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Text-Flirting: How Much Is Too Much?

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Guest blogger Olivia: I've always been a huge flirt. Whether it was batting my eyelashes at the high-school quarterback or trying to charm my way out of a speeding ticket, I've enjoyed my fair share of flirting with the opposite sex. And I've always felt that my flirting was rather harmless.

woman texting
My husband of ten years would often tease me that I just couldn't help myself. So when I started texting back and forth with a male coworker a few months ago, it just felt natural to have witty, flirty banter. And the fact that he lived in a different state made me feel even better about it. If my only vice as a wife was sending a few playful texts, that wasn't too bad, right? 

I'm not going to lie: I LOVED the attention. I would wait in anticipation for him to text me each day and got butterflies in my stomach when he would tell me I was beautiful. Or amazing. Or any other adjective I hadn't heard in a long time from my husband. 

All the while, I kept telling myself that it was just a text from a guy who lived very far away, and that this was much better than flirting with a coworker who lived down the street. But I eventually realized that it really wasn't: If I was deleting his messages so my husband wouldn't see, then I probably shouldn't be writing them. So I ended my text relationship.

I still miss having his name pop up on my screen with something nice to say and having someone see me as something other than a carpool driver, short-order cook or babymaker. But at the end of the day, a few butterflies just isn't worth the damage it could cause. It was sure fun while it lasted, though. Big sigh.

next: Teach Your Children To Be Good Guests
84 comments so far | Post a comment now
Sasha November 20, 2010, 12:27 PM

You’re probably going to get a lot of harsh criticism for this post, but not from me. If your husband’s like mine, he tells you you’re beautiful, sexy, wonderful all the time. And, if you’re like me, you start to take it for granted. It’s always great to hear, but it stops giving you butterflies after awhile. So when you hear the exact same thing from someone else (someone who may mean nothing to you, as opposed to your husband who means everything to you,) it’s a bit thrilling. I’ve had a couple of brief facebook flirt-spurts with two former crushes. I know it was wrong….I knew it at the time, even. I wish I hadn’t done it, but I did and I won’t deny that I loved the attention. In the end, as you said, it wasn’t worth the pain it could have caused to my better-than-wonderful marriage, so I deleted all traces and haven’t looked back. We all like compliments. The allure is very, VERY tempting. I say it’s wrong when you’re in a committed relationship, but I’m certainly in no position to cast the first (or any) stone!

sara roberts November 20, 2010, 7:03 PM

When I was younger, I was a flirt as well. Flirting can be an art. However, be careful when playing with fire. Beware that someone may call your bluff. Otherwise, have fun. Guys can really be quite gullible.

KS November 21, 2010, 10:39 AM

We have two simple guidelines in our marriage that has kept us both happy and secure. We behave as happily married people in all instances and we don’t do anything we would not appreciate being on the receiving end of.

Text flirting with any woman other than me would make me highly upset because he should have spent that energy seducing his wife. So in turn I do not waste my energy flirting with gentleman other than my husband.

concerned November 27, 2010, 1:34 PM

I can see where you two are coming from, however, it is just plain wrong. What is our society coming to “a little harmless flirting”…ha! Are you ladies in high school? If your husband is really that bad in pleasing you 100% and you feel like getting attention from other men, leave! You are being manipulative and using your husbands. To “Delete all traces” is lying and lying does not help ANY marriage. It’s simple, KS said it right; do not do anything that you wouldn’t want done to you. If you want to be single and act like a child, your husband has the right to know. If you truley do regret the emotional affair you took part in, and took the necessary steps to end it, then you should have no problems telling your husband about it and after the anger wears off two things will come of it. 1- your marriage will be stronger and 2- he will realize that he needs to step up his game.

Tasha November 28, 2010, 1:05 PM

This is exactly how my husband’s affair started. Texting and chattinf on facebook turned to an affair. if you plan on staying married you better end this now. This is just the first step that is eventually going to end in a divorce. Then you will find that the man that you were flirting with was not worth the end of your marriage

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Mommy December 26, 2010, 10:04 AM

Tasha, just because your husband had affairs doesn’t mean everyone will. She said she knew it was wrong and she ended it, you’re very ignorant.
Olivia, I love this blog post because I recently had something like this happen to me. It was an ex boyfriend and he kept texting me trying to get me to send him sexy picture, but I never did. I just liked the attention. But I ended it too. I can completely understand where you’re coming from.

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