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I Refuse To Get Your Baby a Gift

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Let me preface this by saying that I am not a Scrooge.

woman scowling at baby

Childless Bitch: Sure, parts of the holiday season are irritating (i.e., parking at the mall; the red-and-green color combo; that overly cheery office worker who has been wearing a Santa hat since Halloween), but for the most part, I dig this time of year. I like dressing up and going to holiday parties. I like overeating and overdrinking. I like buying presents for my friends and family. What I don't like is buying a present for your baby. I'll explain.

Babies today are surrounded by squeaking and squawking shiny instruments of stimulation. (Dare we childless people call those things "toys"?) For some reason, mommies have bought into the notion that if baby Henry bangs on some plastic thing that lights up, it will trigger something in his little brain that will make him more likely to apply to law school one day. (Seriously!) In all honesty, Henry would probably be just as happy playing with the empty box the expensive light-up thing came in. But if I showed up at your holiday party with an empty box or a piece of Tupperware (also a baby favorite), you would probably hit me in the face with it. Am I right? (Don't answer that.)

I'm perfectly happy delivering presents of actual use to your baby, like clothes or books. As a common courtesy -- and I've made this request on this blog before -- all I'd like in return is a picture of precious Kaitlynn actually wearing the awesome baby Uggs I just dropped a bunch of cash on. Or a casual mention that Jackson likes playing with that fuzzy dog book I got him. Maybe some of you mommies know to do this. Maybe some of my mommy friends are uncouth animals. Either way, now you know.

Look, I'm not saying that babies shouldn't have toys or get presents. I just don't want to contribute to the ignored pile of plastic light-up junk in your living room (which, BTW, totally shouldn't be there; it should be in the baby's room). It's wasteful. So I'm reaching out to you, dear mommies. Help us childless beings out when it comes to holiday gifts for your offspring. Be a Spice Girl and tell us what you (and baby Daisy) want -- what you really, really want. After all, 'tis the season of helping others and understanding and empathy, or some junk like that.

next: Are You Anti-Christmas Cards? Try These!
12 comments so far | Post a comment now
Lana December 13, 2010, 7:17 AM

I think you tell how old this article is by the Spice Girl reference. I don’t think CB has written a new article for momlogic in years!

Grace December 13, 2010, 10:04 AM

It’s funny though. I remember when I was a CB. I don’t know if I gave it as much thought as this, but I do remember feeling that I should have some kind of acknowledgement. Not because that’s the reason to give a gift. But there are so many children to give to in this world, so having shopped for one says a lot. The person went through crazy shopping and had to think of what to get. That’s awfully thoughtful for a non-family member. The parent should at least acknowledge later. I know I try to make mentions here and there. Nothing exaggerated. Just like “hey my child still plays with that think” or “it’s her favorite hat” or any little mention that the person remembers the gift.

Millie December 13, 2010, 3:24 PM

lol @ “awesome baby Uggs”.

They are called “ugg” for a reason.

Kristin December 14, 2010, 5:24 AM

I think this is one of the 1st ones I’ve read by CB that I whole-heartedly agree with! O_o

melissa December 14, 2010, 5:58 AM

I’d rather my child get a practical gift anyway………we don’t need more toys - maybe a savings bond, clothes the child will grow into, a book we’ll read regularly. And I ALWAYS send thank you cards. When someone thinks enough of my children to purchase a gift I am very grateful.

Carol December 14, 2010, 5:06 PM

Isn’t a more accurate title for this piece be “Gifts I WILL Give Your Child” and not “I Refuse To Get Your Baby a Gift”?

Anonymous December 15, 2010, 6:17 AM

Once again, CB hits the nail on the head!

sonja December 15, 2010, 7:08 AM

really - it is too bad that kids actually like things that respond to them when they play with it, with lights, or sounds, or movement…toys that require imagination are for OLDER children…and toys belong wherever you and the baby spend time - and if that is in the family room or living room - than that is where they should be…I don’t banish my baby or his things to his room.

Sarah December 15, 2010, 1:26 PM

I told everyone to not get my baby anything. Seriously, I said wrap up an empty box so he can play with the paper and the box.

Anne December 16, 2010, 6:26 PM

Before we had a child, we always insisted on buying our friends’ kids toys that were classic, required no batteries, and, preferably, had some educational value or fostered creativity. Things like stacking blocks, wooden puzzles by Melissa & Doug, Art Easels (when they got old enough), sidewalk chalk, ladybug houses, wooden trains, etc.

Our hope was that when we had children, these same friends would reciprocate and give our kids similar things. So far, most of them have. It’s the childless uncles & aunt who buy him the obnoxious blinking, noise making toys and they stay at Grandma’s house ;)

Allison March 6, 2011, 2:46 PM

I agree with Sonia, why should it be in the living room? A baby isn’t gonna play in his/her room alone for very long. Are you expecting THE PARENT to sit in the babies room whenever the baby plays?

wyposażenie łazienek April 2, 2011, 3:31 AM

I appreciate, cause I found exactly what I was looking for. You’ve ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

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