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Pisces5 Ways to Fake Delight Over a Crummy Gift
The fine art of putrid present opening.
Andrea of Bedtimes Are for Suckers: It doesn't matter what their tacky novelty T-shirt says -- some people are not "Born to Shop." These people's inability to choose a decent gift becomes your problem if you want to be polite -- which of course you do, because heck, they DID think of you, even if they showed it by buying you a vase in the shape of a cowboy boot.
So: What do you do when you absolutely hate the gift you just opened in front of the beaming gift giver? Here are a few skills you should practice before you unwrap ANY gift this holiday season.
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The Marlon Brando Method Use the acting technique developed by Lee Strasberg, founder of the Actors Studio. Think back to a time when you received a present you truly loved, then channel that feeling of happiness onto the coral-encrusted suspenders that you just got from your cousin. However, don't think back to the gift that was given to you by an old flame -- the one you thanked him for by initiating wild sex on the living room floor. |
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The "Karate Kid" Method |
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The "Whoops!" Method |
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The "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow" Method As in "snow job." Rather than talking about how much you like the gift, compliment the person who bestowed the crappy present upon you. In other words, stroke their pseudo-genius gift-giving ego.
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The "Cheers" Method This method works best if you've had enough of hanging with the relatives. Upon opening the gift, declare, "This collection of ceramic unicorns makes me remember how others are less fortunate than I." Insist that you will donate the gift immediately to those in need. Your family will be impressed with your selfless act. On that note, bid your relatives adieu, march out of the house and hightail it to the nearest bar. |
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