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Christmas Wish List for Moms

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Guest blogger Diana Landen: Give a mom a nice sweater and the baby will spit up on it. Give a mom a nice baby-food maker and she'll throw it at you. So what do moms want for Christmas? Here's a list for moms at all stages of motherhood:

woman sleeping
1) Sleep. If you can give a mom nothing else, give her a few extra hours of sleep. It's cheap, it's safe and it's a gift of love.

2) Nursing Invisibility Cloak. Nobody wants to nurse in the bathroom. Nobody wants to stay home until their baby weans, either. Some of us are brave about it, but some of us don't enjoy getting the stink-eye in public. We need an invisibility cloak.

3) Advice Ear Filters. These special ear filters allow new moms to hear only the good intentions behind the advice. "That baby needs a hat" becomes "What a cute baby! You must really love him." An advanced version of the ear filters sifts through advice and allows in only what is useful to the individual mother. Perfect!

4) Tantrum Fairy Godmother. The tantrum fairy godmother doesn't need any actual magic. She just stands nearby and says soothing things when a toddler has a public meltdown. Things like: "You're a good mom," "My kids did this, too" and "He's not going to grow up to be a psychopath. Really."

5) Blush Suppressant.Every mom needs to be able to talk to her kids about sex without turning beet red. It doesn't matter if she can talk about sex with her friends. It doesn't even matter if she gives lectures on orgasms for a living. She will still need blush suppressant when it comes to talking about that stuff with her own children.

6) A Field Guide to Tweens. This priceless tome would tackle questions such as: "How young is too young for a training bra?"; "If my kid asks for an American Girl doll for Christmas, will she really play with it?"; "When do I need to start talking to my son about Internet porn?" and "If my tween is moody now, how will I survive the next stage?"

7) A Field Guide to Teens. This book will address mysteries like: "Why do my kids do homework and then not turn it in?"; "Should my teen 'friend' me on Facebook?"; "Can my son have a computer in his room for schoolwork?" and "What should I do when I suddenly realize that my kids will be leaving home in a few years and I never got around to explaining God properly?"

next: 'Teen Mom' Amber 'Shows Commitment' with Tat of Daughter
3 comments so far | Post a comment now
Sim December 21, 2010, 9:04 PM


scarves December 22, 2010, 12:31 AM

Thanks for all of your hard work.
Oh, man! What a bummer!

scarves December 22, 2010, 12:35 AM

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