Guest blogger Blythe Newsome: Now that Christmas is behind us, it is time to focus on making some New Year's resolutions. I started to write down some of them, then realized they are the same ones that I have been making for years. Namely:
- I will lose 10 pounds and fit into my low-waist jeans without my mommy muffin-top flowing over.
- I will wake up each morning and brush my hair a thousand times so it shines and glows.
- I will embrace the words of my daughter -- "You would look a lot younger if you wore your hair down" -- and let my locks cascade over my shoulders.
- I will buy 50 plastic containers in every shape and size, so I can organize and label everything in my house.
- I will get out into the dating world and really try to meet a nice guy. I will not give up hope that somewhere out there is a Prince Charming just looking for a nice woman with six children.
- Low-waist jeans were invented by some Victoria's Secret model whose body snapped back into its pre-baby shape right after she gave birth. In order to tuck, fold and hide my muffin-top, what I need is a pair of above-the-navel jeans!
- The resolution of losing ten pounds will never happen because my metabolism is on permanent vacation. I will be really good about watching what I eat for a few weeks, and then school will start back up, all the activities will begin and my "diet" will once again consist of drinking a Diet Coke for breakfast and lunch and eating the crispy, burnt corner pieces (the ones the kids won't eat) of whatever quick mystery casserole I have made for dinner once we run back in from practices at night.
- The idea of brushing my hair so much is really nice. I dream of a man running his fingers through my long, beautiful hair! The reality is that if a man actually did that today, he might never be able to get his hand out of the tangled mass. I would love to have silky, smooth hair, but at some point after I hit 40, it started falling out. Why is it that my weight and my cholesterol are more than happy to go up as I get older, but my hair has decided to get thinner? After I got out of the shower last night and noticed the amount of hair around the drain, I seriously thought about getting out my glue gun and putting some of it back on my head! So I am going to have to drop that from my list of New Year's resolutions.
- About a week after making my "get organized" resolution, I will realize that, with two teenage girls who change outfits more frequently than someone hosting the Oscars, two boys who bring in enough dirt to fill the Grand Canyon and two little girls who have turned their room into a restaurant (complete with more toy food than an entire grocery store could hold), organizing things is not going to happen. All of those plastic containers will end up being used to create different ecosystems for the creatures the boys find outside, and the lids will be used as skates on the carpet inside the house.
- I would really work on the resolution of dating someone nice, but I can't. For Lent this year, I either need to give up sodas or dating. I am going with dating. So why go out now, meet Mr. Right and then hurt his feelings by telling him that I have to give him up for 40 days and nights?