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How to Reconnect with Single Friends Post-Baby

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Guest blogger Jessica Katz: When I got pregnant at the age of thirty, I was the first of my friends in Los Angeles to have a baby. I had just left a job working for a magazine and was used to a life of events, parties and a really plush expense account. My friends tagged along to celebrity events, premieres and fashion shows, and I never had a problem getting a plus-one. Then suddenly I was pregnant, and my phone line was on radio silence.

Three woman with baby
My friends were all single and hitting the party scene, and no one wanted their pregnant friend at the bar. Not to mention I was one of those women who was blessed with morning sickness 24/7 for nine months. So even if I was invited to dinner or a party, I was too sick to go -- and soon my friends stopped asking. I was a neurotic mess and spent all my time researching my pregnancy; I felt like that was all that was on my brain. My conversation points soon became very limited to nipple ointments and miscarriage possibilities.

After I had my baby, my friends came to meet her and we would lunch once in a while. But there was a clear and palpable void. Things just were not the same. People told me not to worry: I would meet new friends when my daughter went to school. But she would not be going to school for three years! Apparently I would have to wait that long for a social life. Ironically, nothing changed for my husband: His friends were always around and he was invited out all the time.

I joined a baby group after my daughter was born, and the first day was like the first day of school. I was so anxious to make new friends that I got dressed up. (Another friend even wore SPANX!) And I have made new friends. But I long for my old ones -- the ones who are busy dating and traveling and never seem to call anymore.

My first thought was to give up and just accept the fact that this was my new life. No matter how many times I invited them to lunch or dinner (at 6 PM), they were too busy. I grew depressed and sad. Having a baby is really isolating. I then started making even more of an effort, explaining that I was still up for girls' nights and dinners, and that while sometimes (OK, most times) I might be too tired, I would really like for them to call and ask me along. And they did! I even initiated a girls' weekend sans baby in Palm Springs. (Full disclosure: I had to make a conscious effort to talk about something other than my kid.)

Having a baby made me feel like I lost a huge chunk of my life, and I had to fight to get it back. But it was worth it!


next: Dual Incomes Can Mean Dueling Partners
2 comments so far | Post a comment now
Ten Tees January 9, 2011, 9:34 AM

Good information. Enjoyable reading. There’s a small observation to offer about funny t-shirts.

chex January 18, 2011, 2:34 PM

Wow, what a cheesy and poorly written post. Basically she is whining about how she lost her life, and she tried to get it back, and did. But she wrote about it in the most cheeky and immature way, its like OMG!! I LOST my LIFE, and now Im getting it back! LOL!

ugh.

- Chex


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