially increases the loneliness quotient).

Meanwhile, being so far from the City with no support made it difficult to socialize, meet other single moms or network for my business. Every time I stepped out the door, the babysitter meter was ticking. So all in all, the suburbs just weren't user-friendly to my new divorced status. But for a long time, I suffered in silence, trying to make the best of it.

Then I did something drastic: I packed up my children, rented out my lovely house with the lovely pool and moved into a spacious apartment closer to the City. It's still very suburban for city living -- there's a farm across the street and a golf course two blocks away -- but I'm back in my hometown, in one of the best school districts, closer to a possible support network and 20 minutes from N.Y.C.

Before I made the move, I spent many pensive and tearful nights and days weighing the options. Turns out, my kids happen to love the suburbs. They couldn't imagine life without a pool, a big yard and a swing under their favorite tree, and trust me, I second-guessed myself for months, wondering if I were being selfish and pondering what was really best for my children.At the end of the tears, lists, points and counterpoints, and after asking every friend, relative and near-stranger for input, I was clear: When mama is happy, the whole family is happy.

The move was grueling. But the throwing out, driving off and starting over was oh so therapeutic. So long, suburbs. You served your purpose. But you just do not fit me anymore.


next: Help Us, Fairy Jobmother!
71 comments so far | Post a comment now
Automated forex trading February 23, 2011, 4:04 AM

Hey, just looking around some blogs, seems a pretty nice platform you are using. I’m currently using Wordpress for a few of my sites but looking to change one of them over to a platform similar to yours as a trial run. Anything in particular you would recommend about it?

London Hotels February 24, 2011, 1:29 AM

Hello.This article was really remarkable, especially because I was looking for thoughts on this issue last Sunday.

One Plane Golf Swing February 24, 2011, 1:35 AM

Let me start by saying nice post. Im not sure if it has been talked about, but when using Chrome I can never get the entire site to load without refreshing many times. Could just be my computer. Thanks.

job March 6, 2011, 11:04 AM

you are really a good webmaster. The web site loading speed is amazing. It seems that you are doing any unique trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterwork. you’ve done a great job on this topic!

ZaapTV HD209N IPTV March 8, 2011, 4:56 PM

this is awesome

modern furniture  March 10, 2011, 10:00 AM

How come at this time there zero much more a lot of these websites? Your content are perfect and get to themes or templates, that are unable to always be recognized all over the place. Please continue penning this sort of fantastic materials, it could be absolutely important. The net can be full of incredible waste, seeing that A single will be delighted when you learn anything. Exactly why typically are not there a lot more? Commonly do not abandon me dangling!

offset mortgage calculator March 13, 2011, 3:08 AM

Couldnt agree more with that, very attractive article

Weight Loss Programme March 15, 2011, 7:04 AM

I must admit that this is one great insight. It surely gives a company the opportunity to get in on the ground floor and really take part in creating something special and tailored to their needs.

SEO Starter March 21, 2011, 8:26 PM

Considerably, this post is really the sweetest on this notable topic. I harmonise with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your incoming updates. Saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the phenomenal clarity in your writing. I will directly grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. Admirable work and much success in your business dealings!  Please excuse my poor English as it is not my first tongue.

Designer replica handbags wholesale March 23, 2011, 8:18 PM

I was recommended this web site by my friend. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my problem. You are wonderful! Thanks!

Discount Designer handbags March 23, 2011, 9:55 PM

The great fresh content keep me coming back here very frequently. Thanks a lot.

Discount Designer handbags March 23, 2011, 10:01 PM

Gratitude for another profound post. I am pretty sure this article has helped me save many hours of evaluation other similar posts just near uncover what I was wanting for

Replica designer handbags wholesale March 23, 2011, 10:50 PM

The great fresh content keep me coming back here very frequently. Thanks a lot.

Replica designer handbags wholesale March 23, 2011, 11:15 PM

I was recommended this web site by my friend. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my problem. You are wonderful! Thanks!

Designer replica handbags wholesale March 23, 2011, 11:53 PM

My partner make your mind up to do it help to make nice and clean on could fit right in planning to check back

Cleavage March 24, 2011, 6:14 AM

you’re really a good webmaster. The website loading speed is incredible. It seems that you’re doing any unique trick. In addition, The contents are masterwork. you have done a magnificent job on this topic!

Designer handbags wholesale March 24, 2011, 9:06 PM

My partner make your mind up to do it help to make nice and clean on could fit right in planning to check back

Discount Designer handbags March 24, 2011, 11:35 PM

The great fresh content keep me coming back here very frequently. Thanks a lot.

swimwear March 25, 2011, 1:25 AM

Spot on with this write-up, I truly suppose this web site wants far more consideration. I’ll probably be once more to read way more, thanks for that info.

Designer handbags wholesale March 25, 2011, 2:08 AM

This informal summary helped me a lot! Saved the site, extremely excellent categories everywhere that I see here! I appreciate the info, thank you.


Leave a reply:



(not displayed)

     




Avoid clicking "Post" more than once
Back to top >>
advertisement